Finally Madeline
It's all right. In a way, you were right. - I gave a half smile, and
smile, and she smiled back.
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Right now, that's not what this is about.
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What? What is it? - I said, almost with a thrashing.
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Matthew brought me here, your mother sent for me. Apparently Summer found your tests.
I smiled instantly at her.
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But he's here with me. - I showed her my hand with the brown envelope. Vivian denied with her head.
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Yes, this one is with you, but your Beta HCG...
I felt as if my blood had been drained from my face, or I had simply been through too much emotion for one day. I was shaking, in a cold sweat! What the hell was she going through my things?
Vivian called my name louder than usual to snap me out of my worried trance.
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Nicole! You look pale, you need to calm down! I didn't say anything, I said that you hadn't said anything to me or Alice, but I'm sure she knows, that she didn't buy my lie. Summer was helping to pack her things and saw the envelope, but didn't open it, just gave it to her mother, who saw the result and called me. I had no reaction. She screamed a lot, but I didn't say anything, I swear! - Vivian crossed her fingers as in a promise and kissed them. - Sacred, secret.
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Ahem! - I jumped and looked back after Summer had huffed. - Your mother wishes to speak to you alone.
I looked up at her with my big surprised eyes, my breathing labored, my hands trembled, and my heart skipped a beat. - I'll be right there.
She smiled sweetly and added. - You must hurry, she's not in a good mood.
Vivian held my hand firmly, as if she wasn't going to leave me alone. I reciprocated her touch, holding her hand tightly. We walked back down the hallway into the living room, where Madeleine was still the same. The only difference was the empty bourbon glass.
Excuse me, Mrs. Vivian, but she's expecting Nicole alone. If you like, you can
wait in the living room or even in the kitchen with me. I'm preparing some tea. - Summer gave a wink, holding out her hands to Vivian in an invitation. Vivian took a moment to accept, but eventually gave in and followed her into the house, while I was finally alone with Madeleine.
I stood still for a long time. I didn't know what to do, whether to speak or to
wait for her to speak. I sniffled lightly.
No answer.
I moved a little closer to the armchair.
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Madel... Mom... - I said finally.
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I didn't think I would have the courage," she said, her voice low and firm. - I could tell by the delay in talking to me. And ever since you walked through that door, I've been waiting.
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Err... I... uh... you were distracted, I didn't think you would... notice me.
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But I always do! - she said abruptly. - I care! And I don't know what the hell you think this conversation is about! But I don't beat around the bush and you know it. - She stood up, expression neutral. She walked over to the table, pouring herself bourbon again. My gaze followed her every step, every twinkle in her eyes, her rapidly rising and falling chest, unmasking her true emotions. - You're pregnant," she said bluntly.
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I swallowed hard, there seemed to be shards of glass in my throat. She approached me calmly and then gave me the exam in her hand. I looked at her speechless, there was nothing to say, it was all there. At no time did Madeleine take her eyes off mine, coldly studying my reactions.
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Yes," she said at once, breaking eye contact.
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How could you be so stupid? - she shouted.
-I-I... I... I don't know... I'm sorry. - What else could I say?
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I'm done! I'm tired of telling you! I'm so tired of you!
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What? How can you say that to me? How can you say that to me? - I stared at her.
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You heard me right, Nicole. I knew from the moment you were born that you would make everything difficult for me! I had plans for you, Nicole! How could you ruin everything?
--- Mess it up? I never, never wanted to make anything difficult for you. On the contrary, I was too busy trying to be a good daughter to you!
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What are you saying? I give you everything! You study in the best school in town, you have a private driver, monthly deposits in your bank account that a high-class family could live on. And you think I was busy trying to be a good daughter? Please, Nicole!
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Yes, I have all that, but when I needed you most. - my voice shook - you weren't there! And what good is all this? From the moment you left us in this house, from the moment you sent your assistant to Dad's funeral, from the moment you left me alone in that boarding school. I needed you! And at no time did you think to visit me, to be there.
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Please, these are not matters of the past! - he said firmly. If I hadn't left, you wouldn't have this life, Nicole! I don't know where you think money comes from, but I run a multi-million dollar company! And no thanks to you! I needed it! A child, you, were not in my plans! I really wish I had the opportunity I'm giving you now? - he lowered his tone. - We have the family doctor, Dr. Aspem. - He rubbed his eyes frantically. - I've already called him to let him know the situation. You're going to take this baby out tomorrow!
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But I-I-I-I-I-I don't want to! - I screamed, throwing my hands in the air.
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You what? - She came closer, staring at me.
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I... Please don't make me...
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Make you? - she said, smiling. - You don't know what you want, Nicole! You're just a spoiled teenager who doesn't know anything about life! You can't... you're going to succeed me at the company! If I had had the opportunity...
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You would have what, Madeleine? You would have aborted me! Your life would certainly be better without me, wouldn't it? - I felt the tears burning on my face.
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No, Nicole, it's not about what I could have done! After all, you're not here anymore! - She pointed hard at my chest.
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Yes, I am here! And I have turned all these years on my own. Often forgetting that I had a mother.
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Ahhh... Please, Nicole, don't attribute your mistakes and choices to me. I always advised you, even from a distance, to make the right choices!
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Yes, but that's not how you raise a child! - I spat.
--- That's exactly why you shouldn't have been born! I never wanted you! Is that what you want to hear? I never, never wanted children! George did! He did want a daughter! I wasn't born to be a mother. I was always too busy with my work.
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How can you be so cruel, Madeleine?
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Cruel? You don't know anything about life! I am trying to help you so that you won't make the same mistakes I made! Today, you may not understand, but in a few years, you will thank me for giving you this opportunity!
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That's what you don't understand! - I said, pulling away. - I don't want to take this baby out. - I put my hands on my stomach.
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I'm not asking you, I'm just informing you that tomorrow morning the procedure will be performed.
I nodded my head endlessly before I took in what she had said.
she had said.
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If this happens, know that it will be totally against my will, and as long as I live to remember what you did to me, I will hate you. With all my soul.
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Not that I care what you feel," she said harshly. - In our relationship there was never any room for love.
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I hate you, Madeleine! I hate you! You've always been a terrible mother. I think that deep down you are afraid that I will become like you, sour inside, without the simple ability to love a person. It was you who made my father sick with your sick way.
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The slap she slapped me across the face was hard, making my skin burn and tingle, and the noise echoed through the room. I looked into her eyes, but refused to cry. For a moment I saw weakness and sadness in her eyes, but when I looked again, that trace was gone, and there was the Madeleine I had known.
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You are nothing but a spoiled brat, no wonder I have always preferred to keep my distance from you. However, you can hate me for all eternity, I don't care. I know that one day you will thank me, and this conversation will end here. Now go upstairs and stay there, I don't intend to see you until tomorrow, I'll send your dinner to your room. And be prepared, you'll be up early. - She sat back in her chair again, with her back to me.
I hurried upstairs. I sat up in bed, but I didn't cry. I was tired of everything. I thought about running away, leaving. But where to? I had no next of kin, Vivian and Alice were going off to college, I had no options. - I'm sorry," I whispered to myself, patting my stomach. Later, Summer offered me food. I refused, I was so sad and tired that I lost myself in my thoughts and once again fell asleep.