Chapter 3

My fingers would break off if I wrung them anymore, but I couldn’t help it. I’d made the right choice to wear a simple satin dress because I was sweating from all the nerves in the cool breeze under my black shawl. It was navy blue and fell just below my knees, which went well with the golden hoops. I wore the heels from earlier and had made sure to bring Holly with me. Mom’s poodle, Cotton, got along well with her. She barked impatiently and I finally rung the bell.

I hadn’t seen her in weeks, and it had been so peaceful without her. Seeing her tonight would mean opening the door I’d fought to lock on her. I left the mail slot open for her, but that was as far as I was willing to allow any communication to come through.

A full minute passed, and she hadn’t answered. Hoping with all my heart that she’d forgotten about me, I turned around to leave. I could tell her I rang but she never answered, and my phone was dead so I couldn’t even call. It would be a good enough excuse, and if she yelled, I’d hang up on her. Easy-peasy. She couldn’t control me anymore, and she wouldn’t have the energy to drive an hour and a half to my place to face me.

Knowing her, she would convince me to spend the night. I deliberately hadn’t packed a bag, so there was no way she could make me even if she did open the do—

“Lilian!”

“It’s Lilith, Mom…” I grunted and turned to face her. The distaste on my face must’ve been evident because her smile immediately slipped, and the familiar narcissistic scowl of disapproval crossed her countenance for a second.

“I gave you your name.” She seethed, her voice dropping an entire octave. “Do not defy me.”

“Maria, is she here?” another woman called excitedly from behind her. Mom’s facial features lifted immediately, and she looked like a whole new person.

“Yes, this is Lilian.” She grabbed my arm and pulled me inside. I stumbled on my heels but pulled myself together. As unfair as it was, I always felt so small around her even after all these years of being independent.

“Hi.” I held my hand out to the petite blonde woman before me. She took it and gave it a gentle shake, which surprised me. She had an air about her that was calming. Her eyes were kind and bright, and she appeared older than my mom, but she seemed so much younger in her voice and demeanor.

“You really are as lovely as your mother described,” she commented. “We thought you would be late, and we’ve just finished setting the table.”

“ It was a long drive,” I said apologetically. “Please, let’s eat. I’m starving.”

We soon found ourselves at the dinner table where her husband greeted me: a tall man that smiled constantly and had a balding head. The woman’s son was nowhere to be seen yet. I glanced at mom. She looked younger since the last time I saw her. Must’ve been the spa treatments I had started booking her into every week. She’d tinted her hair, and her hazel eyes were bright. I’d inherited them, sadly. Her voice was light and cheery, nothing like the voice I’d grown up with. She was being so nice, and I felt so…confused. She did this every time we had company. It wasn’t new but caught me off guard every time. It always shocked me how easily she switched faces.

“Maria and I didn’t get to talk much since we only met on the last day of the cruise, and we had to finish packing and disembark,” the woman explained.

I still hadn’t caught her name. Had Mom told me? I couldn’t remember, which was funny considering how strong my memory usually was. I listened to her cheerful voice rather absently.

“Mom makes friends very easily.” I chuckled through my teeth. I wasn’t lying, Mom had such a charismatic façade that most people couldn’t look past to see her true personality.

“So, tell us about yourself.”

“She’s a matchmaker.” Mom interjected before I could say anything. “She works for billionaires and is paid very well.”

“Mom.” I sighed, pushing down the scathing hiss crawling up my throat.

“She’s the best one in New York, Barbara,” she continued, and I poured myself a glass of cold water to cool me down and keep my mouth occupied. I knew I would snap otherwise. “People come running to her when they finally stop whoring around.” She laughed.

I stared at her absolutely horrified. I knew my grandparents were very conservative but that wasn’t something she should just say out loud. The guests laughed politely but I could see they were uncomfortable.

“Ah, Marcus, we’ve been waiting for you,” Mom said as a man walked into the dining room and I flinched, almost jumped out of my seat in fear actually. I soon realized she had said Marcus and not Mark, and I coughed uncomfortably. Everyone stared at me in concern, while Mom gave me a scornful glare.

“Holly brushed against my leg…I think.” I chuckled. “I didn’t know she was there.”

Right on cue, as if the world were out to embarrass me, Holly and Poodle started barking at each other in the living room.

“Hey, you’re Lilian, right?” The man swooped into the rescue, and I looked at him gratefully as he sat next to me. My mouth automatically opened to correct him, but I remembered Mom was still there, and I would need to try and keep the peace as best as I could at the table.

“Yes.” I smiled as naturally as I could. His eyes smiled back at me. Marcus was a good-looking guy, fair skinned with wavy brown hair, smartly dressed, and maybe three inches taller than I was.

“We can start dinner now,” Mom announced. “Please, help yourselves!”

Marcus and I made polite talk while Mom talked to his parents. It was as easy as slipping on a dress and imagining I was a character like Audrey Hepburn.

“Mom said you were a surgeon.” I set my drink on the table.

“Cosmetic surgeon. Also, a dermatologist,” he replied coolly. My face almost fell, and I knew exactly what was going on.

“Maybe you could fix her nose, Marcus,” Mom joked. “Hers is quite crooked, isn’t it?”

Marcus appeared stunned and his mouth fell open a bit. “Only barely, ma’am. It suits her. She’s a beautiful woman.”

My mouth fell open at the sheer courage he had to contradict her without a beat. My chest felt…warm.

“I was just joking.” Mom chuckled with a hand over her mouth, but I knew she felt embarrassed. “It’s sweet that you find her pretty.”

Oh, great, now I would go home and stare at that small bump all day. My nose seemed straight from afar, but if someone looked too closely, then they’d notice it just slightly hooked. It felt so prominent when I was a child, and I’d always wanted a nose job. The moment I moved out, I realized it wasn’t as prominent as I’d been made to believe.

I had enough issues to deal with, and I didn’t need Mom bringing my old insecurities back. I knew coming here had been a terrible idea. If Mom made one more inappropriate comment, I knew I would cry.

“You look upset.” He leaned in and whispered.

“I’d just forgotten what she was like.” I chuckled lightly. “It’s been over a month or so since I was last here. I usually only come to do a routine check-in and head back quickly.”

“I can see that she could be a little…unpredictable.”

“Funnily enough, I still haven’t figured out how to navigate her moods.”

He took a sip of his drink. “If it’s any comfort, she had more good than bad to say about you.”

“I’m aware of her routine.” I smiled. “She doesn’t want to scare off possible suitors.”

He laughed. “So that’s what this is about, huh?”

“I’m just as mortified.”

“Well…” He took a small pause. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind getting to know you. If you’re all right with it, that is.”

I froze in the midst of cutting up my steak, but resumed promptly without missing a beat. “Truthfully, I’m not really looking for anything right now.”

“We could just be friends,” he assured with a smile. “I’m not taking your mother too seriously on her scheme.”

He was humorous and I appreciated it. We talked easily for the rest of the night. His earlier response to Mom made her quite careful with her words. I found out that Marcus Blight had a clinic a little over ten minutes away from my own place. His parents had retired to live in Wisconsin where the rest of his family was and would visit him every few months. He’d surprised them with the cruise after getting a promotion. It was very sweet.

“Think we’ll bump into each other from now on?” he asked as they were getting ready to leave.

“I’m sure,” was my polite reply. “We could do coffee over weekends.”

“That would be great.” He smiled. They all wished us farewell and headed toward their car.

Mrs. Blight made a point to hold my hand and kiss my cheek. “You’re a wonderful young woman, Lilian. I can see you have worked very hard for your success.”

She shook my hand firmly with the kindest look I’d ever received from anyone in my life. I tried not to tear up and thanked her. She then bid my mom a good evening and they were gone.

“So, what did you think?” she chirped as I moved away to gather my things to leave.

“If you want surgery, then use the money I send you,” came my irritated reply. “I’m not looking to marry anyone for benefits.”

“Lilian!” she hissed and grabbed my bicep to turn me around roughly. I snatched back my arm and stared her down. I was half a foot taller than her and didn’t need to cower anymore. I didn’t know what had gotten into me but something about the way Barbara spoke to me gave me a boost of confidence and suddenly I wasn’t afraid to show that I was upset and tired of her antics.

“I only came here to spare you the embarrassment of them realizing you have a daughter that wants to keep you at a distance.” I seethed. I could see her back away slightly at my statement. With a deep breath to smoothen out my glare, I threw my shawl around myself.

“You think that would’ve embarrassed me?” she shot back. “You walked in here in that dress looking like a slut!”

“Me? A slut?” I laughed out loud. “Remind me why Dad divorced you.”

SMACK!

My cheek stung from the impact of her palm. It felt like I had been whacked with a pan, but I honestly didn’t regret saying it one bit. It had been bubbling in my chest for quite a while.

“Let me remind you of your own value, Lilian,” she spat. “All the things you did to bring Mark's wrath upon you.”

“Mark abusing me was his own incompetence as a human being,” I retorted, my voice dangerously calm. “Quite similar to yours in being a parent. I did nothing but love him and try to make him happy. But nothing I did was ever good enough for him, and the same can be said for you to this day.”

“Watch your tongue with me!”

“You abandoned me, Mom.” I scoffed. “You kicked me out when you found out he’d…he’d raped me and left me at his mercy for years. You let him abuse me for years until I almost died. That’s the one time you remembered I was your daughter. That was the one night you truly gave a damn, didn’t you?”

She stared at me silently with rage in her eyes. And I realized how much I resembled her when I looked in the mirror at the end of the day.

It broke me.

I picked up my bag and quickly walked toward the door, scooping up Holly on the way. Cotton whined sadly and Holly barked desperately for her friend. Mom yelled at me to come back, that it was too dark to drive but I ignored it. She pleaded for me to stay, that we could talk it out over dessert, that I barely ever came home. But I had gone deaf with the rage of my blood pumping behind my ears.

There was no home for me here.