Lonely Girl

One thing I've never understood is why no one ever wanted to talk to me. Growing up I was always "that weird girl" but no one could ever tell me why they thought I was weird. It was never a lack of my trying to find out, I had asked everyone who ever rejected me. I even tried to beat it out of Gabe Young once. He had called me Lonely Girl like it was some sort of an insult. It didn't get to me because I figure if they weren't willing to be my friend, they weren't worth my time. This was a mentality that I had built up over the years but it wasn't always so. There were times where my mental barrier would crack and I would get lost in the bitterness of being hated so much. Each time I would ask myself why does this have to happen to me. Why must I feel this pain? I never took my thoughts into self- loathing because if I had ever gotten close, I would tell myself that there was something wrong with a person who wouldn't want to be friends with me. Bullying or not, I would never let those who tormented me to win. I made it a contest with myself to make sure I win my own confidence back when I felt down. I had made a tally diary that I had started from when I was little. Each time I let the bullying get the best of me and came out feeling like I was stronger. I would make another notch in the diary. It's how I started to survive that part of my childhood. By the time I reached Senior year, my diary was almost full. My childhood otherwise was a happy one; I had an amazing father, a loving mother and that stereotypical kind grandfather. I wouldn’t say I was spoiled but I never wanted for anything. I was taught to appreciate all that was given to me. When I got a new toy, my mother would make me choose one to give to charity. Each time, those toys would accumulate into a box that would be shipped to my parent's home town for distribution to the under privileged children there. I was all too happy to share, just not with the children of Everly. While I had a way of coping with the bullying, it didn't exempt me from being bitter towards those who tormented me.

In Kindergarten, I approached a girl named Sally Plinker. She was seemingly popular since her mother was the lead reporter for the local TV station, so in a sense, the Plinkers were local celebrities. Sally was your typical popular girl from your typical upper echelon family. Perfectly coifed blonde hair, piercing blue eyes the color of a sapphire, always had bows in her hair, family heirloom pearls around her neck and her mother loved to dress her in pink. She was happy to be my friend at first because of the unique color of my eyes and told me she liked my personality. Violet was a color she had always loved and so given the chance to be friends with someone with eyes in her favorite color, she jumped at it. Our friendship lasted about a day until her big brother and mother found out she had made friends with a Batiste and more specifically one Alexandra Batiste. She and her family became my constant tormentors from that day on, or at least they tried. They found out that you only made me cry once, I had built up this defense at my family's tutelage.

That was my very first and last heartbreak that I was determined to have, never again would I let anyone in this town hurt me like that. That's when I adopted my mantra of them not being worth it. That day when I was brought back to the Batiste Manor or as my father called it Blackwood Deep. It was named this because part of the estate was a forest that had uniquely black barked trees behind it. No where in the world had a forest like the one behind Blackwood Deep. I had once asked father if they painted the trees with tar or black paint or if they were burned. Father merely gave a deep throaty laugh and said they grew that way naturally. " My darling girl, if anything we took that bark to boil it into ink and colored your hair with it." Father always had commentary about how dark my hair is, "ebony never looked so good," he always said. "Your beauty both physically and in your heart, my darling, eclipses that of any young lady in Everly. Never forget that, my charming girl."

That day my mother was waiting for me at the doors of Blackwood Deep as my grandfather, Darren Batiste, was the one who picked me up. He always made sure that I was safe and had always insisted that he be the one to comfort me when I was most upset. Nevertheless, the family thought it best he would pick me up since he inexplicably had a calming presence to those around him. He is like lavender and melatonin in human embodiment, you could give grandpa big hug and it was like hugging a aromatherapy bear that exuded warmth and calm. I always thought if he wasn't a Batiste, everyone in Everly would feel like being in his presence just to be calm and happy. It did wonders when you wanted to calm a crying five-year-old. That day I had been hysterical because I was promptly told that I should just go somewhere quietly and die because I was an ugly cootie girl. At that time, I had not known how to cope with the mean things the kids said. In his presence, I was so very calm that I took a nap on the way home since the manor sat a little way outside of town. As mother opened the car door, she embraced me tightly like a weighted blanket being wrapped around my small body. "My darling. Had I known you'd experience this pain, I never would have allowed your father to enroll you in public school. If I had it my way, you'd have gone off to Lune de Minuit Academy."

This sentence struck me as strange because I had always heard of Lune de Minuit University because it was my parent's alma mater. I could feel her tense up under my touch and I knew that she was angry. She had never been good at masking her emotions especially her anger. Sometimes she would get so angry she would slip up with things both my grandfather and father had to remind her not to say. My grandfather, who was coming around the car, called out to my mother, " Talia, we all agreed for our little Xan's sake, sending her there was not ideal given what we know about that thing." " I know, I'm just emotional knowing the likes of the Plinkers have upset my baby. I want to hurt them like they hurt her. Forgive a mother for being protective of her only child. I will get over it soon, I just need a little while to be angry. I think I will go up to my studio and vent my anger. It's better than the alternative and we both know exactly what that is. We never give in to our instincts but trust me I am on the edge." He hugged my mother and cupped her face in his hand, "I understand my dear, I'm just as angry but we need to maintain peace here for the end goal of our home." My grandfather, at this point had grabbed my hand to escort me into the manor, " Talia, we will just have to toughen her up for the next 12 years. She naturally will have built up her defenses by the time we send her to Lune de Minuit University. She'll always need to be on her guard both here and there. Her path was never going to be easy. Living amongst these sheep, we will train her to be a wolf." My mother stopped in her tracks in front of my grandfather and turned and gasped at him, "Don't let Reggie catch you calling our baby a wolf. You know how he feels about wolves. I don't think even you are immune to his wrath. You know how he detests any insult to Xan. It will take both of us and perhaps a whole army to keep the Plinkers in tact." She was right, my father would never stand for the hurt they put on his daughter. He would somehow want to make them pay. He had always had subtle ways of making sure those who he perceived hurt me, would pay somehow. Father's love was eternal for his daughter whom the town's children called Lonely Girl.