Chapter 5
I once again find myself beside the lake. Its blue glow illuminates around me as I watch the two-spirit fish dancing smoothly in the translucent depths. One fish glows an obsidian black, just staring at it spikes my heart with unease. The other fish glows a serene purple, calming me instantly.
I’ve travelled to many places, but I have never seen fish that glowed. This lake is bewitching, I feel its magic resonating with the natural energy within me.
I feel drowsy. My eyes grow heavy with an urge to sleep. I hadn't slept in so long that my brain is pleading to rest some more when I gave in last night. I don't see why, no matter how much I sleep, I always feel tired.
My eyes seal shut, my body losing the war against sleep. I succumb once again to my nightmares. Unfortunately, it's never just darkness.
*I awake to silence—terrible, suffocating silence. Panic grips me; I remember fearing the worst. Where is she? What happened?
"Mama?"
I couldn't speak other than a whisper; how pathetic. My throat aches from crying. All I do is fucking cry as she suffers.
I search for her. An entire day has gone by while I seek for her, and nothing – nowhere! Where is she?
"Momma?"
There she is, watching the night sky lost in her peaceful reality. My words broke her out of it. She glanced at me, faking a soft smile and opens her arms for me.
"I'm sorry." I murmur into her shoulder.
She seems to understand. Mama only smiles, cupping my small face in her soft hands. She's so warm, always.
"You have nothing to apologise for, Princess."
But I do. So many things to apologise for with no time at all. How can she smile in this situation? How can she act as though everything is okay? Why is she still here?
"Running is no easy feat for creatures as powerful as us. You are strong, Princess; I have no doubt. Save your strength, there are far greater forces at work in Eldora, and you'll be the one to shine your light on it. For sometimes, you have to lose a few battles to win the war."
But I don't care about anything else. I don't care for Eldora nor the darkness. I care for what is important to me now. I want to protect her. Why can't I save her? Why am I such a coward?
I want to speak my mind, but my words seem lodged in my throat once I meet her eyes. She spoke with such certainty, her eyes gleam with happiness, and her skin glows when she talks as though it is my destiny to save Eldora.
I've never witnessed her being so proud of me before. So I memorise every detail and paint a picture in my mind to never forget. I'm determined never to disappoint her. *
My eyes snap open. Eldora's suns are shining down on me as my pain drowns my soul and angers Nia.
She pushes, she fights. My head throbs painfully to win this war once again. Even though she's angry, I feel her pain too. Her whimpers echo softly behind her aggression.
I allow my body to roll into the lake, sinking deeper as her aggression only intensifies. She wants to end the pain. She wants control. She wants insanity because that is far better than the ache. The void. The emptiness.
As memories overwhelm me, I scream. I’m sinking into the depths of the lake, so I can’t see the water carrying away my tears, but I feel it’s heat against my cheeks. It seems I disappointed her in the end; I am no saviour to this world. I'm an empty vessel furnished with revenge - nothing more.
'I haven't stopped running, mama,' I think. The magic flowing in the lake calms me, 'and it's killing me.'
I became something else for my own selfish desires and pushed away everything else that may interfere – including my happiness. I have no right to complain. I chose to lay in this bed of my own volition.
My lungs burn, desperate to breathe. My body sinks deeper into the depths of the lake. I risk opening my eyes. The surface felt further out of my reach. I’m tempted to let go but I couldn't, at least not yet.
Using my strength, I swim to the surface. Before I knew it, I landed onto the ground again. Water falls off me and creating a puddle around my feet.
"A second longer, I'd have jumped in," a familiar voice broke through the tune of nature, and my heart. I know who it belongs to immediately.
"I have no intention of dying," I murmur, avoiding his pale eyes and taking a seat beside the lake. He stands beside me, his leather pants brushing mine and I am painfully aware of how low they hung off his hips. The urge to trace the 'v' shape on his hips instigated me to clench my fists.
"Yes I know, I assumed you didn't know how to swim." His large hand suddenly sits on my wet hair, taking strands between his slender fingers. I hate to admit it, but I enjoy it. "Your wolf cried to me. I felt both your pain and anger. So I searched for you," he confesses, I don't recall doing that, it may have been an unconscious act on my part.
"I'm sorry, it won't happen again.” I squeeze water out of the sides of my dress, avoiding his heated gaze. He perches to my level but makes no move to touch me.
"Don't be sorry, Nieve. Your pain is my pain; we live to protect and care for our female. Nothing else matters if you're not happy, understood?" his eyes held nothing, but his words were soft with a hint of darkness should I disagree.
I kept my mouth shut; they live to protect us. Were those lies my father whispered to my mother? It was all fake, and nothing was real. I won't open myself up to more pain. Especially the kind my father put my mother through. No! I'll never allow it.
"Keep fighting Nieve, one day you will see why wolves run in packs. Two souls finally united, I'll make sure you never have to run alone again,"
"I won't join your pack," I tell him, rising to my feet and gaining some distance. His remains expressionless, not a flicker of emotion in his eyes. How does he hide it so well?
"Today. Tomorrow is a new day," he murmurs, and in the next moment he's gone; disappear into thin air. What the fuck? Lycan's can't do that, can they? I know he was here; my heart still thrummed from his touch, his lingering warmth prickles my skin.
I rush back to the mansion. Running my fingers through my hair, I realise the house is empty, but I faintly heard two familiar voices in the kitchen. "She's awakened, I felt it," Sophia sounds worried, almost scared.
"Fuck, have you told Jax?" Charming's tone sounds no different, though he seems slightly angry too.
"No, not yet. I want to be certain, but if it's true, we're going to need to tell him too," Sophia sighs.
I had no idea what they were discussing, but I felt an odd feeling of unease at their fear, "I have Crowe looking into it and if it's true… History can't repeat itself, Dylan," I heard the pledge in her voice, it sounds pained.
"Don't worry, Red. It won't," he comforts her, and I leave.
What can't be repeated? Who'd awakened to have Sophia – a Qusayr – on edge? Just as I reach my room, a young girl giggles and pushes past me. She doesn't seem to realise and continues running down the corridor followed by another.
I lose my balance and stagger, before I fall. The wall catches me from ultimately toppling over, but the damage is done.
A red fire burns down my back like someone was dripping molten lava on me. I hurriedly throw myself into my room and rip my dress off over my head. Pain shoots through my back, repeatedly. I try to hold it, falling onto my knees, and crying, sobbing pathetically to ease the burn.
All I can do is wait it out. I feel as though someone is slowly tearing my spine out and left me to die alone. I cry silently. Laying on my stomach against the cold wooden floor and allowing my tears to drown me.
Memories are plaguing my thoughts of the scars forever scarring my back, once again reminding me of my failures.