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Chapter 9

[Amelia POV]

I felt like there were butterflies not fluttering but swarming my stomach when Owen sat across from me. As much as I tried to keep my cool and not blush constantly like I always di when we are together, it was so hard when he would look at me like he already loved me. How could he love me so completely already? I mean it makes no sense.

‘Because he is our mate! Seriously how many times do I need to say the same thing before it sticks in your brain?!’ Anya says annoyed. She has been annoyed with me a lot more since meeting Owen.

‘Why are you so cranky all the time now? Sheesh!’ I retorted.

‘Because Mia we found our mate and I want to be with him as much as possible and talk to his wolf and I have to deal with your constant doubts and fears. You don’t trust anyone, not even the one person in this world made for us, who we should trust more than anyone. I trust him, why can’t you just let all your dumb thought go and trust me for once?!’ She growled at me loudly sending a pain shoot behind my eyes from how powerful it was.

I had never sensed her so angry before. It was more than anger though, it almost felt like desperation. Was I hurting her so badly by not letting myself accept Owen completely?. As much as I wanted to enjoy my fist date, maybe I needed to let Owen know my concerns. Maybe he can help me relax and be more accepting if he knew what I was feeling.

‘That is seriously the first smart thing you have said since we met him.’ Anaya said sarcastically.

I pinched my eyes closed trying to keep my calm because as much as I hate conflict my wolf was starting to make me angry. I have never liked feeling angry or aggressive toward anyone, it only ever resulted in some intense headaches that I did not enjoy. It was easier to push my feelings away and just forget, but its hard when the thing making you angry is a voice in your head. My thoughts were interrupted when Charlotte the restaurant owner walked by and stopped when she saw Owen. She was so excited, and he moved out from the booth and walked to her and giving her a big hug. It was really sweet. She hadn’t seen me yet and had yet to turn my way.

“Owen I am so happy you stopped by, but what brings you here today?” She asks sweetly and turned finally noticing he wasn’t alone. “Amelia?”

She seemed happy to see my and then it sunk in as she looked between Owen and me that we were here together. After a short moment of realization her eyes grew wide.

“Owen is she…?” She trailed off bringing a hand to her mouth.

Well I guess people would figure it out sooner or later.

“I am his mate.” I say confidently.

There was no going back, it was time to accept my fate. I was chosen by the mood goddess to be Owen’s mate and the future Luna of his pack. As much as I knew it was a pretty important role, and there had to be a reason I was chosen even if I have no idea why. All I know is my life seems to be out of my controlled anyway, so why fight it. My mother and stepfather controlled me my whole life, so I am used to it.

“You are the Owen’s mate?” She says excited and bringing her other hand up to her mouth.

I smiled and reassured her with nod before looking at Owen who was almost in a trance looking at me and smiling. My guess is that he didn’t expect me to be so forward about it. I don’t blame him since I have been so stand-offish with him, but its better to lean into the skid than fight it and get hurt worse. I was going to get hurt eventually, so why try to fight it.

‘Why do you think like this all the time Mia? Not everyone wants to hurt you.’ Anaya says sympathetically this time.

‘Because let’s be honest no one really cares how I feel. No one very really asks what I wanted out of my life. You weren’t with me the whole time; you didn’t see how awful people were to me. They would put me down and thought it was o because I never fought back, because I never said anything. Because I am weak. I am supposed to be the Luna of a great pack and I am probably weak even in human standards. I am not special, there is nothing about me that makes anyone care for me for real. I am a burden to my family and a reminder of the worst moment of my mother’s life. She hated us all our lives and made me so scared of being my true self that I shut you out.’ I felt my heart tightening thinking all of these things.

Owen and Charlotte had been talking happily while I sat here thinking all these horrible thoughts. I felt my eyes fill with tears and I couldn’t hold them in anymore. I stood and excused myself before walking to the door and leaving. There were too many thoughts and bad memories flooding my mind and I needed to breathe, but my chest felt tight and my breath was shaky. What was happening? I felt like each breath was harder to take in and I felt dizzy. Is tumbled walking toward the curb trying to get away, but I just sat down right there in front of the restaurant and started crying. I felt like my whole body was shaking and I just wanted to run away but my legs wouldn’t budge.

I can’t believe I am panicking in front of a restaurant, and when my mate is just inside. I don’t want him to see me like this! I need to leave. I let out a huff of air trying to get strength back in my legs and pull myself up. It was hard at first but soon I had gotten on my feet again, it felt like hours had passed at this point but it had been only a couple of moments. I turned when I heard the door of the restaurant open, and Owen rushed toward me.

“Amelia? What happened? Are you ok?” He asked walking toward me.

I turned away and tried to stifle the cry about to leave my mouth, but he heard me. He walked and stood in front of me and took my shoulders into his hands and tried to look at me. I tried to pull away, but he was stronger than me and I already felt weak from a few moments ago.

“Amelia what’s wrong?” He asked sounding almost panicked.

“I-I…” I wanted to explain but where do I start? How do I explain to him that I had panic attacks when I felt overwhelmed?

How do I tell him that I am weak and fragile not only physically but emotionally too? Would he be ashamed of me? Will he reject me? I could never be the mate he needed.

“Amelia are you ok? Please tell me.” He said softly begging me and resting his forehead against mine.

I felt myself relax and my racing heart began to slow, and my chest felt less tight. What is happening? I let out one final shaky breath before I felt completely relaxed. This is so weird! It usually took me longer to recover from my panic attacks.

“What was that?” I ask softly.

“What?” he asks confused.

“When you put your head against mine, I felt calm.” I said looking up at him.

He smiled down at me. “One of the perks of being mates, we can calm each other down if we need to.”

He was rubbing circles softly on my shoulder.

‘You need to talk to him Mia, he will understand I promise.’ Anaya says.

Maybe she was right, it’s not like I can pretend I was totally fine after how he saw me acting. I doubt he will let it go either.

“Owen, I am sorry! I didn’t mean to ruin our date. I just started thinking too much and felt overwhelmed. I’m sorry!” I say trailing off into a whisper.

“Come on let’s sit in the car, so you don’t get cold.” He says putting one of his arms around my shoulder and walking us toward his car.

He unlocked the passenger side and let me in before closing the door and walking to the other side of the car and getting in as well. He turned to face me and gave me a soft smile.

“Can you tell me what happened? What were you thinking about that would upset you so much?” He asks me calmly.

I hesitated. I wasn’t even sure where to start. I didn’t want to dump all my emotional baggage on him on the first date, I am guessing that is not a good idea.

“I guess its kind of a lot to explain.” I admit with a slight laugh.

I didn’t think this was funny, but I laughed at how pathetic I was acting.

“I have all the time in the world to listen, if you want to tell me.” He says sweetly.

How can he be like this? He seems so perfect.

“Owen, I don’t think I am the right mate for you. I don’t know much about packs but I know being Luna is an important job and I don’t think I am the right person to be a Luna.” I admit.

He didn’t respond at first, but he dropped his gaze from me for a moment.

“Why do you think that?” He asks looking back up at me with hurt in his eyes.

I let out a deep sigh. “I am weak Owen for a human and a wolf. If a Luna is the mate of an Alpha isn’t she supposed to be strong and confident? I am neither of those things. How can I help lead a pack?” I ask frustrated.

“Amelia, you have never shifted before. Your wolf is what makes you stronger, once you are able to shift your strength will grow.” He says.

It will? I didn’t know anything about shifting and what effect it could have on me. I didn’t know anything to be honest.

“Amelia, I know we don’t know each other well yet and I want to learn everything about you the good and the bad! I know you have been through a lot, but you are not alone anymore. You can tell me anything!” He says resting his hand on my leg.

I wanted to hide my face from him because not only were my eyes puffy and red from crying, but I was blushing now too. I needed to explain to him why I ruined our date, maybe if he knew the truth he too would realize I am not the right mate for him.

“I want to tell you everything, but I am embarrassed.” I admit.

“You never have to be embarrassed or hide anything from me Amelia, you are prefect to me no matter what!” he says seriously.

“But why? How can you accept me so easily? We just met; you don’t even know me.” I say doubting his words.

“We are mates! Why would the moon goddess bring you to me if you were not meant to be here? You belong here, with me, with this pack. It’s your home no matter where you came from or what happened to you in the past, you are my world now and I never want to lose you.” He says not even blinking.

How can he say those things without even having to think? This is just too bizarre.

“How can you just say those things so easily?” I ask laughing a little.

“It’s the mate bond Amelia, I knew as soon as I saw you that you are everything I could ever want. I will never want anyone but you, no matter if you reject me. I would never be with anyone else.” He says sadly.

Does he think I want to reject him? I don’t but I thought he would not want me if her saw everything about me I have been trying to hide.

“I don’t want to reject you Owen. I don’t know much about the mate bond but I am drawn to you, and I think you are so sweet. I just feel like I am not good enough to be with someone like you.” I admit dropping my eyes and fidgeting with my fingers.

“You are everything I could want! I told you this, and I meant it! I could not be happier that you are my mate. You are beautiful and sweet! I am so happy I found you, and I have not stopped thinking about you since the first moment I saw you. I have been trying to give you space because I know that maybe you are not ready for everything that goes into being mates, so I have been trying to give you space. But my wolf whines and whimpers when we are not with you, it can be kind of annoying but I understand.” He says scratching the back of his neck.

I could see he was starting to feel a little embarrassed by everything he had just said, but it was so sweet!

“Can you tell me?” I asked.

“About what?” He asks.

“I mean what exactly happens with the mate bond. I mean I know what I am feeling but I don’t know why or what any of it means. Maybe that is why I am so freaked out all the time! I know nothing about being a werewolf.” I admit feeling defeated.

“I will answer any questions you have!” He says relaxing into his seat. “So what do you want to know?”

I thought for a moment, but before I could ask there was a knock at his window. I looked up and saw Charlotte holding a bag and smiling.

“Hey! I brought you two some food!” She said handing Owen the bag. “Enjoy, and I hope you guys come back soon! I would love to see you both!”

She gave us a little wave and walked away, Owen called out a thank you and closed the window.

“You hungry still?” He asks me with a hopeful smile.

I nod my head and smile back. He takes out a to go container that was full of pasta, and it smelled heavenly. Goddess I loved pasta, and I couldn’t help the small happy dance I did when I took my first bite. Owen laughed at the sight and I blushed and turned away cursing myself for doing that in front of him.

“Don’t be embarrassed Amelia! You are adorable!” He says still giggling.

“It’s embarrassing, ok?!” I say slightly annoyed, but not really.

“I think everything you do is adorable! Like how you bite the corner of your lip when you are thinking, or how you scrunch your nose. Seriously, all of it is just adorable!” he says nonchalantly taking a bite of his food.

I was frozen, had he been paying that much attention to me that he picked up these little quarks already. He noticed I was gapping at him in surprise and his eyes widened when he realized what he had just said.

“Oh my goddess! Did I just say all that?!” He said letting out an awkward laugh. “I swear I am not a creep or something like I watch your every move! I just like watching you. I mean not in a weird way!

It was cute watching him panic and try to explain himself. I knew I should stop him and tell him I didn’t mind but this was just too cute! He goes on for a few more moments before I finally end his suffering.

“Owen it’s ok! I don’t think you are a creep! I actually think it’s sweet. No one has ever cared about me like that, or even paid attention to those little things about me.” I say smiling at him.

He let’s out a sigh of relief. I kept my eyes on him and took another bite of food trying to act normal. I couldn’t help but smile at him, he was pretty cute too, and Anaya purred at his adorable rant which made me love it more. I think her feelings were starting to influence me because at that moment I had the strange desire to tell him I loved him.

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