Chapter 5
“Guardian.” I greeted with a small smile, neatly folding my hands before me as I attempted to appear innocent; knowing that his anger could be explosive.
Before I became his charge, Derrick travelled for years, exploring new lands and learning a great deal about the world, though most of which he kept to himself. Explaining that he would divulge the information to me once I was old enough to understand, and able to grasp all the horrors of the world.
“Sanctus, why did you lock the door? Sarah and the others could not enter.” Derrick questioned, raising an eyebrow as he continued to glare.
I nervously glanced behind my guardian at Sarah and the other two ladies that accompanied her, arms crossed as they judged me; their dark eyes roaming over my frame. Seeming to search for any mistake, anything that I had forgotten to do; and yet, they would find none, already ensuring that I was thorough as I dressed due to all specifications.
I spoke slowly, carefully shifting my eyes back towards the looming figure; my tone smooth and elegant. “I do apologize for locking them out, though as I am now thirteen years of age I wished to wash and dress without assistance. I am afraid that I was curious at how others live their lives guardian.”
Derrick bobbed his head, crossing his arms as he scanned my small frame; his tone short and stern. “Very well. However, if you wish to wash and dress on your own; then I would require you to speak with either myself or your father beforehand. Do you understand?”
My smile grew suddenly as I clapped with excitement, jumping to hug Derrick before squealing with joy. “Thank you!”
“Inside voice, child.” My guardian snapped, wincing slightly at my outburst.
I nodded, continuing to smile as I took a step back, knowing that what he said was reasonable. Glancing back at Sarah and the others as I raised an eyebrow, noticing that they were all scowling at me in disgust; my squeal both shocking and angering them. I laughed inwardly; knowing that they would scorn me for it more harshly than my guardian if he were not present; the women often treating me like a mistake. Someone less than worthy of my title; and sometimes, I even agreed.
After all, none of my sisters had ever insisted on dressing by themselves, most basking in the feeling of being pampered; to have their skin washed and hair brushed. But I hated it, despised their hands roaming over my flesh or roughly dragging a comb through my coppery hair; I mean, how could anyone enjoy that, take comfort in someone else washing your flesh? No, I preferred to do it myself, and now; I would, never again allowing the women of the court to wash or dress me.
I cleared my throat as I took another step back away from my guardian, changing my voice so it once again became soothing and elegant. “Apologies guardian, I’m afraid I became rather pleased with your ruling and forgot myself.”
Derrick nodded in response before turning to glance at Sarah and the other women; his tone showing no compassion towards them as he began to speak. “I no longer require you today or any other day, until the princess requests you. Is that understood?”
The ladies in waiting nodded in unison, their tones bland and obedient as they bowed deeply; lowering their eyes towards the ground. “Yes sir, we understand.”
“Good.” My guardian growled lightly, noticing that Sarah seemed displeased with his choice in allowing me to choose whether they aided me or not; his tone sharpening once more. “Instead, you will attend to any other duties that require your attention; whether it is kitchen labour or running errands, is that clear?”
“Yes sir.” The three ladies chimed, once again bowing towards the ground in a sign of obedience and respect, a slight scowl forming across Sarah’s features.
“Very well, now leave.” He commanded, dismissing them with a wave of his hand; his deep burning amber eyes locked onto Sarah as she turned on her heel.
I watched in silence as they left my chamber, knowing that they all despised me further; each one seeing the replacement tasks they had been given degrading. And yet, I felt no sympathy for them, knowing that each one would only spread more gossip around the castle about my behaviour, believing that I had been inappropriate and caused them deep distress. Moving from the chambers of a princess down to the kitchens appeared to be a great insult and I would surely pay for it later, knowing that they would somehow disgrace me in return.
I sighed deeply, my tone low and gentle as I spoke; my eyes shifting back towards my guardian before I wrapped an arm around my midsection, suddenly uncomfortable with what I had caused. “I do not believe that they will forgive me for this.”
“You do not need to lose sleep over that, they are only peasants compared to your standing.” Derrick muttered, kneeling in front of me as he gripped my chin, his tone almost soothing and yet; stern.
“My family may be more powerful than theirs, though on the inside, if we take away all the titles we are the same. As are all people. It should not only be money and power that defines us, it should be who we are. And I am different, cursed.” I countered with a deep huff, once again wallowing in all the reasons that I was different from everyone; in how much I longed to be normal.
“Sanctus, you may be different from us all, but you are not cursed. You have been given a strange gift that you need to control. And you are better than them, more understanding and you do not gossip around the castle like an immature child.” My guardian uttered, shaking his head as he gently lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him.
“It must be a curse when all that it does is hurt people, ripping them apart from the inside. I don’t know if I will ever be able to control it and I may not spread gossip but I got them demoted because I did not like them; that I believe was immature, and perhaps selfish.” I argued gently, shaking my head as I squirmed in his grasp.
“You can make any curse become a blessing, all you need to do is control it.” My guardian countered, tightening his grip on my chin as he glared down at me; his tone remaining stern as he continued to speak. “Although you got them demoted, you did something that many would be afraid to do; you stood your ground against them. Yes it was ... Against your training, however; it was something that you believed to be right.”
“You are not displeased with me for washing and dressing on my own?” I asked hesitantly, my eyes widening as I was unable to believe him at first; my mind arguing against his judgement.
Normally, Derrick would be furious with my actions, never hesitating to inform me of when I made a mistake or acted in a way that he disagreed with; and yet now, he was pleased somehow? Happy that I fought for what I wanted even if it did not match the manner in which I must always behave as a princess. I stared up at him with new eyes, love swelling through my chest as a small smile spread from the corners of my lips, illuminating my pale skin.
“If you would have gone through it all in the proper manner, then I would have been more pleased with your actions. However, I am not displeased with you.” My guardian smiled, raising his tone slightly as if to get his statement across.
I nodded, realising that I could have trusted him with how I felt, though because my sisters had never requested such a thing from their guardians, I was afraid to ask, to entrust him with my feelings. Although now I see that my actions were foolish and rash. “I’m sorry guardian, it is only that I did not know how you would react and no other princess has ever requested such a thing; so I did not believe it to be possible. I had been contemplating it for a while.”
“I do not need to hear your excuses; I only ask that you come to me about anything that is an issue. Do you understand?” Derrick questioned, releasing his grasp on my chin.
I nodded as my guardian took a step back, believing his words to be reasonable; if I would have told him about my wishes then there would not have been an issue, only instead, I went behind his back and did as I pleased. This is not how things work, not how things have ever worked.