12 Cold colder distance

Date = 1 April

Place = San Francisco (UCSF Medical center)

POV Enrique

“They both have hypothermia …,” Ilkay starts to update us, but I only hear a word here and there, “bradycardia … their small size … Aria stabilized but Luke is still critical … moved to PICU … on hemodialysis machines to warm the blood … had to cut her hand from his PFD … damage tendons … brave girl … lucky to be alive …”

I don’t care about all the medical gibberish, all I worry about is that she’ll be okay, so my focus is on the girl whose cold hand is laying limp and uninspired in mine. They’re using different measures to gradually raise her core temperature. Aria somehow managed to stay awake up to the end and cling to Luke with so much force that some tendons in her hand were strained. But she didn’t let him go, she kept them together.

I run my free hand through my hair; sticky from the salty ocean spray and then I lay my head down on the bed and close my eyes. Maybe I drifted to sleep – maybe not. My eyes shoot open.

“Sport?” Am I dreaming? I slowly lift my head and then I stare straight into some green eyes. A faint smile forms on her lips and I want to take her in my arms and cradle her with all my might – but I don’t. Distance.

“Hey, how do you feel?” I ask instead, cringing the sheets of the hospital bed in my hands. She jumps up, her face filled with worry.

“Luke? Where’s Luke?” she asks frantically looking around.

“He’s in ICU,” I push her back and wait for her to calm down, careful not to pull out the IV in her arm.

“You saved him … even hurt your hand to do it,” she looks at her bandaged hand with a frown.

“I can’t remember much … I just knew I had to cling to him and not let go … it was freezing.” A soft sob rips from her chest through her nose.

“I was so scared … “ Tears form in her eyes and roll softly over her cheeks. I get up and sit on the bed next to her, wiping them away with my thumbs, holding her head in my hands, my heart crying with her.

“Sport,” then all her walls crumble as she grabs me around my neck, scrunching my shirt collar with her free hand. I hold her tight to my chest and let her cry uncontrollably on my shoulder. Fuck the distance. I slowly move my hand up and down her back to try and comfort her, while stuffing my nose in her hair to comfort me.

“Aria!” Leyla runs into the room, followed by Noah and Jesse. I let Aria go so she can hug her loved ones. She quickly wipes the tears and snot from her face and I must be crazy or still in shock, cause I find it incredibly cute and sexy. How the fuck can mucus be anything other than revolting? Yep, I’m going insane.

“I’ll go get some coffee,” I mumble walking out of the room, in serious need of some fresh air.

“Get a grip, Enrique Blackburn!” I scold myself inwardly, “What the fuck are you doing? This whole thing is fake … like you. It’s just a game and she’s just playing her part. She’ll never love a robot so just get over it. You don’t deserve to be loved by a girl like her. And ultimately, she’ll get bored with you and leave and you will stay behind with all the pain.”

I notice some of the staff looking at me oddly and I realize I’ve been talking out loud. I pour myself a cup of coffee from the nook in the hallway, sit down in the nearest chair, and resume my chat with myself – this time in my thoughts.

So what is this girl doing to me? Why do I get paralyzed whenever she enters the room? Each time I see her I break down in sweat and gasp for air; as if I’m having a stroke or something. Is this what love is? I shake my head, hoping to get rid of the little voice dragging me down the wrong path.

I can’t fall in love … I won’t. I just need to put my defenses back up … yes, Aria is tearing them down one by one and I feel completely vulnerable … open … exposed … fragile. I mean, I’ve never had an issue before … I always just took what I wanted, playing girls like a puppet master. But this time it’s different; as if the roles are reversed.

I can’t think what would happen if I put what I’m feeling out on a line … there’s no way. For some or other reason my family has been cursed – I mean just look at everything that happens to us – it’s just not normal. And look what almost happened to her because of me … because I dragged her into my hellhole of a life. She deserves so much more. I’m not good for her, I’ll never be good for her. And anyway … I don’t need these shitty feelings in my life. This girl makes me so nervous that I’m even scared just to be around her!

How fucked up is that? But just the thought of losing her burns up in my lungs like I’m breathing fire – as if I’m dropped in hell and gonna burst out in flames. Nope, I’ll rather be numb, hiding behind my walls so as not to get burned, so I have to cover up - make sure not to show this weakness to anybody, especially her. I’ll just push her away and pretend to be the robot she believes I am, and then all this will go away and I’ll be myself again.

I down the already cold coffee with determination, knowing now what I must do. I need to keep my distance.

“Enrique!” Brian’s voice is the last thing I want to hear right now – stretching my already splitting nerves – but I put on a fake smile and get up to look him in the eyes.

“How’s Aria?” He seems truly worried and that doesn’t make me feel better. In fact, it makes me feel worse.

“I’m sorry, sweetie, I tried to pull her back but I just wasn’t strong enough,” Amanda grips my arm and puts her head on my shoulder. I take a deep breath and gently push her away. I dump the empty cardboard cup into the dustbin before I respond.

“She’ll be alright. Excuse me, I need to get back to my girl,” I turn on my heels and walk straight back to Aria’s room.

Distance. The word crosses my mind and I then decide to take a detour to check on the little guy.

I find Haley laying with her head on Alejandro’s shoulder. She looks worn out and tired, her eyes wide open just staring at the wall, dried tear tracks on her cheeks. Alejandro doesn’t appear to be in any better shape. He gives me a small nod, but his eyes are dull and emotionless.

“Hi, how is he?” I ask and Haley slowly lifts her head, only now aware of my presence.

“He’s gonna pull through,” she tries a hopeless smile, “Deimos is with him. They won’t let us in yet.”

She sighs and then goes back to staring at the wall.

“Why does this always happens to us? What did we do wrong? Why my kids?”

I’m not sure if she’s talking to me or the doctor poster on the wall, but I was thinking the same thing. Alejandro puts an arm around her shoulder and pulls her closer to him. She closes her eyes but then as if she just had a bad dream they pop open and she looks straight at me.

“You must go to Mel!” she orders leaning forward to put her head in her hands. I look at Alejandro asking the question without speaking. He squeezes Haley’s shoulder and gets up.

“Eh, we didn’t want to tell you, ‘cause you already have your hands full with Aria, but Mel started having cramps as a result of the shock so they took her to the ER. Damion and Ilkay are with her. Jackson took Kiara to go get some clean clothes and supplies for all the patients.”

“Fuck!” It feels as if someone punched me in the gut. Not this. Mel can’t go through that again. Not to mention Damion … that guy was broken last time my sister was in hospital …

I start running back to the ER and find Thalia walking up and down the corridor. She immediately stops when she sees me.

“Is she …,” I can’t even get the words out cause it feels as if a hand is gripped around my throat, crushing my trachea.

“Her Gino is monitoring the baby, and your brother is gonna stay with her. He just went to fetch something to drink. Damion is in a bad state though … first his brother and now this.” She puts her hand on my arm and tilts her head to the side.

“How are you doing?” I can’t answer her, the invisible hand still in place, so I just shrug my shoulders, trying to look unaffected. And if all this isn’t enough, just then Logan calls. He phoned me early this morning to wish me a happy birthday, but it’s not strange for him to phone again.

I answer the phone, not knowing if I should tell him or not. He has a big game tomorrow and Logan is someone that gets easily drowned in his emotions.

“Hi little bro,” I try to sound cheerful, “how’re things going in DC? Have you seen the president?”

“Hi, Sportie, no, the bastard is hiding from me … ha ha …” he continues the joke, and his teasingly calling me by Aria’s nickname doesn’t go unnoticed. As if he knows what it means. Gmf. I’ll get the little fucker back. He then tells me that you can still see the cherry blossoms when you walk around the Tidal Basin and how the pretty girl that gave him a massage ended up in his jacuzzi. He talks a little bit more about how great Washington actually is and then comes the devastating question.

“Bro, I can’t get hold of Mel or Damion … are they with you? Are you guys having a joll without me?”

“Um, Logan, we’re in hospital … “ I start but he interrupts me.

“Fuck, seems I’m missing out … what happened this time?” Yeah, ending up in the hospital is a rather normal occurrence on our birthdays, usually from doing something stupid.

“Eh, the girls planned a surprise party on a boat … ug … I’ll tell you the details later, but Aria and Luke fell overboard into the bay,” I start again and when I hear him taking a deep breath I quickly add, “but they’re both going to be fine. Mel felt a little bad from the shock, so they’re keeping an eye on the baby.”

“Holy shit! Should I come back?” I can hear the shock and worry in his voice.

“No, don’t worry too much, they’re all in good shape and I’ll keep you up to date.” I peek into my sister’s room, but she and her lover are sleeping in each other’s arms on the small bed. Her tummy is attached to some machine that monitors the baby’s heartbeat and I listen to the rhythmic beeping sound for a few seconds. I close the door softly, not wanting to disturb them. I start walking back to Aria’s room.

“Mel is sleeping now, but she will phone you soon, okay,” I tell my littlest brother. I see Amanda standing at the coffee machine, her back turned to me. Why is she here? A small bug starts chewing on my heart.

“Don’t worry, brother, the doctor said the baby is fine. He’s a Blackburn after all, so he’s a strong little bastard. Nothing would get him down.” I console Logan. “I have to go now but I will keep you informed, okay?” I hang up the phone, now standing in front of Aria’s door.

“She pushed us,” I pause upon hearing my girlfriend’s voice.

“Maybe it felt like that, but she tried to grab you, Aria, I promise,” Brian’s voice sends a chill down my spine. They’re talking rather softly as if they don’t want anybody to hear.

“I’m not stupid, Brian … I know what happened!”

“Sure she seems over the top, but she’s not a murderer. She’s really upset,” Brian continues and I guess they’re talking about Amanda. It’s quiet for a while and I decide to go in, but then Aria speaks again.

“I know what I know … but … I can’t prove it, so it doesn’t matter. So you and your tramp better just stay away from us!” She seems agitated.

“I can’t promise you that,” Brian says coldly.

“What do you want from me, Brian?”

I’m waiting frozen in anticipation and then an imaginary cold bucket of water drops on me.

“I want you.”