Trying.
Even after the Doctor drops the fact that I'm still a virgin. I make her know that it's not a big deal and I am still ready to go on with the procedure regardless of the fact.
The visit ends awkwardly. With Mr Hamilton passing weird glances at me. I glare at him every time I catch him staring but he still goes on staring at me.
"Are you going to talk to me?" he asks in the car.
"What's there to talk about? It's really none of your business" I reply.
"Everything about you is going to be my business once you sign that contract"
"No, it's not, unless I can say the same about you. Can I?" I raise an eyebrow and he looks away.
We are quiet for a while and the tension in the air is so thick. I watch him from the corner of my eyes as he stares outside the window.
"How haven't you had sex before?"
"I'm just curious" he adds quickly.
I shrug.
"I've never really had the opportunity I guess. I had a pretty sheltered life growing up. Protective parents and my Grandma who was always preaching abstinence. And then when I finally had enough freedom to do whatever I wanted, my parents died. And suddenly I had to be responsible again"
I lower my voice to barely a whisper as I shake the painful memories away. I don't want to remember the things I have fought so hard to forget.
I don't even know why I'm talking about this with him. It sounds so stupid.
Suddenly a large hand wraps mime. And Mr Hamilton's warmth envelopes my hand.
"I'm sorry about that." he squeezes my hand and I give him a small smile.
"And I noticed that you called me Mr Hamilton earlier. Since our relationship will be much closer than that, please, call me Ross"
The next few weeks went in a blur. Hospital treatments, fertility pills that made me act very weird and the constant strain from Ross to get pregnant.
Fortunately I was excused from work as often as I wanted and my work friends noticed it. Since I signed a confidentiality agreement too I could not disclose what was truly happening to anyone but Kathy who seems to like the idea of me doing all these very much.
She has started her new treatment and will be getting a lung transplant soon. Julian is going to Berkeley and he is happier than ever.
I on the other hand just had my first round of IVF done and I was waiting for the test results to show if I am pregnant. Ross also comes with me too, he is very anxious about the whole thing and he taps is foot nervously as we wait in the office.
Doctor Walls comes in. She has a piece of paper on her hands.
"Sorry for keep you waiting"
She said as she settles down.
"I'm sorry. The tests came out negative."
I feel down, a bit. I look at Ross and see the look of pain that flashes in his feature before it returns to its cool mask.
"How?" he simply asks.
"Were you not taking your medicine? Were you not careful enough?" he asks as he glares at me.
"Hey!! It's not my fault! Why would I do something to jeopardize this?!!" I ask annoyingly.
"Was this your plan all along? To take the money and sabotage the plan?? What did you do?!!!" he nearly screams at me and I am close to tears.
I did everything right. Everything.
"Don't blame me! It's not my fault!! I swear I did everything right"
"Please calm down. These things happen. In most cases IVF doesn't work on the first round. We will try again"
Doctor Walls says, with concern lacing her voice.
The car ride back to my house is eerily quiet but I like it that way. I am not apologizing for something I didn't do.
"Mr Hamilton" I say condescendingly as the car nears my block.
"Please don't ever blame me for something as stupid as that again!"
"Don't talk to me like that. I'm still your boss"
I laugh and roll my eyes at him.
"That doesn't give you any right to be rude to me. No right at all. You barely talk to me, you're always frowning and glowering at everybody. And yes I can handle that because I don't really care. But you're going to have to be at least nice to me and treat me like a human being since I will be having your child!"
Luckily the car stops and I rush out of it before Ross can say anything. I just want to lie on my bed and watch a movie or two. I am tired.
I spend the day with Kathy as she shows me her new sketches. She finally agrees to frame some of her sketches and maybe sell them. She is in a much better mood these days.
"I'm sorry the baby stuff didn't work out" she says later as we clean up her messy room.
I shrug.
"I don't know why it didn't. I did everything right. I know the doctor said stuff like this happens but I need this to work"
"I'm starting another round of treatments. Hopefully the next one will be positive. The fertility drugs make me antsy and paranoid"
I added as I tidy up Kathy's room a bit.
Kathy shrugs. "I'm sorry about that. How's your handsome baby daddy?" she asks with a sly smile.
Ever since Kathy saw Ross's picture online she has been completely smitten. She has this misguided imagination that we will fall in love and raise the child together.
"He's on a business trip. And remember he has a girlfriend. So stop imagining things"
Kathy shrugs.
"No harm in that! I think I'm clairvoyant. I can see the two of you together. Oh it's going to be perfect. I spot hot steamy sex in your future" Kathy drawls and my cheeks redden.
"None of that is going to happen."
"Oh please!! It can. I mean he is so hot and you are not bad looking yourself. If you'd just try and look a little more better. Stop hiding all that glamorous body under all these clothing. And let that hair down for a day or two." she comments as she runs her hand over my threadbare sweater.
"And what the hell is this Nora? It's so tacky" she comments.
"You need to get new clothes. And since I won't be available I think I'll tell Liv to go with you!!!"
I shake my head preparing to say object
"Oh don't say no! You're making all that money and you don't want to spend it on yourself? Come on!!! Live a little."
It's hard to protest when Kathy keeps insisting on something. I guess she is right. My wardrobe needs a new makeover. And Liv might just be the right person to take shopping.
Surprisingly Liv agrees to go shopping with me after the end of her shift. We had a lovely time and I was mostly on a video call with Kathy so I could get her opinion on some of the clothes.
They made me get bolder outfits but at the end of the day, I had a blast and I was happy about it. It made me forget about my day.
The next two months go by in the same blur. Ross was in and out of the country for most of the time.
This time when the doctor tells me that the tests came out negative, I break the news to Ross on the phone.
If the next test comes out negative, it will be the last test that will nullify the contract.