Let's talk about Jardel
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I took into account your opinion, yes. – I objected.
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Do you swear, dear? Ben glared at me.
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If you had listened to us, you wouldn't have lost eight years of your life involved with that piece of shit. And he still judges me. – Salma sat on the other sofa, legs up, excited to start discussing the most ridiculous part of my life.
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I'm free of him and that's what matters. Now I only have one focus: Bon Jovi.
The two started to laugh.
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While you were with Jardel, was Bon Jovi the lover? Or the other way around? Ben narrowed his eyes, trying not to laugh.
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Anything. I shrugged. “He has always been the true love of my life.
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And my Axel Rose, Miss Alice in Wonderland. Ben hugged me. – Don't start making up this story of “I'm going to love someone impossible and be happier if that's the case”.
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Ben's right, Babi. It's been two years. You have to move on.
Yes, it had been two years since I had gotten rid of Jardel, my ex-boyfriend. And it wasn't easy. I only got it when he died. And I can't say that “unfortunately” he died... Because I was the happiest person in the world when that happened.
But I couldn't move on after he left. And not out of love for him. I just became afraid to get involved again.
My relationship with Jardel was good only in the first year. He was beautiful, adventurous, full of dreams and showed me a world I didn't know. I threw myself in and gave him my whole heart. And there was no room left inside me for anything but him. Not even for myself.
I met him at the age of eighteen, shortly after my mother died. I was coming out of my teens and still wanting to enter a rebellious phase, even after the time had passed.
His family was wonderful. The mother, the father, the brothers... They treated me as if I really belonged there, being part of a family that I thought I never had, because it was just me, my mother and grandmother.
A while later, his father left; met another woman. The mother was finished, not accepting the separation. Their lives turned upside down... Consequently, mine too. Jardel, who until then only smoked a few joints to have fun and be happier, started using new drugs. He went through all of them and ended up in the ace. And I was there with him, by his side, the whole time. Because I loved him, because I thought I had this commitment, since he had healed me from the pain of losing my dear mother.
When the situation became untenable, he promised me he would stop. He went through several rehab clinics. At the end? Nothing resolved. Promises were never kept, lying became a constant part of our relationship and sobriety was short-lived. In the end, I just couldn't stand him with or without drugs.
Two years before he died, he started the betrayal part. I think he didn't even know what he was doing anymore. And when I was at my wit's end and trying to end our relationship, it wasn't just apologies he tried. He started stalking me, including making me miss some college classes and then promising jobs.
I no longer believed in him. And I also didn't want to be betrayed anymore. The least I deserved was loyalty, since I had held his ground for so many years. There was no more sex... Except when he made me. That's when he managed to maintain an erection.
Tired, scared, because he was already starting to be violent in some situations, I started to simply pretend that I was next to him, when in fact it was just my body and not my mind or my heart.
His family and I knew that if I left him, he would do something crazy. And I wasn't willing to find out what his next step would be: commit suicide, kill his mother, one of his brothers or me... Anyway, nobody knew.
From a promising, intelligent boy, adored by all, Jardel became an indigent, a beggar. He lost a job, he lost friends, he lost everything he had. In the end, it was just the family and me. They thought I never gave up on him. I knew that what I took into account was my life. I mean, I was afraid.
But I knew that no harm lasted forever. I was used to suffering. What is a drug addicted, crazy, violent boyfriend to a girl who lost her mother at sixteen, went to live with a grandmother she barely knew and never knew who her father was?
But I couldn't deny it. I endured in large part thanks to my friends Benicio and Salma. At first they tried to help me, give me advice, put me in my head that I had to leave Jardel and live my life. Years later they gave up. They knew I wouldn't do that, as if carrying Jardel on my back was my destiny and life goal.
My grandmother, Mandy, stayed by my side. She never gave advice... Just her shoulder to cry on. And I heard my screams for no reason and bad mood, without asking why. Because deep down, she knew.
I spent a short time living with my mother's mother, Mandy Novaes. My mother and I lived our whole lives. When she died, victim of a car accident, I found myself completely alone. I ended up with my only living relative, my grandmother, who lived in the countryside. A gigantic place, but that in no way resembled the life I had always lived up to that moment.
In these two years that I lived with her, I stayed away from Salma.
I met Jardel at a gas station, while I was getting gas, along with some friends. It was love at first sight. I asked him out. Soon we were together. I lost my virginity to him.
At first both our relationship and the sex were good. But I confess that I came more while masturbating, looking at the Bon Jovi poster, than when he penetrated me.
The luck of it all is that I always knew my life was shit. And I never thought Jardel would get me out of that situation, even though I liked him. Certain that my father was some idiot who got my mother pregnant and left, I was never deceived about men. Where's the luck in all this? The mere possibility of getting pregnant by him scared the shit out of me. So I never had sex without a condom, apart from the contraceptive, which I never forgot a single day. The possibility of getting pregnant with Jardel was zero.
Eight years of having sex with a man using a condom so as not to get pregnant and best of all: not to acquire a venereal disease or anything else.
Why would I believe in God? I attended mass with the woman I thought was my grandmother since I was a child. When she died and left all her assets to distant relatives, except my mother, I knew I didn't have her blood. My mother worked at her house, as a maid. The old woman treated me like family because we lived there and nobody came to see her. Even so, the whore left everything in her will to her blood relatives and not to my mother, who took care of her until the end of her life.
From then on, my mother rented a house for us. They were the happiest years of our lives. She had a good job, I was still studying and getting good grades and I had my best friend Salma always with me. In fact, we now lived even closer to each other.
The two of us always agreed, since we were little, that one day we would live together in an apartment. Of course, the plan wasn't to rent and be on the fourth floor and the elevator was always broken. We'd have perfect men, we'd have drinks on the balcony looking at the full moon while they serenaded us. Ironically, we didn't even have a balcony.
Anyway, Mom died and I knew then that I had a grandmother. All this in order not to go to an institution for orphaned minors. I rebelled and made her life hell at first. But Mandy was strong. And she never let anything get her down. I soon found out that my mother left home very young, because she got involved with an older man, and my grandfather was against the relationship. I don't know if my father was this man, or another... Or maybe a third or fourth. Mom never wanted to talk about him. She just said that she was tricked and that he knew about my existence, but he never came after us.
Unfortunately my grandma didn't know anything. And I'm not even sure why the two were so distant and didn't speak to each other, even after my grandfather's death.
Mandy Novaes was financially better off than my mother. Even with my late rebellious crises, it paid for all my college. And it helped with my first job, already at the North Noriah Center. I was fired because Jardel entered my work environment drugged and made a regrettable scene.
Anyway, life wasn't easy for anyone. I didn't believe that there could be people without problems.
Little did I know that yes, it existed... And soon I would know. And that “I” would be someone's only problem. After all, we cannot predict the future. Because if that were the case, when I saw Jardel the first time, he would have disappeared right away.
Moving forward I already followed. The point is that I wasn't stuck because of Jardel or the loss. On the contrary; after I went to the funeral and came home, I popped a bubbly and went with my friends to celebrate at the Hazard. I drank until I couldn't take it anymore and was brought home almost in an alcoholic coma. I think it was the best thing that happened in my life after graduation.
And no, I wasn't a bad person. I was too good, after all, I was with Jardel for eight years. That is, eight years thrown in the trash. When he was gone, it was like the lid on the trash can had closed for me. And I free.
You must be wondering: where does Bon Jovi fit into this whole story? Well, he helped me all the way through my unconventional life. How did he do it? Just landing beautifully on a poster, I would paste them on the walls, ceiling, t-shirts... When everything went wrong, it was his smile that consoled me. And the lyrics of failed love songs made me delirious. Not to mention the shows I watched on TV, which was like I was there with him, in the middle of the crowd, screaming until I lost my voice.
He brought me good memories... Of a happy life, of a girl who had no obligations and didn't even know what problems were. He reminded me of happiness... And my mother... The two of us, lying on my bed, laughing at silly things... While his picture on the wall stared at us.
Everyone thought: she's just another fan, one of those fan-natics. It started at eleven years old, so the idea was that it would pass. The problem is that I was 27... And it didn't pass. I even had a tattoo named after him. And yes, it was the only one.
If you asked me today: what's your dream? I wouldn't think twice: meet Bon Jovi. And fuck his wife. I would kiss him on the mouth. And then I would kidnap him.
I looked at my friends and said:
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I don't want to talk about Jardel. I already got sick.
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Like this? We haven't even started. - Salma started to laugh.
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But I ended it. A movie has already crossed my mind. And he managed to be on the lists of "to cry", "to scream", "to laugh"... Except for "pretend that they are watching".
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Ah, yes, enter this list, Babizinha. Ben looked at me. - You pretended not to see.
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I've always seen, Ben... Everything.
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I know exactly what you need. Salma stood up, pulling me off the couch and into Ben's arms.
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Cash, Bon Jovi and a one-way ticket to Dubai? I arched an eyebrow.
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No. You need to know Babylon.
I laughed:
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I don't even have money to pay the rent, my friend. You will have to pay me this month.
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I'll get you inside.
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Through the men's room window? Ben stood up, clapping his hands.
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By the staff entrance, you fools.
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May I know why you didn't do this years before, while I was begging for this moment? – Ben was confused and angry at the same time.
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Because it wasn't an urgent situation. Now is. – she justified.
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Like this? I'm going to die, is that it? Do you know something about endometriosis that I don't? I wrinkled my forehead, trying to remain calm as I stared into my red-haired friend's honey-green eyes.
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Fuck you guys. Enough of being straight. What do I gain by doing this? Fuck no. Besides, Mr. Casanova won't be poorer if I put two non-payers inside his luxurious nightclub.
Ben started jumping up and down and clapping his hands:
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Let's put on makeup, girls!
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That can't give you trouble? I asked.
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Of course. - she laughed. - And I don't care. You are my friends and you deserve it. You need to get out of this fucking life you've been living, Babi.
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And Babylon will do this? - I laughed.
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Oh, friend, I can bet you do. No one with less than six trailing zeros on their account enters that place.
Ben had already disappeared, gone to get ready.
I sighed and hugged her.
- Do you play Bon Jovi there?
She laughed:
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Friend, Bon Jovi only touches your little head. He's old and worn out. You can't even remember the songs by heart.
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Salma, Bon Jovi is like wine... The older it gets, the better it gets.
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And what do you understand about wines, my friend?
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Nothing... But I understand Bon Jovi. - I started to laugh.
I put on a burgundy dress, short and tight, which left part of my breasts on display, contrasting with my pale skin. The bare back enhanced my body. I combed my hair and left it loose, with the blond waves falling over my shoulders halfway down my back. The lipstick matched the color of the dress. Nude eyeshadow to contrast my blue eyes. And an extremely tall shoe to compensate for my small height. A gold purse with nothing in it but my photo ID and a cell phone. Money, which is good, I didn't have.
Yes, I was prepared to visit the most expensive and talked about nightclub in the country... And also the place where my best friend worked.
And so it was there, that night, that it all began. The beginning of my life... For real.