Read with BonusRead with Bonus

Chapter 5 (Part 1) - made of Sand

Lily (A Year Later)

What is happiness? Freedom? Love? Home?

You won't know what they are until you experience them.**

I used to think it was far away, unreachable, and just plain stupid. How can a person who experienced so much pain move on and pretend like nothing happened?

Answer: You can't but you can.

One can't simply move on and pretend like nothing happened without having some type of reminder or feeling about the past but one can move on and use these feelings as ways to become better.

Better. Are you as confused? I can't explain better any better. Ha.

Better, to me, is someone who becomes what they want to be in a version of themselves that makes them content.

For example, a year ago, I would have taken a beating from someone who wanted to make me feel worthless. But now, I'll warn, wait, and then attack. It may not be a better version to others, but it makes me feel content.

"Hey." My heart skips a beat as Jeremy comes into my room and pecks my lips. I lock my phone and sit up.

"Are you writing again?" Jeremy motions to the phone in my hand.

I nod, "Therapist said to try it out."

"And it's making you feel... ?" He awaits my response.

"Weird. Corny. Stupid. But okay."

Jeremy raises an eyebrow.

"I like it."

Jeremy nods and brings me in for a hug. I hug him back and sigh when I smell his cologne. "I'm happy for you."

"If you knew I like it why'd you ask?" We pull away.

"Teasing you is the only thing that makes me wake up in the morning."

I hit his shoulder. "How was the hunt?" I ask him after a few moments of silence. I can tell he doesn't want to talk about it but he wants to talk about it. With me. It always makes me giddy. Lord I know it's wrong but I love it when he wants to talk to me about his troubles.

"Its horrible," He admits, "The rogues decided to mess with the Red Dawn pack." I gasp. My hands start to sweat when my family comes into mind. And then Chase...

"Are you thinking about Chase?"

I focus back on him and nod in shame. It's not like I can help it. We are 'mates' after all. After I left, there were times when I experienced his pain but after five months, it was as if he disappeared. I feared he died but my wolf would have told me. Apparently the mate pool got weak enough because of how long we had been apart and my wolf decided to hide inside me after accepting I liked Jeremy.

"You know, it hurts but I know you can't help it. I swear if you were an ordinary girl I would have dumped you ages ago."

"Oh," I smirk and cross my leg over the other, lean back, and gaze at him with my best hooded eyes. "Could you really dump this?"

Jeremy gulps, "Damn you woman." He grabs my head and pulls me in for a kiss.

My door flies open.

"Hey Li-" Jesse stops and wiggles his pervert eyes. "I knew it."

Megan grins, "For real though. Every time I come in, y'all stray farther from God's light."

"My eyes became unvirginized the moment you guys started to date," Victor states.

I would have blushed if this wasn't the 100th time they barge into my room like this.

"Damn. Sorry to interrupt your-erm fun but we wanted to know if you'd like to come with us to the mall." Jesse chuckles when he notices my annoyed facial expression, "We need new clothes for the training sessions. I need shoes and Megan needs new gym clothes. And Victor," Jesse sighs, "He has no friends."

Victor has a sly smile on his face, "'Sup?"

Since the Dark Moon Park makes alliances with other packs to preserve the peace, we help them train and help them in possible danger situations. It can take a few weeks or even a few months. Hence why we ruin gym clothes and shoes fast, not to mention the teenagers are usually the ones sent to train while the adults stay and guard and the elders train the little ones in our pack. It's our job.

After leaving the Red Dawn Pack, I joined the Dark Moon Pack.

*I had been walking for two hours and crying my heart out as soon as I crossed the line that said "the ending of the Red Dawn Pack". I was hurt and reluctant but when I crossed the line, I could smell the change in my scent.

A wolf only notices a change in their scent when they have no pack. It doesn't stay a scent but becomes a smell. A rouge smell.

"Lily."

I bite my lip, "Not now Satan, I'm drowning in my thoughts."

"I wouldn't call myself Satan but I sure as hell ain't no saint."

Megan.

I jump and stare wide eyed at Alpha Parker in the drivers seat of one of the cars that we drove to the Red Dawn Pack. I wipe my tears.

"Why are you staring at us all ugly? Get in the car." Megan smiles.

"What?" I mimic a fish.

"They - I have decided to grant you a chance."

"Huh," I'm too astonished at the moment. I can't see the others because of the tinted windows but I can hear the others telling me to get in the car. Except Victor, he's telling me that even in the car I smell like mud.

"Look," Megan invades the personal space of the alpha and taps my forehead.

"Did you just tap me?" I mimic a fish again.

"I was trying to tap sense into you."

The alpha pushes her back into her seat and stares me down like a strict father. "I doubted you but from the moment we met, I knew you'd be trouble." Is that supposed to make me feel better?

"But I also know you've been through some things. And we share that pain." The alpha motions his head to Megan and the others behind him.

"We want to include you in my Pack." Megan hits his shoulder. "Our Pack, I mean. It'll be a hard transition but I want to know how deeply you want a home. We can't just take anyone."

"Yeah, we aren't the Dark Moon Pack for nothing."

"The Dark Moon..." My voice trails off. The Dark Moon Pack. The second strongest pack after the Royals. A pack so untouchable and scary that other packs don't dare to challenge them.

"Did I... ?"

"Yeah you did!" Victors yells from the back seat, "You disrespected our Alpha!"

I bow down, "I swear I didn't mean to be rude back then." And straighten up.

Alpha Parker doesn't look phased, "You did."

"I'm sorry! I was angry!" My voice gets high at the end. I bow down again. I think it's the adrenaline.

"You're so weird. Let's keep her. I'll feed her and change her-"

"You've made a point," Alpha Parker groans.

I feel like crying. "But I'm weak. I can't even run for five minutes without feeling like I'm dying." I want to scream in happiness but I'd rather disappoint now than later.

"We will help you. If you want to be a part of our pack you have to follow strict exercising schedules."

I'm convinced. "I don't know... how do I know I won't be imprisoned when we reach your land?"

"I give you my word."**

"Come on, Lily wiggy." Jesse teases and I snap out my thoughts.

He gave me that nickname because I sometimes wiggle and move while sleeping. That only happens when we all five of us have a sleepover with our friends though. Like, Megan had a sleepover with just me and I slept like a log. I don't know what is wrong with me.

"Alright...Cock Ducky." I smirk at his scoff.

"It was that once, Lily." His cheeks tint pink. Jeremy and I laugh loudly while Megan and Victor question us with their facial expressions.

It all happened when I was on a date with Jeremy and Jesse was left home alone. When we came back, we heards moans and groans coming from his room. Me, being curious, opened the door to see Jesse... playing with himself... in duck boxers. I was shocked while my 'dying' boyfriend was horrified that he just saw his brother's weeny. He covered my eyes while I died with laughter. Jesse slammed the door in our faces and declared that if we ever told Megan or Victor, he'd kill us.

Good times, good times.

We have just finished going around from store to store buying different gym clothes and shoes to prepare for our next assignment. Our assignment hasn't been posted on the house board yet but since I'm anxious, I decided to start packing my suitcase.

"Hey, you okay?"

Jesse and Jeremy are at my doorway, acting like they own the place. Seeing them there for me, caring about me, and worrying about me makes me feel warm inside. I smile and sit on my bed but as soon as I sit down, I feel emotional.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I lie. Every time people ask me if I'm okay, I feel like crying. I could feel happy at first but as soon as you ask me that question I'm a blubbering mess.

"Lily, we know you so you can't lie to us." Jeremy smiles, an affectionate smile. I feel my eyes brimming with tears and in two seconds there are two pairs of arms around my shoulders.

"You know you can trust us, right?"

"I know that," I sigh, "I just hate that I'm touchy about this." I feel weak. I don't know why I'm suddenly emotional when my family comes to mind.

"Is it Chase?" Jesse asks slowly. Jeremy stiffens on my other side but I shake my head.

"Then what is it?"

"My family." They are silent for a few seconds before I feel their arms get tighter around me. I'm finding it hard to breathe but at the same time I've never felt more content.

"You have us. We may not know each other for years but I can tell you it feels like you were with us since the beginning." Jesse looks me in the eyes, "Seriously, how long have you been with us? I'm already tired of you kicking my ass in the gym."

"But what are they doing? They are the ones who wanted me gone but I want to know if they miss me, or are looking for me, or-or-" I take a deep breath.

"I don't know," Jeremy grabs my hand, "But they are missing out, I'll tell you that. You're awesome." I choke out a laugh.

"Look, we're with you. Megan and Victor. Dad and even the pack." Jesse says seriously.

"Do you remember when they met you? They immediately loved you. Heck, we all love you." Jeremy declares when he sees my unconvinced expression.

*"Is this the pack house? It's huge."

We have just arrived on their territory. In front of us, stands a huge mansion with kids and families on the front yard. Either playing, eating, or having fun.

"I guess but only because we decided to build it like this," Jeremy shrugs from beside me.

"You built this?" My mouth falls open in shock.

"Well yeah, we all did. It was one of our first tasks to unite the pack. It was hard but worth it."

Jeremy holds out his hand.

"Huh?" My heartbeat speeds up.

He smirks, "Don't reject me this time. I just want to help you out the car."

"Oh." I take his hand and step out the car.

As soon as the others come out the car, the other pack members surround us and they start hugging each other. I walk to the side and place my hands in my pockets. I feel so out of place. These people look genuinely happy to see each other. Not like my pack members who would fake a smile and just blow kisses or give side hugs that only lasted two seconds.

A elderly lady spots me and hugs me tightly. I am taken aback by the strength of her hug.

"Child, why are you so dirty? You got my shirt all dirty!" She begins to dust herself off. She reminds me of my old boss...

I try to open my mouth to speak but I'm still trying to make sense of her way of speaking. Why is she treating me like we've known each other for years?

"James! Why is she so dirty? Can't you offer her some new clothes? Did all this money make you selfish?" The old lady slaps Alpha Parker on the chest. I open my mouth in shock.

"Ma! I told you to stop disrespecting me in front of the pack members!" Alpha Parker's face turns red.

"Nonsense." She grabs my arm and pushes me to another lady. I stumble into the lady's arms. "She's weak. It's like she's made of sand. I can tell we have our work cut out for us." She shakes her head and starts barking orders, "Elda, take this girl and show her the showers. Mary, make sure you find some nice clothes for her. Marina, make her some food because lord knows this girl needs to eat. And Megan, follow me." As soon as Megan and the old lady walk away, the other pack members surround me and start asking questions and hugging me.

"Alpha?" I'm so scared right now.

Alpha Parker smiles, shrugging.

Previous Chapter
Next Chapter