CHAPTER 2 A Feeling of Jealousy

"A wife who doesn't love me, and an ex-girlfriend who still wanted me. How did I get into this mess?"

Johann's POV

I was sitting on the couch the all night after we finished having sex. I clicked my tongue.

Dammit, I lost my cool in the bedroom. I can't believe she was thinking about other things, or worse another man, while we are making l–

I stopped myself from saying the word 'love' and even mocked myself, "Love? Am I crazy? Y-you know very well that this marriage is everything but love. I had a girlfriend, and she…" I clenched my fist feeling frustrated and a little bit betrayed,

"...She has loved another guy."

All this time, I thought she'd wanted only me but tonight, I saw it in her eyes… I pounded the couch strong enough that my fist could even feel the impact, She didn't want me. She avoided my gaze… I could feel it in every inch of her body.

A feeling of jealousy can't be reprimanded. Could it be that I am in love with my wife? I don't even know what my true feelings are for her.

For some reason, my guts told me to stare at my display screen. I browsed a message sent few days ago and recalled the conversation I had with Sandra, my ex-fiancee.

I put away the thought. A while ago I was thinking about whether I am in love with my wife, now, contemplating how to get back with my ex-girlfriend?

But I couldn't helped thinking about it. I even gulped as I relived her say my name, "Johann," she said it the way she used to call my name, provocative and alluring.

"Johann?" she repeated when I failed to answer.

That time, "Sandra," I kept it civil.

"I want you back, Johann. I never should have left you. I should have stopped you from marrying her, but I was so pissed with you at that time. I felt betrayed, you know. But I… I just can't live without you any longer. I can't even stand watching you beside her. Leave her and be with me, and I will love you forever."

Her voice was clear and composed. She knew what she wanted, and she didn't waver demanding me back.

Before I could even respond, Sandra was kissing me then walked away. Later that day, she sent me an address to meet her by noon tomorrow. I laughed like a moron reading her message.

I felt the dehydration in my throat, so I hit the fridge to get a can of beer, but I saw a pumpkin pie with a note from my wife instead.

"I couldn't finish baking on time, so I just bought this, Happy 2nd Anniversary, Johann."

I expected my dopamine to kick in, but all I could think about was, If I were that man, would she bake for me?

And that exact thought illuminated my mind. All I needed to do was hand her over the divorce agreement and watch how she reacted.

I had a slice of the pumpkin pie for our wedding anniversary but happy hormones never set in. So I added a glass of rum to get rid of stress, a wife who doesn't love me, and an ex-girlfriend who still wanted me. How did I get into this mess?

I drank myself to sleep on the couch. When I woke up, it was already dawn, so instead of disturbing her, I decided to drown myself again in rum, but long before I could feel the weight of alcohol in my brain, a pair of thin arms clang around my shoulder and neck. Her hair scent was so addictive, and her warm breath aroused me even more.

My wife, oh, my wife. I can't help but wonder if you've done it with your man, too? And that thought could make me a murderer.

I didn't know how to react, with my mind clouded with so many things. In the end, I heard myself say in a very cold and distant way, "I have something to tell you, we need to talk."

Her arms finally let go of me and she stepped back thanks to my loud mouth, "S-sure? I also have something to tell you."

I observed her demeanor and she somehow seemed nervous, hands together, excessive licking of her soft cherry lips, roaming eyes, I wondered what news she got.

I crossed my legs and set the mood as comfortably as I could, "What is it you want to tell me, wife?"

"Uhm, y-you first," she shyly chuckled and asked me to start the conversation.

I don't usually do this but I'm desperate to know what's on her mind. So I picked up the envelope beside me and gave it to her, "That's our divorce agreement, I want you to go over this and let me know what needs to change."

There was utter silence, and all she did was stare at it, that's when I noticed a paper crumpled in her right hand.

"Kendra? What's that?" but there was no response from her.

She was out of it and must have entered a state of shock, "Kendra? Are you uh–"

"–Oh, yes, yes. Sorry. I'll uh… just let you know. B-but may I ask why? I mean, we were okay, and things were good."

"Yes, we're good."

"Then why?" she wore a straight face but her voice was loud, and there was a hint of a quiver. So in my mind, I had hope, maybe she didn't want to divorce right? Or so I thought.

I should not let her know it was because of my stupid jealousy, that's why I used my ex-girlfriend, "It's Sandra."

But I think maybe it was a bad idea after all, because this stupid prank had a setback, and it hit me right straight to my face when she said,

"Okay, I understand. Thank you for telling me," and she was smiling.

She was fucking smiling when she agreed to the divorce. Just like that, my ego got stepped on. Is she just waiting for me to propose the divorce? Was there never a chance from the beginning at all? All this time, was it him all along?

She was about to leave when my eyes laid on that piece of paper in her hand for the second time around. Something tells me this is something I should know, so I took the guts to ask her,

"Uh, you've been holding it for quite a while now. Mind telling me what that in your hands is?"

But all I had was a short answer, "Just a piece of… nevermind. I just forgot to throw it on my way here," and then she walked away from my sight.

It was a rough day so I poured myself another round of rum.