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Chapter 5: Bad Decisions

I feel my chest tight. I woke up recently and already feel my body tense due to all the events of last night. Everything happened so suddenly, so quickly. I still don't know how to react, or how I should handle it. I'm not sure if the way I acted with John was ideal. But in a moment of desperation, there was no other way. The bitter taste that his irritated expression left only makes everything worse.

And even if I wanted to, I don't have a chance to apologize for acting so strangely. We didn't even exchange numbers, not even an email. At this point, even though it's sad to admit, I know I will never see him again. I think it's better this way. It's how it should have been. We weren't supposed to meet, nor for everything that happened last night.

He didn't follow me, as I imagined he would. He respected my wish, and I don't know if I feel sad or happy about it. I think a part of me wished he would forcefully pull me and make me stay in that hotel room, as strange as it sounds. I wish I could erase last night and go back to how things were before.

My relationship with Nathan wasn't perfect, we had our problems. But he always respected my decision to remain a virgin until I felt ready to move forward. I think that shows a bit of his character. That's why it's still so confusing to think about why he suddenly left me yesterday, in the middle of our graduation party.

We were friends for so long, then we became boyfriend and girlfriend, it's a relationship that can't be erased. And now, I don't know what to do with the information that I slept with his stepfather.

Gosh, it's all so confusing.

Alice was out when I arrived, luckily. I don't want anyone to know what happened between me and John Kauer. Only God knows the problems it can cause for both of us.

I am determined to keep this secret at all costs.

So, I disguise it the best I can. I get out of bed, determined that I need to sort out my feelings before facing the long day. I still remember my main goal: to find a job.

While I get ready, my phone vibrates on the bedside table. I momentarily ignore it, despite being annoyed by the sound of notifications. Only when I am satisfied with my appearance, do I pick it up, and to my surprise, I see several missed calls.

All from Nathan.

My body freezes as I observe the multiple calls on the screen of my phone. What if he found out? What if... Does John already know?

The possibility disgusts me. I prefer to believe that, like me, he has no idea that we have a very close "friend" in common.

Looking at the content of the messages, I see that he insists on meeting and talking. I rest my hand on my forehead and squint in agony. Not just out of anger, since he didn't even consider it before leaving me on the most important night of my life, but because I consider that he knows what happened yesterday.

Before I can decide what to do, my phone rings again. This time, it's a call from an unknown number. I answer, curious to know who it could be.

"Hello, this is Beth from the recruitment company. We would like to invite you for a job interview next week," said the voice on the other end of the line.

I couldn't believe it. It seemed like things were finally starting to go right.

If I get a job, I can stay.

Moving back in with my parents can't be an option, I don't want to live that way again. Being controlled every second, unable to breathe on my own.

Just the thought of it is suffocating.

This job interview is the perfect opportunity for me to focus on something positive and forget about my problems. My big, delicious problem.

I want to think of John as a repulsive man who disgusts me. But he was perfect in everything I can remember. The fresh details in my memory only cause more anxiety about seeing him again, and that is not a possibility.

And even with the confusion still lingering in my mind, I immediately accept the invitation. It's an opportunity I can't let slip away. The interview will be a fresh start, a step towards a different future. A bright future, as Alice often says to me.

Speaking of Alice, I can hear her voice in the dormitory hallway. She opens the door abruptly, giving me a loud good morning until she looks at my face attentively.

She probably realizes that I've been crying because her expression immediately changes.

"Is everything okay?" I ask before she can ask me the same question. I won't have the power to answer her honestly.

"I'm...," she almost hesitates in her response. "I'm fine."

"I'm excited to get out of here. I want a nice big king-size bed, no more bunk beds," I say in a joking tone, but she doesn't react at all.

"What's wrong, Alice?" My intuition tells me that something is not right.

"Nothing, Hana. I'm just hungover," she suddenly seems in a bad mood, leaving me confused.

"Wow, okay. I won't ask anymore," I move towards the hallway, balancing two boxes in my arms for the move.

We will finally leave campus, it's my dream to have my apartment. Well, it won't be just mine. Alice and Liam will share it with me. But still, it's a step forward.

Liam puts all the boxes in the car for our move, and Alice continues to be strangely odd. I want to ask what's wrong, but she's so irritable that I prefer to respect her space.

We are almost ready to leave when we see a delivery person approaching the car with several boxes stacked in the trunk.

"Delivery for Hana Mizuki," Alice and Liam immediately look at me, with suspicious expressions on their faces.

I'm hesitant to accept it, and I only do so because of the delivery person's insistence. It's a medium-sized and lightweight box, at least it doesn't seem to have a bomb inside.

I open it away from curious eyes, as much as possible, and see lingerie identical to what I wore last night. I close the box immediately, leaving only the card that came attached to the beautiful pink bow on top.

*Sorry for tearing the original version last night, love. I'm eager to tear this one, too.

Yours, Mr. Kauer. *

My face turns red, and my hands start to sweat. I look around like a paranoid, suspicious that he might be watching me.

How did he find me so easily? He's so intrusive. So... provocative.

Maybe it was a mistake. He seems like the persistent type, and I don't know if I can handle that right now. I hide the box in one of the suitcases so that Alice and Liam don't see it, and I hope they don't bombard me with questions about it later. However, when I see Alice approaching, I think that will be the first thing she'll do.

However, it was a surprise when she asks me to hold a small bag with her belongings, so she can go to the campus bathroom one last time. Still, speak brief and objective words, and I, once again, don't question it. I simply comply.

When she comes back, she's as pale as a sheet, and I get worried.

"Alice, you need to tell me what's going on! Are you okay?" I ask with concern, and she stops for a few seconds before answering.

"Hana... I'm pregnant."

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