It has to be special [+ 2nd draft 07]

If I was a man I'd be dying right now.

I'd heard the term 'blue balls' before and never understood it until I told Ethan what I really wanted to do to him after a few minutes of him touching me. In the end, he decided it was all going a little too fast for him. It would've been super hot if he had stiffened up the right way, but instead, he called it a night and gave a 'we'll try again later' spiel.

I'd been mortified, worried for the first time in my life that I might have said something a little too obscene, and sexually frustrated. Not even my beloved Rabbit could do the trick when I got home, and the cold shower is a total myth.

Maybe it works for guys, but not me!

Instead of being hot and wet, I was cold and wet. The erotic dream that followed that night made it even worse the next morning, which happened to be a full day of classes for me.

Mondays suck.

Being a virgin sucks.

Blue balls suck... "I wonder what it's called for a girl?" I whispered to myself.

Not that it mattered. Nothing mattered anymore, well, except that it was the end of the school day, and I didn't have to work at The Coffee Barn tonight. Oh, and maybe getting to have an orgasm too. That'd be nice. Until last night, I'd never had Rabbit be so useless.

Ethan and Seth have ruined me!

"Cassie!" Seth hollered down the hallway, jogging towards me.

Growling under my breath, I clutched my school books to my chest and darted towards my locker. I banged it open and tossed my homework into my pink and black backpack. Quickly swinging the strap onto my shoulder, I slammed the door shut, grabbed my lock, and turned in the opposite direction Seth was coming in.

"Hey, Cass, don't be mad at me. Last night was all Ethan's doing. I was ready and willing!" Seth shouted just as loudly.

I flipped around, my eyes wide with disbelief. I could feel my chest starting to splotch red with embarrassment. "Gee, could you say it any louder?"

Seth paused in front of me and his face scrunched up as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, what could I say louder?"

"That I'm a big ho? Or, here's a good one, that I wanna be a cum bucket!" I whispered harshly. "You may as well have told everyone!"

His shout of laughter echoed in the emptying halls and his shoulders shook. "I. Love it. When you. Talk dirty. To me," Seth gasped out through hiccups of laughter.

I sneered at him. "What do you want?"

"Ethan wants you to come—" he stopped and sputtered like a broken down car, his shoulders shaking harder than ever.

My fingers itched to take a swipe at his face. "Oh, you're fucking funny, Seth!"

He calmed himself down enough to take a step forward and bow over me. He leaned his forearm against the locker next to my head and brought his face close to mine. "Babe, I was so ready last night. Anytime you want, you can tell me what you want to do to me."

I settled against the locker, feeling my anger dissipate, and I bowed my head trying to keep my lower lip from trembling. "You liked it. Ethan didn't."

"Cassie," Seth whispered and lifted my chin up. "He liked it a little too much. He didn't know how to handle his body's reaction. He's never been sexually attracted to a female before and it's you he had the reaction to. When he does this, as you said, he'll be losing his girl virginity too. And it's you, Cass, you're special to him, you always have been. You're not just some easy lay. He's looking at you differently already-–that's huge progress—but he just doesn't know how to deal with it. More importantly, he doesn't want this to ruin anything between any of us. I think he really does look at this like a normal girl would."

I scowled. "Are you saying I'm not normal?"

Seth nodded. "Exactly."

No point in arguing.

I slumped my shoulders and pouted. "So Ethan wants the process of him losing his girl virginity to be special?"

He nodded again.

"You gotta be kidding me," I slapped a hand to my chest, "I'm horny. This is not fair! I'm the female in this situation. If I'm okay with it, he should be too!"

Seth smiled widely and brought his hands forward to cup my face. He dropped his forehead to mine and placed a quick kiss against my nose before brushing away bits of my hair. "See, you're not normal. I love that!"

I rolled my eyes. "So what does Ethan want?"

"He wants you to come to his football practice."

"I would rather die!"

"Aw, don't be that way. What if I promise to push Ethan a little further tonight?"

"Tell him to shove his 'losing-my-girl-virginity-needs-to-be-special' idea up his ass!"

Seth's mouth twitched. "Think about what you just said."

Oh no. He got me.

I clamped my teeth down over my bottom lip and folded my arms across my chest. "It's not funny."

Ten minutes later, I was sprawled on the bleachers watching Ethan's practice and laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. When practice finished and Ethan trotted over I tried to give him the stink face, but it became harder the closer he got. It wasn't the way he held his helmet or that his hair clung to his forehead or even that he tore off his sweat-soaked jersey either... well maybe it was that.

He stopped in front of me, shifting from foot to foot and holding his helmet with two hands. He cleared his throat. "Hey," he said, biting his lip.

I lifted my chin and looked past him. I wasn't going to say the awkward 'hey' back. He could just stuff it.

"Cassie," he drawled my name out. "Please, don't be mad at me."

"We're doing this tonight. At your place, obviously..." I trailed off.

Ethan had the luxury of having parents with money, unlike myself. I didn't have parents at all. His apartment –where I spent most of my time anyway— was one of the high-end ones close to the University. I lived on the extra cheap side of town, where one bed, a microwave with a short, cold showers, and cockroach infestations were normal.

"I bought condoms, and um-" I paused to tuck my hair behind my ears, "I've been on birth control for a while so..."

It's happening again. I'm thinking about Frankie and Ed. Thinking about where I lived compared to Ethan's place made me remember stuff I didn't want to remember. I'd gotten a pretty raw deal in the parent department so I was used to those types of living situations, but still. My biological parents were killed in a car crash when I was a baby. I was lucky enough to get adopted by a caring couple soon after, hence why I was able to grow up with Ethan and have a normal childhood.

"Ooh, I hope you got cherry-flavored!" Seth said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Cassie? Are you okay?" Ethan asked, touching my shoulder to get my attention. I smiled and nodded. He didn't need to know that my train of thought had gone from one serious thing to another.

Francine—Frankie as she used to be called by her best friend, Ethan's mom—and Ed, my adopted parents, unfortunately, drew an unlucky fate card for themselves as well. Frankie got diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer. As a social worker, she'd always been a fighter so it was no surprise she lasted for as long as she did. When it happened, I experienced my first real heartbreak. At thirteen I'd lost the light of my life and Ed lost the love of his. Ed never really bounced back. In fact, to this day I'm certain the heart complication that took his life—labeled as inconclusive—two years later was due to a broken heart.

If it hadn't been for Mickey, Ethan's father, who was a very well known and successful lawyer at the time—he was a well-respected judge now— I would've been thrown back into the system. Mick had brought up the idea of adopting me, but Jeanine, Ethan's mother, wouldn't have it. She said the only way she wanted me to be related to them is if I was going to be their daughter-in-law. Jeanie always found ways to throw the two of us together, honestly, she was super lucky Ethan and I got along so well. I think she and Frankie had planned from the beginning too. Once I even saw a wedding book with photo manipulations of Ethan, me, and what our children would look like. If I didn't love her so much I'd think she was a bit crazy. This was probably another reason why Ethan didn't have the heart to come out to his parents.

So Mick helped me file for emancipation. Financially speaking, they helped me out way too much. Frankie and Ed's life insurance policies had gone to burying them and hospital bills, so it wasn't that they hadn't planned for me it was that they hadn't planned for Frankie's sickness. When I turned seventeen I decided to financially cut ties with Ethan's parents and started paying for my own things, like my crappy apartment. I just had to deal with it until I graduated from college.

"You look awfully sexy in sweat," I said with an absent-minded chuckle, running my fingers down Ethan's abs. Focusing on him instead of Frankie and Ed would take the emotional pain away for a little bit anyhow.

He danced away from my tickling fingertips, laughing nervously. "This is gonna take some getting used to."

"Why?" I asked. "I've always talked to you like this."

"Yeah, but now I know you mean it, like, that way, you know?" He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced over at Seth who was smirking at the both of us.

"How about we just do a little tonight? I mean—"

My ears perked and I dragged myself out of my thoughts. "Well, how much time do you need?" I asked.

"Why are you so impatient?"

I inhaled sharply. I had to tell him. He was going to find out sooner or later. Plus, he wasn't the only one needing to get used to the idea of me talking dirty to him out loud. I could say it in my thoughts no problem, but I wasn't about to let my lily-white purity keep me from voicing those thoughts either. "Rabbit isn't cutting it."

Seth scratched the back of his head. "What is 'Rabbit'?"

Ethan groaned and dropped his face into his hands. "It's her bullet."

"You named your toy?"

I shrugged. "Doesn't everyone?"

Seth raised an eyebrow. "Not really, no. Only the crazy ones."

"Just get a new one," Ethan suggested.

I rolled my eyes. "I didn't break it. It still runs! It's just not enough after last night."

"It didn't work for one night?" Ethan paused, looking baffled. "What's the big deal?"

"Hey! Hey! I won't take that attitude from someone who gets the real thing all the time. I happen to have a good amount of stress in my life and one night without makes me cranky," I said with a growl and pointed my thumb over at Seth. "And from what I hear, Seth puts out three times a day!" I lifted my hands and weighed my option versus his option. "Going home to cold metal or warm flesh... you don't need to guess which one wins."

"Can't argue with that logic," Seth said, stepping off the bleachers and offering his hand to me. "Shall we?"

I slapped my hand into his with a grin. "We shall!" I patted the straps of my bookbag. "I've got my newly acquired goodies here. Do you know how awkward it was buying this?"

"What are we talkin' about?" Ethan asked, stepping in line with Seth and me as we walked through the football field.

"Condoms!" I said, loud enough that a few of Ethan's straggling teammates hooted and hollered. I cleared my throat and hid my face as we walked by them. "Oops."

Seth chuckled and wrapped his arm around my neck, choke holding me more than hugging me.

"I hope you didn't just get one."

I raised my eyebrow. "I got one box."

Seth shrugged and kissed me on my temple. "That's okay. Ethan has plenty more at his place."

+++++_+

7: Kiss me to death

With his pointer finger, Ethan traced circles on my stomach. The tip of his fingernail caused chills to spread over my body as he lazily went up and down. I let out a frustrated whimper as his finger circled my belly button.

"Ethan, please do something." My husky, needy voice sounded foreign even to me.

His upper body was hovering over me, so when he smirked it was right in front of my face. The urge to bit those plump, I'm-getting-away-with-something lips was overpowering. All I had to do was lift my head.

"I am doing something," Ethan said.

Seth, who was lying on the opposite side of me, facing Ethan, chuckled before darting his tongue out and licking the auricle of my ear. "Maybe if you were more specific," Seth whispered. The moist heat from his whispered words caused strands of my hair to cling to the column of my throat.

"Are you asking me to talk dirty?" I asked curiously. "You know, last time I did that Ethan clammed up on me and I found out just how much cold showers do not work for the female party. So if that's what you're—"

Seth swooped down and placed a quick, chaste kiss against my lips. "That's what I'm saying. I promise Ethan will be fine this time. Won't you, Babe?"

Ethan's confirming nod didn't match his furrowing brows. "Sure. Yeah—" he paused to clear his throat, his teasing caresses against my midriff completely stopping.

"Wow. Talk about a confidence boost, Ethan," I said.

Ethan offered a sheepish grin and rubbed the back of his neck. "You know, Cass, I just—I'm just not used to you talking like that to me."

I rolled my eyes and pushed myself up on my elbows, bringing my face closer to his. "I always talked to you that way."

"Yeah, but not meaning it and now you're meaning it."

I kissed him. It was the only thing I could think of to keep him from continuing. My top lip touched his bottom lip and the burn that started when my tongue touched his made my toes curl. One thing for sure about Ethan was the man could kiss. He could kiss my socks off. If kissing were a job he'd make a killing. He'd be the richest man alive. I whined when he pulled away to breathe. Who needed air, right? He could kiss me to death for all I cared.

"We've had that conversation before," I mumbled.

"I know. It's just—"

"Weird?" I offered, raising an eyebrow. "I'll start off slow then. Will that be okay?"

Ethan nodded and Seth rubbed his hands together with anticipation. "Finally, let's get this show on the road," Seth said.

"Ethan, get on top of me," I demanded.

It only occurred to me after he settled his narrow hips against mine that he still had his sweat pants on. The rough material and the knot from his drawstring bumped against me and I bit my lip to keep from making any noise. I felt the tickling of my eyelashes fluttering against my cheeks and the burn on my lower lip as I bit down harder.

"I can't get comfortable with you moving like that," Ethan said.

I stilled my gyrating hips instantly, not realizing I'd even been moving. It wasn't easy either. Every time he breathed against me, my heart felt like it was trying to escape through my rib cage and my thighs trembled to keep from clenching around him. If this continued, anticipation would be the culprit that killed me.

I watched as Seth moved towards Ethan, the subtle crisp pine scent of his cologne making me wiggle slightly in pleasure as he passed by like a feline about to pounce. He slipped his hand through Ethan's rumpled golden hair as he continued onwards. I pushed myself up; wanting to see where it was Seth was going and almost fell back down from my trembling. I managed to lock my elbows before falling and I tilted my head to the side, my eyes following Seth as he straddled Ethan's lower back. The added weight against me was surprisingly pleasant. I let out a breath and cautiously reached around Ethan to gently settle my hands against Seth's hips, pulling him down so that he rocked into Ethan and Ethan into me.

"Oh God," I whimpered but resisted the urge to close my eyes. I wanted to see what Seth was going to do to Ethan.

When Seth made a wiggling motion, Ethan dropped his flushed, burning hot cheek against my breast, his hot breathing making me ache with need. He slid his arms beneath me and the couch and held me tight. His mewling and gentle jerking made me too curious. I had to ask. I needed to know.

"What are you doing?" I asked Seth as he reached between Ethan and me.

I inhaled sharply as I felt Seth's fingers bump between my legs. My elbows shook, but I managed to stay upright. I glanced down between the small space between my body and Ethan's, watching Seth's hand maneuver between us. His nimble fingers tugged the drawstring loose from Ethan's pants.

"Taking his pants off," Seth said, with a teasing wolf-like grin. "Remember Ethan, if you stop, I stop."