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Call Me by My Name

Amina

Code blue, Mina, code blue!

I gasped for air, and my heart started racing like a thoroughbred as soon as the blue-eyed stranger walked into the Miller's kitchen. He laid eyes on me, suddenly, it felt as though the entire weight of the world came crashing down on me. I wanted to scream, but my throat swelled up. I thought of running, but my feet took root. I was livid, trapped inside my own body with nowhere to hide.

Of all the people who could show up here and now, why did it have to be him?

Maybe I was still upstairs, sleeping and dreaming, or maybe my overloaded mind had finally sundered and forced me to hallucinate his presence, but I knew better. The tea in my hands was hot and the sweat running down my back was cold, and I could feel both as vividly as I could see the free and greedy need behind his penetrating stare. So no, this was no dream, no hallucination; the blue-eyed stranger was indeed standing in front of me and somehow looked even mightier and sexier than before.

His jet-black hair perfectly dropped over his shoulders, framing his chiseled jawline, while the tight white shirt he still wore showed off his ripped chest and flexed muscles. His large, sturdy hands hung by his side, constantly clenching and unclenching, and I couldn't help but wonder how they would feel running along my skin.

'Jesus, woman!' I berated myself for the umpteenth time today, biting my lip as hard as I could in punishment.

I had to learn to control and bury the excitement he stirred inside me before it was too late, and he'd notice.

"Yes!" Roxanne let out in a high-pitched voice, breaking both the unpleasant silence and the stranger's scrutinizing gaze on me. "I freaking knew it! All these years with this gut feeling, and I was right!" she laughed and walked over to him.

"Roxy," her father gestured her to stop.

"What? Look at Benji! Just look at him," she insisted. "I was right! Didn't I tell you guys?"

'Benji?' I gasped in my head, my stomach tightening.

Holy fuck!

The man who had been driving me insane, reigniting in me the relentless urge to be touched, was none other than the man whose room I now occupied. And whose closet I entered. And whose shirt I defiled. God, no!

My breath fastened, and my ears burned at the memory of his besotting scent, and instinctively, I lowered my head, wishing the ground would open up and swallow me whole. I was embarrassed that Roxanne's older brother was the source of my infatuation, and more than anything, I was afraid that, now, I could never stay away from Benjamin Miller the way I planned.

"Mina!" Roxanne yelled out, forcing my eyes back up. "Come, let me introduce you to this guy," she smiled, placing a hand on his shoulder.

My best friend motioned me over to the other side of the kitchen, but I wasn't going to move. I couldn't even if I wanted to; I was dizzy, and my legs were shaking up a storm, and I knew that if it weren't for the sturdy stool beneath me, I would already be lying face-first on the floor. So instead, I ignored her and brought my focus back to my teacup as if its bright orange liquid was the most exciting thing in the world. Who cared if, only a few feet from me, stood the fantasy of all women, the paragon of male beauty and virility, the Apollo of all Apollos?

"Mina?"

"Huh?" I jumped out of my skin a second time.

"Okay, never mind," she sighed, dragging her words as she pushed her brother towards me. "You go to her then," she said.

"Honey, maybe you shouldn't-"

"It's fine, dad," Roxanne stopped her father mid-sentence. "Mina, I'd like you to meet my brother Benjamin Miller. And Benji, this is my best friend, Amina Langley," she smiled, introducing us.

After what felt like hours, Benjamin spoke first in a low, hoarse voice that nearly knocked me unconscious. "Hello, Amina," he said and offered me his hand to shake.

I remained stiff, mute, frozen as I pained to process the millions of thoughts dashing through my head.

While most begged and demanded that I touch him and even pull him into a kiss, others, the ones that rang the loudest, ordered me to be careful and stay put. They asked me to remember the pain Micheal had caused, and they warned me to be smarter this time around.

And so tonight, my hand didn't meet Benjamin's but rather clung more tightly to the porcelain cup I've come to see as my haven.

"H-Hi, Benjamin," I cleared my throat and watched him lower his hand with short-lived sadness. "Call me Mina, please. Everyone else does."

"Mina," he said as an unreadable expression settled on his face. "Sure, and you call me Benji," he added, moving closer to me before his hand lifted to my arm without warning.

I jerked back when his fingers grazed my skin, and Benjamin's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as he watched me fall from my seat in fear.

"Goddess! Mina, are you okay?" Grace screamed, moving between us a second later.

"Shit," Roxanne groaned, trying to help me up too.

"Maybe that's enough of an introduction for tonight," Carson said, forcing Benjamin away. "Son, you should come back another time," he spoke to him. "How about Friday evening, huh? Mina agreed to let us try one of her delicious recipes then. What do you say, Benjamin?"

"Come back Friday?" his son mindlessly repeated, his horrified gape still on me.

"Yes, Friday. I'm sorry, son, I'm so sorry. You should go home now," Carson replied.

Benjamin nodded and finally pulled his eyes away from me. Then, without another word, he disappeared through the large garden windows, and just as soon, a stream of tears trickled down my cheeks. I could read on his face anger and confusion, and against all logic, I wanted to run after him and beg his forgiveness as if months of torture and years of subsequent pent-up fear suddenly meant nothing next to him. I had hurt my blue-eyed stranger, and right now, it seemed as though guilt alone outweighed any sense or reason.

"I'm so sorry about that," I whispered, pointing to the broken pieces of china on the floor. "I'll clean it up."

"No, honey, it's fine," Grace replied. "I'll take care of that later. Here, Mina, sit down and breathe."

I did as told, and as my vision blurred from unshed tears, I clung to the kitchen island with one hand and my knee with the other, waiting for the room to stop spinning.

"You need to lie down," Roxanne whispered, wrapping one arm around my waist. "I'll take her upstairs. We'll talk when I get back," she told her parents and led us out.

"I should've looked out better for you, Mina," Roxanne mumbled as she helped me slide into bed. "I should've known what Micheal was, and I should've protected you from him."

"What?"

"I should've told you the truth then, and maybe tonight would've gone better," she ignored me and continued talking.

"Roxy," I said, placing my hand on hers to get her attention. "Enough games. Tell me what’s going on, please. What truth?"

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