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Indecision

POV: Alexandra

The inside of my head was screaming Enzo in shock but I didn’t vocalize it. I asked shakily, “Why would he say I was a danger to Vellum?” He cleared his throat uncomfortably and continued, “It was the matter of the King being poisoned with your blood. He said that your blood could be used again to throw Vellum into disarray and even suggested that you be banished from Vellum completely.” It hurt to hear that Enzo was so vehemently opposed to my being Lucien’s wife. I blinked to try and keep the tears from coming but my body did not get the message from my mind. I shook my head and wiped my tears and angrily said, “Well you can tell him he won’t have to worry about banishing me because I am leaving Vellum.” My mother shot up from her seat, “What?!” I looked up at her, “I had decided that, if I lost the competition to Rayla, I would leave Vellum. I am still deciding which realm I would be leaving. I cannot stay here to be whispered about and it would hurt to see the man I love marry another.” Edgar sniffled, “I completely understand, Lady Alexandra. I can see it would be the hardest thing to see. I do hope your mother can understand.” My mother sighed and sat back down, “I understand but I do think the decision may be hasty.” I shook my head, “I decided before all of this and I took time to think about it. The hasty thing would be to decide where I’m going right now. I will take a few days to think about it.” She sighed, “Just promise me you won’t go back to Evergreen.” I shook my head vigorously, “No concern there. I love Colorado but I hate that town.” Edgar sighed, “You cannot know how sorry I am. I just don’t see you as a danger to this realm and I very much doubt His Majesty feels that way either. I had heard he summoned Enzo to the castle this morning.” Another silence settled into the room and Edgar took that as a sign to leave since he had come to say what he was going to say. He was also expected to go to Rayla for her Queen lessons.

It was another pierce to my heart and I had excused myself from my mother. I also needed time and space to think and plan my next move. I wasn’t going to sit around too long in Vellum while I got the obligatory sympathy letters and visitors. I had only room to entertain one person and that was the one who delivered me the terrible news of why I wasn’t picked. I asked Dana to turn away everyone who came to call on me and that included Lucien. I couldn’t talk to him when I was in the state I was. I was selfish, I know but it was a first for me since I had given to others so often. I had hoped that others would forgive me this one time. I locked my door again and sat down at my desk with a notepad and pen in hand. I wrote out the two destinations I had thought to go to and their pros and cons. It took me the better part of the day to write everything out. I had just finished when I heard a voice in my head, “I do hope you will come visit before you leave, dear one. It would hurt me immensely to see you leave without a visit.” I smiled, “Mordred, I wouldn’t dream of it. I can stop by tomorrow because I think I will be leaving the next day. How are you? Feeling better?” He spoke softly, “Oh my healers are very efficient. I have seen better days but you can’t keep me down very long. Vanessa is taking care of the menial things. She’s heartbroken for you, she wanted me to convey that to you since you aren’t taking visitors. Rude by the way.” He chuckled at the fun he was trying to poke at me and I appreciated his humor at this point. I laughed a little too, “Thanks, Uncle. I appreciate you cheering me up.” I could hear the smile in his voice, “I wouldn’t be the proper uncle if I didn’t though I still consider you more of a granddaughter at times since I’m older than your father.” I scoffed, “You’re young at heart and that’s what counts.” He proceeded to provide details of when he would come for me so I could visit House of Dark before I left. He conveyed that everyone there was sad that I would be leaving. He then said, “I have an opinion on where you should be going, by the way. If you choose to hear it, we can discuss that tomorrow.” His presence left my head without a bye which was sometimes something that happened with Mordred since he was always busy.

I heard a knock on the door and I opened it up to see my mother holding a package and an envelope, “The package was from Grand Pretre and the letter is from Prince Calypso. I took the items from my mother and she looked at me concerned, “Do you need to talk? You know I am here.” I smiled at her, “Eventually, Mom but not right now. I am still processing it. Maybe tonight?” She nodded, “Make sure you eat, dear.” I replied, “Let’s have dinner together alone.” She nodded and turned away from my door. I closed it and locked it back up again then brought the items to my tea table to have a look. I opened the letter first because I was curious to know what Cal had to say. It said:

“Dearest Alexandra,

I know that you are heartbroken right now. I wanted to stop by but I heard from Nystasia that you haven’t left your room much since last night. She was very worried about you since the sadness came off of you like a large thick black cloud. It is understandable and I wanted to give you some space to feel what you need to feel. Just know that I am here if ever you need me. If you need an escape, just know that our invitation for you to come back with us to Seely is still open. Even if it is just to get away from it all, you are welcome to come. I will not press the issue we spoke of before. You don’t deserve to have that sort of pressure on you. Please let me know if you need anything from us. I will be there immediately, should you need me.

Yours,

Cal”

I didn’t realize how much I needed that letter, it was the other men who loved me most that did their best to cheer me up. I was extremely touched that each did what they could. I pressed the letter from Cal to my chest and vowed silently that I would give him a reply tomorrow once I’ve thought about what I would do. I turned to the package and opened it, there was another letter inside.

“To the savior of Vellum,

No doubt by now you will have learned that I voted against you in the Queen competition. It was not without reason so please understand and do try to forgive me. I did what I did because your destiny was really not to marry. Your destiny was to travel to another realm and heal that realm of its sickness. To that end, I have sent this anklet that is enchanted with a protection spell. You will need it where you will decide to go. Please write to me while you are away, I will know you have forgiven me then.

With all my admiration,

Grand Pretre”

I briefly wondered if she knew where I was going before I did and remembered her particular ability. I wish she could tell me where that exactly was because I wasn’t sure where it was myself just yet. I pulled the jewelry out of the box and looked at it. It wasn’t very ornate, just a short dainty silver chain. I took it over to my jewelry box and placed it inside. I sat down at my desk to take a look at my list again to see if something popped out. I stared at it for a while but threw it back down on my desk with a sigh. I leaned back in my chair and looked up at the ceiling. A knock sounded at the door and I walked over to open it. Dana was standing there smiling with a tray in her hands, “Her Grace said you were to have dinner with her in your room tonight.” I looked over at my window and the day gave way to dusk which made me wonder how long I took staring at the list I had made. I stepped aside and allowed her in to set up the table. My mother came into the room shortly after and we sat down at the tea table. We spoke about my feelings and how heartbroken I was to hear that I would not be marrying Lucien. I told her how I had tried to prepare myself for each scenario but my head never could reconcile that with my heart. My mother told me that it rarely ever does. We discussed where I would go next but she didn’t want to influence my decision since she still thought that I should stay put and ride out the storm. I went to bed shortly after because I had a feeling that Mordred would be so kind as to drop by as early as he could, even if that meant that he was coming in too early.

True to my feelings, he dropped in at the break of dawn. Of course, I was still sleeping so I had to shoo him out of my room so I could shower and get ready to leave. After about thirty minutes, I went out to find him. He was in the foyer speaking to Nystasia. She smiled up at me, “You seem to be in better spirits today.” She turned to Mordred to say, “I need to go pack now.” I furrowed my brow at her, “Pack? Are you leaving?” She nodded but the smile was still on her face, “I think it is time I go back home and my father and brother are leaving tomorrow so I figured I would accompany them back home. I enjoyed my time here but it is time that I resume my duties in Seely.” She left the room and I looked up at Mordred, “I wonder why she didn’t say anything before.” He chuckled, “She didn’t know herself until this morning that she was going back to Seely. Come now, dear one. Let us get up to the House of Dark.” He opened the portal and offered his arm. I took it and we stepped through. As before when I visited, we were in the foyer. Jynx was waiting for us there. She bowed at me, “I’m sorry for my absence, Your Eminence. I was preparing for our trip.” I looked up at Mordred, “You knew, didn’t you?” He nodded sadly but didn’t look at me, “We have an oracle, dear one. I was informed that you were going on a journey and you wouldn’t be Queen. Your destiny is elsewhere.” I sighed, “That is what Grand Pretre said as well.” He looked down at me, “Have you made up your mind?” I shook my head, “I had hoped I would have had clarity by now but nothing sticks out to me.” He smiled, “Like I said yesterday, I have thoughts if you care to hear them. Let’s go have tea.”

He escorted me into his study where tea and breakfast were already set out. He offered me a chair which I gladly sat down in. He poured the two cups of tea along with cream and sugar into my tea. He took his straight and we sipped on it silently for a few minutes. I decided to break the silence, “So what were your thoughts?” He clacked his tea in the saucer gently and set the cup and saucer on the coffee table in front of him. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs and arms, “I do hope you will hear me out and not fly off the handle.” I smiled at him, “I wouldn’t ask for your opinion if I didn’t want to hear everything you thought. Don’t worry.” He nodded, “Okay, I think you should accept the offer of marriage to Prince Calypso.”

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