Chapter 5

Alaska Point Of View

Alpha thinks he is being slick by sending my husband on a training trip and putting me to work in the pack house. I am sure he wants me to work on him, but it will never happen. I know what my wolf is screaming but I cannot and will not screw this up. I have to marry Finn. I have to be his wife or my family will lose everything.

"Alaska," Finn calls out to me. I turn to see him placing his bag on the bed.

"All packed and ready to have a good time?" I ask him. I step down off the bed and rush into his arms. Do I love him? NO. I do however respect and admire him. Finn is a good man, but I do not love him and probably never will. I do this for my family.

He brushes his thumb over my lips and then leans down to kiss me. "I hear you have a new job in the pack house," Finn says. I growl at the thought of working with the Alpha.

"Yes, and I am sure it will not be as fun as all the partying you wolves will have on your so called training trip," I say. I raise my eyebrows and smile. Finn begins to laugh.

"We agreed to only be with each other no matter how we felt, right. I will never go back on my promise to you. I know you do not love me, but I will honor you and respect and hopefully someday you will love me, Alaska. I know how I feel about you," Finn says.

I am such a bitch. Finn does care for me, yes I know this, but we are not mates. We are just two wolves forced into a relationship that neither one of us wants. No he wants it but I do not want it. No matter how I feel. I will respect Finn. I will care for Finn and I will be his wife.

"I never said that I do not care for you, Finn. Do not be so dramatic. I am with you. We share a bed. I have given myself to you and I will be your wife," I say to him.

Finn drops his head. "But you do not love me. You only fuck me because you feel like you are expected to fuck me," Finn says. He looks sad and I hate when he feels this way. Finn is a good man. I wish his parents would have allowed him to find his mate instead of forcing me on him.

I pull Finn close to me. "Want to see just how good I can fuck you before you leave me?" I tease him.

Finn takes my mouth and presses his tongue into my mouth. He is breathing hard as he takes me to the bed. Sex with Finn is not amazing or earth shattering. It is sex that is just sex. It not even really a good fuck, but he seems to enjoy everything he gets from me, maybe someday I will enjoy him too.

Finn kisses down my chin until he gets to the first button on my shirt. He moves his hand to take each button one by one, freeing my breast. He takes one nipple into his mouth and massages the other one. He is sweet as he moves his tongue over my body. He kisses me down to my pants. He slowly removes my pants.

How I wish he would just throw me on the bed, force himself between my legs and ram his cock into me. He could fuck me hard and pull my hair. I would love that, but I am not getting that. Finn stands over me and removes his pants. He slowly moves between my legs and clumsily inserts his cock into me. Sleeping with Finn is not terrible it is just not great. I want something great.

I moan and arch my back. I put on a show for Finn. "That feels so good," I moan. Finn kisses me and then he cums. Three minutes into it and he gets off. Fucking hell.

"Sorry," he mumbles. I rub the back of his head. He looks at me.

"It is no big deal. I got off," I say. I did not get off but I lie and say I did. When he leaves I will finish myself. Maybe I should fuck the Alpha. No, that is a horrible idea. I have to be true to Finn. I promised him I would only be his and I have to keep my promise to him.

Finn gets off of me. I lay there thinking, while he gets dressed. I am not sure how much time passes. "Are you okay?' Finn asks me.

I nod my head and whisper. "yes, I am fine. I love you," I say to him.

He takes my hand and pulls me up to him. I am still naked and leaning into him. I do care for him. Yes, I do, but I do not love him. Why can't we be mates? He is a good man. I am just a horrible person for even thinking about another man. I should find a way to love Finn. I can force myself to love him and be happy with him.

Finn kisses the top of my forehead. "I love you, Alaska. I will be back in a few weeks and when I get back, I think we should finally do it," Finn says.

I snap out of it, right back to reality. "Married, you want to get married now?" I ask him.

"Yes, it would make me happy. Then we could start planning a family," Finn says touching my stomach.

I do not want a family. I stand in front of him shocked. "Damn Alaska we have to do it eventually. Why not now? Let's just get it over with," Finn yells at me.

He steps away from me. "I am sorry. I should not have yelled," he says. I move toward him. I stand on my tip toes and kiss him.

"Yes, I will marry you when you get back, Finn," I say to him.

"Really?" he asks me.

"Yes, really, but I want to wait a while on a family, okay?" I inquire.

"I get it. I am okay to wait. I love you," Finn says. I lean my head into his shoulder. I am not ready to be his wife.