Chapter 4: Shattered Fantasy

I would sometimes wonder why late night conversations have a deeper, more relational turn than the normal conversations that we have with others during the day.

I am wondering the same thing again tonight as I laid down next to Arthur. We were just wearing our undergarments as we laid down sideways, our faces were only inches apart. Our breaths mingled as we stared at each other intently. My heart was still racing in my chest and my body ached from a while ago.

To be honest, that was definitely the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.

After we had sex though, we somehow ended up talking and getting to know each other. There was a glint of curiosity in his eyes every time he listened to me speak. It encouraged me to talk more and it somehow comforted me to know that he was genuinely interested in what I had to say.

“So tell me, how did you meet your friend, Ellie?” He asked inquisitively. I pursed my lips into a thin line. I knew that he would eventually ask this. All the reasons not to say it came flooding in, as if my body chemistry just sent it a blanket invitation. I felt the soft panic rise within me as I started to wonder what I’d say next.

I took a deep breath. “I met her during the brief time I was working in the entertainment industry.” I responded hesitantly. I found myself gnawing on the inside of my cheek from nervousness as I dug my nails onto my moist hands. It was a difficult memory for me to recall because of how ashamed I felt in myself.

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Why was it only a brief time? Did you do a terrible job?” He teased with a playful smile.

I gave out a dry laugh and shook my head. “I…” I trailed off, trying to find the right words to say. He leaned closer in anticipation. Cold beads of sweat started to form on my forehead as I started to contemplate on the next words that I am going to say. My hands clasped tightly in front of my stomach as I fiddled with my knuckles, weaving my fingers in and out of each other.

“I was fired.” I finally said timidly.

Arthur’s eyes widened in surprise. “What did you do?” He asked, his voice was laced with shock and confusion. “I can’t imagine you to be a terrible employee.”

“No, no.” I retort firmly. I let out a soft sigh. “One of the celebrities involved in the production promised me that I’d become big in the industry if I did whatever he wanted.” I recalled wistfully.

He nodded his head sadly, understanding what I meant. “But you didn’t do it and so he fired you, right?”

I nodded sadly in response as I bit my lower lip, trying to hold back the tears that were starting to form. It was then he suddenly wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close, gently rubbing my arm. Despite the heaviness that I felt in my stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of my half naked body pressed against his. I sunk into the warmth of his side, appreciative of the simple gesture. His touch had the power to make the room warmer somehow, and my terrible experience didn’t seem so awful anymore.

The world around me melted away as I hugged him back, not wanting the moment to end.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Arthur whispered dejectedly. He stroked my long black hair and pulled me even closer until my face was pressed against his chest. The warmth he provided me gave me a feeling that I couldn’t truly explain; it made me feel happy and safe. It encouraged me to want to try again to reach my dream.

“Thank you.” I whispered quietly, still enjoying our cuddle. We stayed still for a while until Arthur broke the silence in the room.

“I have to tell you something.” He mumbled, making me feel a bit nervous. “I’m actually working in the entertainment industry.” He said softly as if it was inaudible. This made my heart beat frantically, making me pull out of our warm embrace.

“Seriously!” I exclaimed in surprise. No, this can’t be happening! All the warmth I was feeling a while ago was soon gone and now replaced with cold sweat. I was visibly distressed that Arthur tried to come near me but it only made me move further away from him. “Why didn’t you say so in the beginning?” I asked a bit loudly, making him furrowed his eyebrows in sadness.

“I…” He stuttered but there weren't any words that came out of his mouth. “I’m sorry.” He said in a defeated tone. His expression was so sad that it made me want to approach him. I stood firm on my ground despite the ache in my heart.

“Going to the party was a huge mistake.” I said angrily, making Arthur wince. “I know what happened to me isn’t your fault but I really wanted to stay away from the people in the industry.” I added while searching for my clothes and hurriedly got dressed. Meeting Arthur is really amazing, he made me feel appreciated and cared for. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. A part of me tells me to forget what happened before and start anew with him but there’s also a part that says it won’t work out because of his work.

“I understand but the connection between us is something you can’t deny. I know you feel it too.” I stopped in my tracks as he finished his sentence. I turned around and saw him approaching me cautiously, trying to see if I would pull away. I closed my eyes and let him come near me. As I opened them, I now see him towering over me with that pleading expression in his eyes. It almost seemed like he was begging me to stay with him.

“Don’t go.” Arthur choked on his words while he tried to engulf me into another hug. He tightened his grip as if I was something valuable he didn’t want to lose. I gave in to his touch and hugged him back. A big part of me didn’t want to leave. “Please stay.” His words melted my heart.

“Okay.” I murmured into his chest. Smelling his familiar scent helped me calm down. Once again, I’m debating internally whether this is a good idea or not.

“What did you say?” He pulled away, checking to see my expression.

“I said, okay.” I replied quietly, looking at the ground. He cupped my face into his hand to make me look up to him. He gently leaned in for a kiss. It was a soft one that made my heart tingle. I don’t think I’ll be able to get used to his kisses. He pulled away then I saw him grin happily as if he won the lottery.

“I’ll just get dressed. Wait for me in bed.” He cheekily said before grabbing his clothes. I went back to bed again and admired him as he gracefully put on his shirt. He excitedly went back to bed. As he settled down beside me, he tapped the bed, gesturing for me to move closer to him. As I moved closer, he pulled me abruptly making me fall onto his chest.

“You could’ve just told me to lay on your chest.” I rolled my eyes at him, making him cackle loudly.

“Where’s the fun in that?” He said in between his laugh. I sighed and hugged him properly. He proceeded to brush my hair again, making me yawn. “Sleepy?” He whispered softly as he kissed my head.

“Yeah.” I mumbled sleepily into his arms. The last thing I heard before falling asleep was Arthur saying good night.

I awoke abruptly to the movement of Arthur. He shifted to his side of the bed, turning his back on me. I propped myself up to check my phone. I looked at the time, it was 6 in the morning. Memories of last night came back flooding in. I panicked, recalling what happened. I decided to get out of bed. I knew that I should go home. I still have work later.

As I was getting my things, I accidentally hit his bedside lamp which made me drop everything I was holding. I frantically tried to catch it without a sound before it fell.

Luckily I did, however, the noise I made was pretty loud. I slowly turned towards the bed to see if I woke him up.

I sighed in relief to see him sleeping soundly on his side of the bed. I hugged my things close to my chest and quietly tiptoed out of his room. I double checked and made sure that I didn’t leave anything behind so that he wouldn’t be able to find me.

Even though he and I did have a connection, I just don’t think that we are meant to be. A one night stand is all this is going to be and I guess I have to live with that.

I reluctantly sneaked out and rushed downstairs to leave. As I walked towards his door, I started to hear footsteps.

“Sandy?” I stopped in my tracks. A part of me wanted to turn back, but I knew that I shouldn’t.

With a defeated sigh, I ignored his call and opened the door to leave.