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#2 The other voice

I hear a polite knock on my door and take a deep breath. A quick glance at the bracelet, still beeping green. Alright.

"Hello, miss Garnett," he says with his usual polite smile, walking in.

"Hi."

I stay on my bed, legs crossed, and I have a hard time not glaring at that guy. My psychiatrist is in his early forties, despite having lots of grey hair already, a wrinkled shirt, and a crooked nose. His name is Dimitri Epstein. Doctor Epstein... He takes the seat next to my bed, taking out his notepad as always. He does his best to look amiable, but I'm sure this is just part of his job. Not looking at the patient like she's a crazy witch... While he opens his ball pen, his eyes fall on the new envelope on my bedside table.

"I see your friend found some new pictures? Any luck?"

"No," I reply coldly.

I'm on my guard. I can't get mad, but I don't want him to refuse my release again.

"That's too bad... As I mentioned before, I am a bit concerned about this apparent lack of a social life before your accident, miss Garnett. As you know, your family is worried about what led to this unfortunate incident. Have you taken some time to think about that?

I frown. Right. The main reason, or excuse, for my family to lock me here is that I would be the one who burned that building down, in an attempt to kill myself. Thankfully, there was no other victim, but also no witnesses...

"I do have a friend," I note.

"Right, miss Kim," he nods. "However, miss Kim herself said you two were not very close before that incident, didn't she? Despite her many attempts to befriend you, she said, and I quote, that you were not very talkative. Your relationship was that of simple flatmates, nothing else. I'm glad you're on better terms now, but this is not really helping us understand your behavior before the incident."

"Those pictures show I went to a party," I reply, handing him the envelope.

Doctor Epstein opens it and takes his time to check each of the pictures with a little frown on.

"Interesting... Do you know when those pictures were taken, Clarissa?" He asks, taking some notes on his notepad.

"...Before I met Kelsi," I admit. "...and I told you to call me Mara!"

Damn it, I hate it when he calls me that on purpose! Epstein jumps, but quickly regains his composure and puts the envelope back, shaking his head.

"That is not your name. Your name is Clarissa Mary Garnett, as it's stated on all your official documents, and as your family confirmed. We have already been over this, you saw all those documents yourself, Clarissa. There is no girl called Mara. This Mara is only a persona, a self-defense mechanism you have created yourself. It's nothing to be afraid about, Clarissa, everyone has a different way to cope with a traumatic event."

"I can create fire with my hands. Are you going to tell me my traumatized brain has invented this, too?" I growl back.

He stays quiet, for a long minute.

"Alright. I understand you do not want to... dissociate yourself from Mara. However, if you are Mara, then what about Clarissa? After all, you are Clarissa. You have seen all the proofs of that. Your official documents, statements of your family, your friends, pictures... However, there is nothing about... Mara. No one knows her. So, who do you think Mara is?"

I don't have an answer to that. I just woke up, knowing my name. As if it was engraved deep in my head, like the only light I was able to hang on to. Everything else is gone. None of those documents or pictures they showed me reminded me of anything. I have an older sister that does look strikingly like me, but I couldn't recognize or remember her. Same with Kelsi, and she's the person I have been living with for months. Moreover, they all seemed to know me as Clarissa, not Mara.

Who the hell is Mara, then? Who am I...? I massage my temples, annoyed. So many questions and absolutely no answer. The only thing I'm sure of is that I won't be able to find it by being trapped here!

"Do you understand?" Gently asks Dr. Epstein. "The nurse who is taking care of you mentioned you want to leave the hospital, but Clarissa, I don't think you are ready."

"I need to leave! You won't be able to achieve anything by keeping me trapped here!" I yell, frustrated. "I can read as many stupid cards you have, do as many tests, I don't care, it's meaningless! My memories are gone, and I have been in here for weeks, with no progress at all!"

"I don't think that's true," he says. "First, your physical recovery was spectacular. I discussed it with your doctor earlier. He has never seen someone transferred out of the Burn Unit so fast with the injuries you had."

I already know that. They call it a miracle, but I don't feel like so. My body knows what to do, and is healing itself better than any of their ointments or treatments. All of my deeper burns have now changed to lighter ones. Not only do I not feel any pain anymore, but the process isn't leaving any scar at all. My skin looks as new and smooth as a baby's. They even tried to get some samples to study, but it returned to be complete as burnt as charcoal the second it left me, which was even weirder.

I'm not burnt by my own fire, and my skin heals fast. So why would I have trapped myself inside of a fire?

"If I'm so fine, why no let me out?" I say. "I can even keep that stupid bracelet if it makes you feel better!"

I can't take it out by myself, and it tracks and records my body temperature at all times. According to Bonnie, that thing was custom-made for me. My personal thermometer tracker or something. It's sure better than the handcuffs, but it's not like it's invisible either. I feel like I'm a ticking bomb on a lock or a prisoner.

Dr Epstein makes a severe expression, takes a few more notes, and raises his head again to look at me.

"It's not that I don't want to allow you to leave, Clarissa. However, you have to understand that this isn't only about your security, but that of others as well. Since your admittance in the hospital, you've burned two beds, and injured several members of the staff as well. This isn't a trivial matter."

"That was weeks ago," I protest. "I haven't hurt anyone or burnt anything in weeks, I can control myself now. Bonnie can tell you, I won't injure someone again!"

He sighs, shaking his head.

"Clarissa, I think you appreciate miss Bonnie very much. Just like your friend Kelsi, you wouldn't hurt people who don't upset you. However, things are different for people who don't go by your demands. We both know you have been showing some anger management issues, and this is not giving me enough trust in your self-control."

"When, then?" I retort back. "You can't keep me here forever just because you don't trust me! If you never let me experience the outside world, how would you know if I can control myself or not?"

He clicks his ballpen, one, two, three, four times. It's annoying, but I'm more annoyed at the fact that he's not answering me. I want to tell him to hurry up, but I need to keep my emotions in check. I'm already on edge, my hands feel hot. I know I can burst my flames out at any second. It's as if my fire is reacting to my anger. I could blast this annoying guy at any second, watch him burn down to ashes, walk out that door, and...

"Clarissa?"

I flinch.

"S-sorry," I mumble.

"You looked lost in your thoughts right now. Do you want to share with me what you were thinking about?"

Oh, that's not the kind of thing I can tell him. That my instincts are telling me to do whatever the hell I want, including getting rid of my psychiatrist by burning him like some toast and break out.

"Nothing," I lie.

He frowns a bit, pushing his pen against his lips.

"I've noticed you seem to have those short episodes of absences seizures regularly when you're with me. Does that happen often?"

"I'm not sure..."

It's the truth this time. I'm not even sure what those are supposed to be. It's almost as if I'm... someone else, for a few seconds. Like another voice taking over in my head. Where the heck does that come from? Every time, it's like someone else in my head, whispering... I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"Clarissa, talk to me. How do you feel right now?"

"Frustrated. I have a hundred questions and no one is willing to give me the answers I want."

"How about we list your questions down, then?"

I glare at him. Really? After weeks of being locked here, he thinks everything can be solved with some stupid chit-chat?

"I want to see my sister."

"I know, but she is..."

"Busy, I get it."

This is always the same damn answer. I have only seen my older sister three times since I woke up, and according to everyone here, it's a damn miracle. Kelsi didn't even know I had an older sister, I apparently never mentioned her. I never mentioned my family at all, and I apparently didn't bother to keep any pictures of them in my room. What kind of family is this?

No good family relationships, no friends... No one even knows what the heck I was doing at the University!

He lets out a long sigh and takes out his phone.

"Alright, I guess we won't get anywhere until I actually ask..."

"Put it on speaker."

He looks at me, surprised. I want to listen to what my older sister says, why she won't come to see me. I'm tired of always hearing it from someone else. He nods and calls her. To my surprise, she answers after only two ringtones.

"Dr. Epstein? Something wrong with Clarissa?"

"N-no, miss Garnett, but... I'm with your younger sister, and she insists that she really wants to leave the Hospital. I was on one of my sessions with her, and Clarissa insisted that I call you personally."

"I already said no."

He and I exchange a glance. How can she answer so fast? She could at least consider it, or even ask how I'm doing recently! Why is she so bent on that fucking no? Dr. Epstein sighs, and looks a bit distressed, with me glaring at him.

"I think it might be better if you... gave a reason to miss Clarissa. She is a bit sensitive about her confinement, and..."

"I don't have any reason to give. She's my younger sister, I'm her legal tutor. I make decisions, Clarissa doesn't need to know why. Is that all? I'm busy."

"I understand, ma..."

I grab the phone from his hand, furious. I don't give a damn about her being busy! This is my life we are talking about, she is not the one damn locked up between four walls!

"Tell me why you won't let me go out!" I shout.

"C-Clarissa?" Her voice is more high-pitched, she almost sounds like she's about to choke. "Why are you listening to this..."

"Yes, I listened, and I want to know why you are not letting me out!"

I hear her sigh.

"You don't need to know. It's also for your security. As long as you stay in that hospital, you won't get in any trouble, and this way, you can be..."

"What security! You don't tell me anything! Amy, I can freaking make fire with my hands! What is there that I should be afraid of, what trouble?"

"Clarissa, enough! The Police already made us pay for all of the damages on that damn building, and I have three lawyers making sure no one sues you! Our people already think I have a crazy pyromaniac younger sister, and the damn werewolves all over me trying to get to you! This City is already complicated enough to deal with!"

"...The werewolves? Why are the werewolves wanting something to do with me...?"

"Clarissa, stop asking questions. You're staying where you are and that's final. We will discuss that when I come back to Silver City."

"When is that?"

She sighs at the other end of the phone. Damn, I really feel like a freaking fly trying to squeeze into her agenda. I wait for her answer, a bit too long in my opinion.

"Give the phone back to Dr. Epstein."

"I'm listening," he says.

"I said to take the phone back. If I need to ask again, you're fired."

Oh, crap... I didn't mean for that guy to risk his job. Can my older sister even do that? Does she own that hospital or what? I let the poor man take back his phone, but I already know this is a lost battle. He apologizes non-stop for over a minute before hanging up with a sour face.

"She was a bit... upset," he says.

"Sorry about that."

He shakes his head, putting his phone back and retrieving his things before getting up.

"Do not apologize, miss Clarissa. To be honest, I understand your position too. It's not easy to be locked up when you have done nothing wrong... By your own family, no less. Unfortunately, there isn't much I can do to help you. On the papers, you are here as a psychiatric patient, and this is the hardest one to overcome when it comes to leaving without your family's approval."

"...Do you think my sister is lying?" I ask.

He seems to hesitate for a few seconds, playing with the pen between his fingers. After a while, he shrugs.

"From the few exchanges I've had with her, all I can say is that your elder sister is probably more stubborn than you are, and very down to earth. However, I do think that the fact that she's the only one in your family who does call you and visit you says... a lot, about her character."

His words confuse me even more. Does he mean to say Amy cares about me? Does she? What kind of older sister is that? I'm trapped here, she barely visits me... I don't get it.

"I'll get going, now, miss Clarissa, I think we are done for the day. Please try to be patient a little bit more, hm? I sincerely hope it will all be solved soon."

I nod and watch him leave. As soon as he's gone, I let out a long sigh of frustration and lie down on my bed, with a grimace because I rubbed some of my bandages unwillingly. What the heck is wrong with my family... None of this makes sense. What was that about the werewolves, too? No one ever mentioned them aside from Bonnie until now. I push the button, but another nurse comes, much to my annoyance. Bonnie's shift is probably over... Crap. I wanted to ask her, see if she knows something. The old lady leaves my dinner there and almost runs out of the room. They all avoid me when I'm unhappy like that.

I stare outside. Another day lost, trapped here. Is Kelsi at her part-time job? I bite my nail, nervous and pissed. What do I do? If things go on like this, Amy will never let me out, or I'm going to go completely crazy before that happens. I should just walk out... I feel the shadow, crawling in the back of my mind. I should walk out that door, follow my instincts, and leave. Burn anything and anyone who tries to stop me. I should just end this...

Suddenly, I hear some sounds, coming from the outside. What the heck? I run to the window, unsure. I don't see anything, but I can hear someone yelling, a woman screaming. It looks like it's coming from below the hospital, in the park.

Something's wrong. Why is no one coming to her help? The few silhouettes I can see don't seem bothered at all, what's wrong with those people! I run out of my bedroom. I hear someone yelling, trying to have me come back, but I ignore them. I dodge whoever tried to hold me back. I'm almost flying. It's strange, I can hear that woman's screams even from inside the corridor. I run down the stairs, trying to find the way out. A couple of senile grannies stare at me in confusion, I have to squeeze in between them to get out. Two furious nurses are behind me, running after me, but I don't care, that woman needs help!

I finally find the way out, to the park. I've been there a few times, so why the heck does this seem so far! I jump past the door, to find myself in the park. The... empty park. I look around, completely at a loss.

There is no woman, and no screams anymore. It can' t be... I just heard them. It was so clear! How come I don't see anyone? There's only an ambulance at the other end, with a red-haired guy smoking his cigarette, who starts walking up to me with a worried look. Crap, what the heck... What the... What is wrong with me...

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