Chapter 5

Winter

Cole just left. Cole; the name of my mate. I love the way it rolled off my tongue. He said he would be back, and I guess that is good. I'm glad he told me not to run. I had considered it. He is my mate, and he asked this of me. So, I will stay because he asked.

I am basically soup when it comes to him, and we have only shared a few moments together. What is happening? I mean my parents had told me the mate bond is the most sacred thing the Moon Goddess gives her children. I did not expect it to turn me into soup though.

I had no idea I would try to do anything to make him happy. I did not know that my whole body would miss his presence when he left. It felt like he was the gravity holding me to the earth. I had only met this man for a few moments, and here I was wanting him to come back as soon as he left.

I am for sure, in trouble. His rejection would no doubt kill me. “Stop!” Athena yells at me. “He said he would be back.” There is hope; I guess that things could work out. If he ends up accepting me as his mate, and we must be rogues together; I will accept it. I know that isn't the best thing for him, but if he asks that of me; I cannot deny him.

I hear my stomach growl. In all this time I didn’t get to eat. I left the elk when I ran from my hunky mate. I know I need to eat something, but I don’t know if I want to. I have so much going through my head, but I guess I don’t need to hunt big game. A small Rabit would work to satisfy my hungry stomach.

I undress and shift, and let Athena have total control. It does not take her long to catch a rabbit and chomp it down. We usually take turns hunting. That way I can keep my skills up in human form. I don’t want to lose my ability to hunt as a human, and rely solely on her to keep food in my belly.

I know many rogues tend to turn feral, and I had often wondered just how they turned. Feral werewolves don’t have a conscencence. They act with just the sole intention of killing anything that moves. I think living as your wolf full time probably doesn’t help. Nor the solitude.

I think the biggest thing I have done to prevent becoming feral is to talk to Athena, and not just rely on her for hunting. It is the reason I still try to hunt and fish while in human form. I don’t want to become feral. I take time to bathe, time to train, to read.

Most Importantly I don’t live every day and night as my wolf. Sure, I love Athena, and when I shift, I let her have full control. However, that doesn’t mean I let her always be in control. We are two souls, and we both need time in our forms. We share a being. We both need time to be in control. We have a sacred bond.

After the rabbit, I decide to go down to the river that is about a mile away, and clean myself up for tomorrow. I walk down to the river and step into the cold mountain water. The water is so cold, but I endure it. After all I have been bathing like this for years. I wash under the stars and moon. It is the best time to bathe in my opinion.

I return to my little home and put a fire on. I decide it is a beautiful night to sleep out instead of in my little hovel. So, I curl up by the fire and begin to give thanks to the Goddess. I pray for strength and a long life. I also pray that tomorrow will go well, and my mate will accept me.

I tell her that I hope he doesn’t see me as some dirty rogue. I pray that my family will have justice, and that I may finally have a pack. I know the Goddess listens to prayers. I don’t know for sure; as no one does, but it gives me peace to pray and talk with her. I know I ask for the same thing almost every night, but I mean every word. I also pray and give her thanks for allowing me to be her child.

I lay on the ground by the fire as my mind drifts to Cole. Man, he was so sexy! I start to think about his large hands all over me. Him running his fingers through my hair. Him kissing my mouth. I need to stop thinking like that.

Chances are high he will just reject me. I mean we are mates, but he is in a pack. To be with me he would have to leave his pack; which would be extremely painful. I know I didn’t have to break my pack bond as they were all killed. But it has been painful over the years as I felt the packs bond wearing away. It has been a slow pain, but surely breaking it fast with most of the pack members being alive would be physically and emotional excruciating.

The other way I guess we could be together is if his alpha let me join his pack. That however seems extremely unlikely since pack werewolf's despise rogue wolfs. They always assume we are some sort of criminal. I must admit that is an accurate assumption most of the time, but that isn’t me.

I am not some criminal that got kicked out of her home for breaking pack law. No, I am a rogue due to a horrible atrocity. I just need to try to stay calm. Cole will be back, and I will just have to face his rejection or whatever else he decided to do with me. One thing I know for sure though is the Moon Goddess did bless me with a mate; whatever happens.