Chapter 6

Hannah

I went to my next class still in a state of shock. Nikolai was going to help me; I still couldn’t believe it. He was terrifying and talking to him still made me want to break out in a cold sweat and throw up, but it was worth it for his help.

I knew he didn’t want to do this, and to be honest, I had no idea why he’d agreed. I guessed I played the pity card pretty heavily. Not that I was pretending to be a victim; I really was desperate. I hoped he wasn’t angry that he’d agreed. I figured I could deal with his anger for the time it took to convince Jeff, and everyone else, that we were dating and scare him off for my remaining months in high school. Thinking about that freedom felt like a noose loosening from around my neck.

One thing that was bugging me for the first time in a long time was how I presented myself. I never cared before because the whole point in dressing this way was to be unattractive, but having Nikolai look so horrified at my appearance felt embarrassing and depressing. Nikolai was hot, and even though it would have never normally occurred to me to ask him out in a real sense, having this new access to him made me acutely aware of how disheveled I had become. Not only had I committed to my bummy look, but it wasn’t even working. Jeff still asked me out all the time.

I heard my phone chime with a text and pulled it out of my pocket to stare at it dumbly. Nobody ever texted me. I mean, my sister did when she needed to be picked up, or my mom when she was running late, but I rarely got texts in the middle of the day since I had blocked all of Jeff’s numbers. I stared at it for a minute longer, then it pinged again to remind me I had an unread text. I swiped my ancient iPhone 3 open to read it.

Nikolai: Connors will be taken care of soon.

While I got this little thrill looking at his name on my phone, his message wasn’t exactly swoon-inducing. I immediately responded.

*Hannah: Really? What are you going to do? *

I stood there waiting like a moron for him to immediately text me back, waiting to see those dots that showed he was typing. Needless to say, there were no dots. Feeling stupid, I put my phone away and walked into math class as the bell rang.

I was pulling out my notebook when the ping from my pocket caused some of the students who sat near me to turn and frown in my direction. I never had to put my phone on silent before because nobody ever texted me. I quickly grabbed it and flicked it to vibrate, then swiped open my screen to look at the message. I would have gotten caught if I ever did this type of thing in class before, but since I sit near the back and typically have no social life to speak of, the teacher never even glanced at me.

Nikolai: Don’t worry about it.

Now, I had literally no experience communicating with guys, so I didn’t know how to interpret text messages. Was that a fast response time or slow? Should I be offended he didn’t say more? Should I respond immediately or wait? Oh my god, he is the guy I asked to be my fake boyfriend and I’m already totally obsessing over him.

At the end of second period, as I was gathering all of my stuff in order to make a mad dash to my third period class, I overheard Ethan James and Richard Novak talking about Jeff.

"I just got a text from my girlfriend,” Ethan said, still looking at his phone. “She said Matt Peterson was dribbling a basketball in gym class, made a bad pass and threw it directly into Jeff Connors' face. Knocked him out cold. Get this, Connors wasn't even playing, he was sitting in the bleachers," Ethan said, snickering at Jeff's misfortune. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who thought Jeff was a dick.

I sat back in my chair for a minute to let this information soak in. Nikolai had kept his sword. Instead of running to my next class like I was being chased by a gang of zombies, I could just walk. I didn’t have to look over my shoulder or wait until class started to use the bathroom. I felt drunk with relief and liberation.

I gathered my books and exited the classroom more slowly than any other student.

Just because I could.

As I leisurely walked the halls of a place that had become more like a prison, I felt tears rush to my eyes. I was suddenly aware how stressful this whole situation had been. I didn't realize how much I had accommodated Jeff. How much I had just accepted the everyday feelings of fearfulness, caution, and paranoia. How joyless my life had become and how unfair it all was. How angry I was that he had stolen my high school experience from me. I was almost overwhelmed with feelings, some of them conflicting. Above them all, though, was gratitude.

Nikolai had come through for me. It wasn’t that Jeff had never missed a day of school, because he had. It was that, for the first time, I was able to share my problem with someone and receive help. I almost couldn’t believe how quickly he had handled things. I was already acting like a dork about him, so my feelings of giddy appreciation weren’t helping.

As I arrived at my next class relaxed and safe, I swear, if Nikolai had been standing in front of me, I would have kissed him in gratitude. Being honest, gratitude wouldn’t have been my only motivator.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and swiped it open, pulling up the thread of our brief conversation.

Hannah: Thank you for getting rid of Jeff for the day! How did you do it? How did you get Matt Peterson to hit him? Are you sure you don’t want the seven hundred dollars?? Is there anything else I can give you?

I sent the message, the last couple of questions revealing that while I was grateful for Nikolai’s intervention, I was starting to get darts of discomfort for not providing anything in return for his assistance. I was used to handling things on my own, and even though I had actively pursued him as an ally, I was now feeling weird about it.

Again, I stood there like an idiot waiting for the bubbles to appear when the bell rang. As I headed for the door to my class, I wondered if I was going to be doing this every period. Suddenly, the phone vibrated in my hand.

Nikolai: It’s fine, don’t thank me. I definitely don’t want your money. What else do you have to offer?

I felt heat rush to my cheeks. Was I crazy? Was he flirting with me? Or was he teasing me? Or worse—mocking me? I was so outside my comfort zone, that if the comfort zone was the Earth then I would be on some planet nobody had ever heard of.

Hannah: What do you want?

I couldn’t believe I sent that. I’d never more fiercely wanted another girl’s opinion about what to do than I did in that moment. I put the phone away in my pocket because I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear his response. What if he had been mocking me? I just added fuel to that fire.