4: Hope
Lucien
The term uncomfortable could not even come close to the atmosphere at the dinner table, and it was all thanks to London who had not ceased her death glare at me since the time she so lovingly punched me in the face. I understood her feelings towards me, but was I really deserving of her devilish gaze at a time such as this? It was honestly driving my stomach to early stages of indigestion.
"The chicken is good." I uttered sheepishly, as a way to avert Jasmine and Damon's attention away from their fuming sister and potential sister-in-law.
"We have Andrea to thank for that, and I think Damon helped as well, right Damon?" Asked Jasmine.
My eyes immediately widened at the sound of my brother being in the kitchen. He barely knew how to make a cup of coffee back when we were younger, and now here he was, helping Andrea out. Time had clearly brought about some changes in him.
"In the kitchen? My brother?" I uttered out to voice my disbelief. Damon nodded and chuckled. "You find that hard to believe?"
"I do, yes. You were never one for the kitchen."
"I wasn't no, not until mom died." He uttered. And suddenly the entire table fell silent as the memories of Rose silently overtook our minds. Rose was nothing short of a mother to both London and I. She treated us just the same as she treated Damon, in fact, I was almost sure she favoured us more than him. Her heart and her beauty made it so difficult to ever hate or muster up any negative emotion towards her, but of course, our father always found a way to find fault with her.
"I miss her..." It came, surprisingly from London who gazed down at her plate and absently picked at her pasta with a silver fok.
"I miss her too... especially her gingerbread cookies." I uttered out. As soon as it left my mouth, London's head shot up and she starred at me for a moment before giggling, surprising everyone at the table.
"Remember when she dressed you up as a princess for Christmas because you were the only one of us skiny enough to fit into that cute little blue dress?"
Immediately I felt my face heat up in embarrassment and I began fiddling with the collar of my shirt and clearing my throat. "I- I don't know what you're talking about."
London raised a brow, clearly not buying my denial. She then dug in the pocket of her faded jeans, pulled out her wallet and then retrieved from it a crumpled up old photograph which she held out for everyone to see. For a moment I wished that the Earth would open up and swallow me whole. In fact, I wished I'd died three years ago. At least then, I would not have had to face such embarrassment. And then slowly, it began to dawn on me- London was actually smiling at me, not only that, she was laughing at me. And so I took the opportunity to say the words I knew she was waiting to hear.
"I'm sorry, London." And when it left my mouth, the whole room became silent, more silent than it had ever been before and everyone, including Jasmine and Damon, had their eyes on me.
At first it was clear that London was flustered, as a deep red blush made its way onto her face. Perhaps she wasn't expecting an apology from me so soon, and so I repeated it, this time reaching over the table and taking her hand in mine. It was then that she finally began to speak, and as she did so, tears began streaming down her face.
"You hurt Jasmine and Damon so badly, but that was not why I was so mad at you. I was mad because you left in the first place... why, why did you leave?" She asked, almost pleading.
The look on her face was one I could almost not even bear to look at, and so, eventually, I looked away towards my brother and Jasmine who gave me a reassuring nod to explain.
And slowly I realised that although I may not have been ready to come back home... ever, I could count on them to make facing my past mistakes just a little easier.
"I was stupid back then. I left for many reasons and, now that I look back, I realise that none of them were good enough to justify the things I've done-" I then paused, turned back to London and then said, "-but I'm here now, and I want more than anything to make things right between all of us. I've missed being a family... and I've missed you, London. Will you at least give me a chance to patch things up between the two of us?"
I hoped more than anything that she would be able to sense how genuine I was, and eventually, she did as she stood up from her seat, neared mine and then wrapped her arms around me in a warm, tight embrace. The feeling I felt was familiar and almost shiny and reassuring and for a moment, I just basked in the physical contact. Perhaps, just perhaps, I was ready to be back home and as such, ready to be redeemed and forgiven.
Once dinner was over, London and Jasmine began their own little conversation regarding the preparations for tomorrow's engagement party. From what I could gather, the conversation was mostly regarding the various family members she'd have to meet. Eventually, Damon tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I wanted to follow him outside towards the balcony- away from the walking embodiment of stress that was Jasmine.
I glanced over at the two and decided it best not to get involved in who did and did not approve of the clearly infamous Co-Alpha.
The air outside was cooler than I expected and the scent of cherryblossoms lingered in the air bringing forth a feeling of deep nostalgia.
"I figured we could give Jasmine and London their space. It's not that I don't enjoy engaging in those conversations, I just think my input stresses Jasmine out more." I heard Damon utter.
I turned toward him and smirked, "Our family has never really been accepting of women like Jasmine so I understand, and you, dear brother, are not known to mince your words. Poor thing, you must have told her about all of our aunts and uncles who'd kill to have another Rose."
Damon scratched his neck in guilt but mustered up a nervous chuckle. Afterwards, we fell into a comfortable silence as we leaned onto the cast stone balcony railing and stared out at the stars.
And then suddenly the silence was broken by Damon who said softly, "I know you still love her."
As soon as it left his mouth, I turned towards him, my heart pounding in my chest and my palms all sweaty as though I'd been caught in the act of something despicable.
"I don't-"
"You don't have to deny it. I'm not mad," and then his eyes met mine. Although they were the same colour as our father's, they never failed to remind me of Rose's which were always soft and gentle. "You have a right to love who you want to love, Lucien. Besides, you wouldn't be the first to have fallen for her. Jasmine has a way of making everyone love her."
I chuckled softly and agreed with him. She honestly did. Perhaps it was something in her smile or her gentle and comapssionate heart.
"But," and that's when he really caught my attention, "I don't believe you love her the way I lover her."
I had no idea why, but when he said that, I felt a subtle tinge of anger spill over inside of me and I growled out, "What do you mean? Are you saying I don't know my own feelings for Jasmine?"
My anger, however, did not even seem to affect Damon at all as he kept calm and spoke clearly. "Perhaps. I do think you are misunderstanding me though, brother. I do think you love her, just not in the way I do. Behind your infatuation, I do believe you love Jasmine the way you love London."
"-How could you even-"
"Because I refuse to believe your fate to be that terribly miserable. I refuse to believe that you are forced to love a woman who will never love you the way you want to be loved. I know, Lucien, that somewhere out there is someone for you. Someone you will love differently to how you love Jasmine-" he then placed his hands on my shoulder and looked me straight in the eye, "I know it."
The certainty in his voice was enough to completely destroy most of the spilled anger and I found it in myself to attempt to understand what he was saying. A person I loved differently to Jasmine, was that even possible? Most of my life had been dedicated to loving Jasmine and chasing the need to having her in my life. But what if Damon was right, what if somewhere out there, was someone I could love in a different way? This question, however, brought about another question. One which I accidentally asked out loud. "But how will I know?"
"How will you know? I'm not sure. In my case... it just happened. I can't explain it. One day Jasmine and I wanted nothing to do with each other, and then the next, I was completely and utterly in love with her. What I can say is that once you know, you know. There is no mistaking that kind of love."
I was just about to ask Damon another question when Jasmine appeared, a hand on her hip and an eyebrow raised. "Are you two finished with braiding each other's hair?"
And when she said this, a large smile made its way onto Damon's face as he walked up to her and wrapped her in his arms. Admitedly when I watched them I could feel the jealousy reignite, but at the same time I began to feel something else. It was something I'd never felt before, not since this conversation with Damon. It was hope, hope that perhaps some day I would have exactly what the two of them had.
Does anyone else feel sad for Lucien because I most certainly do!
Stay safe! Stay healthy! Sending my love!