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Chapter 4: Goodbye

Sitting on the hotel bed, I feel my head throbbing.

The euphoria that once consumed my body has vanished, leaving only anguish. I feel as if something terrible is about to happen, but it's a deceptive sensation because the worst has already occurred.

I just had sex with Mr. Kauer. Nathan's stepfather.

I'm such a fool! How could I not recognize the surname? Even though I've never seen him, Nathan told me information about him that now makes sense.

He always spoke about the businessman who raised him in place of his father. An absent figure during much of his adolescence, but one who showed up during his childhood. I know they're not close nowadays, but I can't help but admit how weird the situation is for me.

I'm confused. The sensations blend continuously. I can still feel John inside me.

We've been together for hours. Hours that felt like minutes. The most intense minutes of my life.

Tonight is important to me. It was the first time I truly gave myself to a man, and until now, everything was perfect. I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I didn't expect it to end this way.

The worst part is that even knowing what I know now, I still desire him. I want to feel him again and explore his body in ways still unknown to me.

But now, it's all so... wrong.

I see him from here, and he seems meticulously sculpted. He's leaning on the hotel balcony while speaking on the phone, completely unaware of the turmoil inside my head.

I don't know what I'm going to say when he comes back, what excuse I can invent to leave, but I need to get out of here. I see him walking towards me again, and I quickly stand up, searching for my clothes scattered on the floor.

Can't see him, but I know he's confused. The silence lingers, and then I look at him. His eyebrows are furrowed, and he looks angry.

He just became even more irresistible than before.

"What's going on, Hana?" he asks, and I feel my body trembling.

Think, Hana. Think quickly.

"There's an emergency, my friend Alice needs me." I point to the phone on the nightstand, taking advantage of the visible notification on the screen to solidify my lie.

"I thought we'd spend more time together." He rests his finger on my chin, lifting my head towards him. "We didn't have time to do anything, love." His sweet voice drives me crazy.

I almost forgot the reason why I wanted to leave so abruptly. He makes me forget my values, everything. It's too tempting.

"Sorry, John. She needs me." I reinforce, struggling to sound as genuine as possible.

"I understand, Hana." He takes off the robe he's wearing, completely naked.

I don't know if it's an attempt to convince me to stay, but if it is, it's working.

I bite my lower lip forcefully, forcing myself to stay grounded. He's Nathan's damn stepfather. I still don't know how I'm going to tell him. If I tell him.

Damn, I'm so confused. So... aroused.

It's torturous.

I watch him dress as I struggle to zip up my dress.

He slowly approaches when he sees I'm having difficulty. He presses his still bare chest against my back, reminding me of the warmth of his skin against mine.

The sigh that escapes me reveals the need to have him close, and once again, I need to keep my senses intact.

"Can you zip it up for me?" I ask, and he immediately zips it up, sealing it with a slow kiss on my neck.

He barely touches me, and I already feel wet again. My body is ready to repeat everything that happened in the past few hours. But my mind is preoccupied, trapped in a bewildering confusion that barely allows me to form a coherent sentence.

Thankfully, I can blame the alcohol.

"Where do you want me to take you?" he asks gently.

"No need to drive me, I'll call a taxi," I say, already knowing he will oppose the idea.

I've only known John Kauer for a few hours, but I see that he is a complete gentleman.

A handsome, perverted gentleman.

"I can't let you go alone, Hana." His fingers glide over my collarbone, caressing the exposed skin revealed by the dress's neckline. "I think you're a little drunk to walk alone."

I look at the wine bottle next to the nightstand and see that it's practically empty. We drank so fast that I could hardly notice. He makes me thirsty.

"I'm fine, John. You don't need to worry."

"No arguing, Hana." I roll my eyes as he gathers his belongings, and that seems to make him angry.

"You know, you're not my father. We barely know each other, I can choose what I do." I say irritably.

"You're right, I'm not. Fathers can't do what I plan to do with you when we meet again." He twirls the car keys on his index finger, walking slowly towards me.

The heat intensifies. I thought by now the sensation would fade away. But no, the intensity remains. He sees my mental confusion but blames it on the wine we devoured in a matter of hours.

He has no idea of the real reason that leaves me so bewildered, and I hope he doesn't find out anytime soon.

"There won't be another time," my voice comes out hoarse, and my body understands that my words don't reflect what I feel.

I know I want this to happen again. Damn, how badly I want it. But I can't, it's wrong.

"Who are you trying to fool, love?" He mocks. "I can see on your face how much you want me to fuck you again." He whispers directly onto my lips, dragging his mouth against mine.

It's almost enough for me to give in, but I'm determined. I won't allow this to happen again, no matter how difficult it is.

"I told you, John. I'm not like the others." I retort. "You won't see me chasing after you. And that's a promise." He clenches his jaw, annoyed, and that's the image engraved in my mind before leaving that room.

I try to convince myself of that because there's no other alternative, but this is the last time I should see John Kauer.

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