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#3

I fell into a sleep so deep it encompassed me, drowning out the world around me. It was as if the fingers of rest were sinking me into the cavernous depths of my slumbering soul. The dreams came in flashes. A whirlpool of muted images was unclear, spinning around me as my hair whipped in my face and the wind continued to swirl, the images spiraling around my forlorn form. I stood within the darkness on a solitary pillar within an ethereal plain. The muted images were unclear: a set of eyes, the white tip of a plush tail, grey fur, a man’s solid chest, the woodland, a large black bird, strong muscular arms, an expanse of forest, dim starlight. As I struggled to pull details from the images, they came faster and faster. The gusts whipped around me like a hurricane, my hair flying wildly around my face. Then suddenly, I came crashing into reality. The bright light of morning crashed down upon me. Blinking my eyes, adjusting to the harsh light, the dizzy sensation of spinning still unbalancing me.

Gaining my bearings, I hastily grabbed my journal, taking notes and drawing the faint and fragmented images of the dream, noting any inclinations I felt about each one. Writing any idea of who, what, or why I scribbled around each one. I have had a knack for drawing since I was little. I made notations based on my knowledge of divinity and symbolism. The Blackbird spurred thoughts of my brother. His familiar was a raven. I couldn't tell by the muted color if the feathers cast that iridescent hue only ravens did. Forcing myself not to push too much hope into that image. I just drew the animal and wrote Blake with a question mark. Eyes focused forward like a predator. The tail was dark but becoming lighter on the tip; the hair fanned like the tail of a dog, coyote, or wolf. A man's firm chest and arms couldn’t be my brother, as he was not blessed with a bulky frame. He was compact and wiry even though his height of 6 feet was a little taller than our father's.

I did some personal business and brushed my hair. Today I braided it from one side to the other and fastened it at the crook of my neck. Using some bottled water to brush my teeth and splash just a tad on my face to feel human again. I packed my backpack and left out my journal and pencil, sticking the pencil into my braid. I rolled up my sleeping bag, dusting it off as I attached it to the backpack, pulling the waterproof cover over it. Today I would take in my surroundings as I followed the pull. I would see what was there to be seen. My gut had a weary feeling. Something was coming. Something was going to happen soon. It would not catch me unaware.

As I exhaled deeply, my notebook tucked into my chest, I started to see more boulders and rock formations as I moved through the woodland. The pull still enticed me forward, and the sensations still wavered over my skin, never faltering. I knew I had a long way to go. That there would be a longer journey than I may have expected. I sketched some plants and formations when I took breaks. As I did the day before, I grazed as I moved through the terrain. I picked up medicinal and nutrient-dense plants as I went, tucking them into my pack. I eased along at a much slower pace than the day before when I went stumbling blindly into the forest, my head was full of nothing but the need to reach the end of my tether.

Today I used the skills of my past ancestors, my feet quietly hitting the Woodland floor in my light hiking boots, barely leaving a trail. Only a very skilled tracker would have the skills to follow me. Predatory eyes haunted me from my dream. They seemed neither the animal I intended, which could end extremely poorly. I knew what she meant. I felt it daily, the lure of nature’s hum was like a drug. A longing feeling somewhere in my soul that was starved for its connection. However, in the same breath, someone like me needed to be precise with intent and release of energy, or we would take down the entire damn Forrest. It was scary as well as beautiful.

This was my chance to explore my genuine connections and abilities since they were unlocked when I was about 16. I had played it off as a minor advancement to my aunt. We deliberated on how we would present my further awakening abilities after we had released the coven’s knowledge that my magic had come forth at 13. I just played it off, as I had gotten a little stronger. We left them in the dark, thinking I could only manipulate air. I was very sensitive to their standards while tapping into nature and occasionally would have a dream with omens. This more than delighted them, putting me on their radar for a future high priestess. Which I had no intention of becoming. Coven politics was a power play, and I had no desire to engage.

My coven only knew I was very good at control, not the possibility I could lose it. I hoped this journey would solve some of my questions about why I was the way I was. The Mother made me. She's the only one that can tell me why. The breeze kicked up as if nudging me or alerting me. I couldn't tell, so I let go. Just a tad. "She is with you, fear not," a soothing maternal voice curled around my doubts. I sighed and relented my fears. Trudging silently on, I nibbled on some wild berries and dug up some roots for tonight's meal. Continuously moving towards the pull of my fated tether, as the sun began setting, I saw a rock formation that jutted up high out of the earth on a diagonal. Some relic that was left behind by a glacier. I walked around it and found the climb was easy, as the top was well-worn and flat as it gradually inclined up. I sat at the top, watching the sunset. Silently appreciating nature. As the colors changed from blue to yellow and orange, I wished I had my pastels. I’d soon need to eat more than berries and dried fruit. I had some extras in my bag, but I'd need to save them.

I set up camp at the base of the rock and conjured a fire to make soup of gathered roots. Then I set up my talisman, allowing the sentinels to watch over me as I rested. Visions were the same, but the predatory eyes slowed slightly, the blue hue they switched like a hologram from light to dark. The vision picked up pace through the other images but would slow again; the eyes captivating me before spinning away. My heart raced as I met them, then dropped suddenly as they danced away. Fear did not hold me, my soul however yearned to be engulfed by the animalistic stare; my heart skipped. I was stunned. In my entire life, honestly, I had never dared to look someone in the eyes longer than the briefest of glances, for fear they could see through me to who I truly was, to the part of me I hid. These orbs pierced my soul in a way I didn’t want them to let me go. I wanted them to burrow deeply and expose all that I was and all that I could be. Not wanting those eyes to see my secrets as a trick of the light. I wanted to be seen by them exposed to the depths of my soul.

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