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Chapter 5

If a priest were seated across from her right now, Katya would admit that she was drunk. But to the waitress that coaxed her into having a bottle, she wasn’t even tipsy. She was cruising on a highway. She kept her right hand on the table, the other one bringing the bottle to her lips as she took tiny sips- trying to bid time.

Truth be told, she was tired of seating down here. From the crappy songs, to the stripper [why there was only one stripper she had no idea], to the man who kept giving her looks that made her feel like she was naked, to the occasional interaction she had to watch as the man who ran the club kept on grabbing the waitress butt as she walked past him.

Why did they have only one waitress by the way? Anyways, it was time to leave. If she could get outside, then maybe the fresh air would do her good. She stood up, hands placed on the table as she struggled to find her balance.

Don’t fall, Katya. You cannot appear drunk. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other as she walked slowly towards the door. Just before she got there, she felt a meaty hand sneak around her waist.

“Leaving so soon?” a voice that reeked of stale alcohol and cheap cigarettes said in her ear.

She turned around to see that it was the man who ran the club. Fear filled her as she nodded.

“Why so soon? You should stay a little more. We open till the early hours of the morning, you know,” he added, his arm tightening even more.

Katya swallowed hard. She was in trouble. This was one of the stories Luyeva told her when she was younger and wanted to go out by herself. This man was going to do bad things to her. How was she going to get out of this mess?

“I’m tired. I think I’ll leave now,” she repeated, making her voice firm.

“Leave? Sweetheart, you are drunk,” he pulled her to his side, crushing her against his body. “Let me take care of you until you can go home.”

Katya struggled in his arms, her attempts doing nothing to stop him or slow him down. She looked around to get the attention of anybody around, but nobody seem to notice them. The waitress looked at her for a second and quickly glanced away.

And then she knew. They had seen this scene before. They had done this before. She, a naïve girl with nobody and money to spend. They would not care if he had his way with her right there and there. It was up to her to figure out a way to stop this.

“I’ll give you money. All I have on me right now and I will add from my account. Please let me go.” She pleaded.

Somehow, it seemed to stop him. He released her. “Okay.”

She walked out of the bar, her phone and purse gone. She had to find her way home and the only means of communicating was with the man who she would rather sleep on the streets than go back to beg.

The devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know

The saying came into her head unbidden and she shivered. She looked around her, noting how far she had walked and her surroundings. Hard, suspicious stares met her eyes and she walked a little faster, noting that hours had passed since she got down from the cab and walked into the club- celebrating her freedom.

“Wanna come in? I have a good bed,” she heard a leering voice say behind her.

Katya did not bother to turn around as she picked up her pace, blindly running down the road. When she was sure that there was no one close by, she stopped- slumping to the ground in tears.

“Katya?” she heard a familiar voice say.

She looked up sharply. Michal. Not in a million years would she have assumed that she would be happy to see him. She stood up briskly, wiping at her tears.

“Hi,” she managed to say, her voice shaking.

“I have been looking for you all over town,” his voice was hard and berating but she did not mind. All she wanted to do was go home.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated over and over again, “I’m sorry.”

“Your governess is waiting for you at home. Let’s go,” Michal began to walk back to where he had parked his car, leaving her to walk behind him.

As the car drove past the open gates, Katya sighed in part relief and part regret. She was back to her parent inflicted prison but at least she wasn’t at the mercy of someone who wanted to do her harm. For today, she would embrace the four walls of the house, the warmth, something better than the beer that tasted stale in her mouth and her warm bed.

She got down from the car and watched as Luyeva half ran to where she was.

“Katya!” her name came out of the woman’s mouth in a choked sob, “moy rebenok.”

Katya welcomed the embrace because she knew that Luyeva needed it and she needed it too.

“I’m sorry I ran away, sorry I made you worried. I’m here now, “she wept into her shoulder.

“I don’t want you to do anything like that again. What if you got hurt? What if you fell into the hands of bad people? What if someone robbed you?” her governess asked.

Katya looked at Michal who simply nodded and walked towards the direction of the house. He did not tell her governess the truth. She was grateful for it. But it meant that she owed him one- she had to be civil to him. And she hated the thought.

Rock a bye baby

On the tree top

When the wind blows

The cradle will rock

The woman sang, her voice filling with air with so much calmness that Katya felt her eyes drifting close. But she wanted to listen some more, to watch the woman’s face as her eyelids fluttered and her eyes smiled. She should be sleeping, somehow she knew that but there was an underlying sense of urgency- like she had something that would be taken away from her any moment now.

“Sleep my love,” the woman’s voice was a caressing whisper. And Katya wanted to take those words and let go. Why was she fighting so hard to stay awake?

Then she heard sobs. The song stopped, the caressing whispers seized and she could hear nerve-wracking sobs. Why was the woman crying? The smile on her face was replaced by an ugly bruise and the hands that had once reached out to her were folded as the woman curled up on the chair.

Who did this to you!? Katya opened her mouth to scream but the words would not come out. The peace she had felt only a moment ago had been replaced by blind rage. She wanted to hurt whomever had hurt this woman. To make them pay for taking her beauty and replacing it with pain.

The glaring rays of the sun had her squinting as soon as she opened her eyes. Luyeva must have come in to open the curtains while she was asleep- even though her governess knew that she preferred the dark. There was no talking the woman out of the notion she had- that curtains were meant to keep the cold out and allow the sun in.

And the dream, why now? The last time she had it, she was fifteen and her father had, the week before, bundled up every last possession of her mother after she wore the gown and locked them in a room that she had no access to. She never got to ask why.

But she had narrated the dream to her governess, thinking she was reliving repressed memories of her mother. But Luyeva had burst her happy bubble when she produced the death certificate of her mother who died at childbirth. Luyeva’s theory was that she wanted to remember her mother so bad her subconscious decided to create memories that weren’t real.

She didn’t say it in those words though. Her exact words were, “your ma died when she gave birth to you. You should stop watching movies that fill your head with ideas that aren’t real.” Since she did not know better and had just gotten crushed by her father again, she decided to drop the topic. And the dreams stopped coming.

Why now?

She stood up from her bed and walked to the door. She was about to open it when she had a quick flashback accompanied by an irritated groan. How could she forget? He was still around. Her nemesis.

The few days since he “saved her” had been like walking on eggshells. After Luyeva gave her an earful- she could not keep a secret from the woman, she was forced to apologize to him for making him go far and wide looking for her. She also had to be nice to him because apparently, she was supposed to be a responsible adult and yet got into trouble. Katya was sure that if it had been a different scenario, Michal would have gloated.

But she had to report to him every other day and go through conversations that bored her out of her mind. She could not tease him either, that was improper and rude to someone who supposedly saved her. How long was a person supposed to show gratitude? Well, she was sick and tired.

Maybe he would be away, his car driving away to god knows where. Not like it was her business.

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