Chapter Five

"You're nothing but a child who needs to learn how hard life is." The fingers squeeze my chin with a painful force that shocks my skin. The rough fingers are big enough to touch my jaw, I feel disgusted and fearful, but I remain silent. The drunken voice pours his alcoholic breath into my face and my whole body jerks. He looks at me as if I were a doll and I feel small and fragile, helpless. I hate him, but I force myself to listen one more time, it would not be today that I would raise my voice, maybe never. "One day a man will teach you the hard way..." He pulls his sweaty fingers from my skin and my face turns with the force of his disgust for me, "...but that man will not be me."

I wake shakily and reality falls lightly on my mind, overwhelmed by this dream memory. I learn my name and the other things that are extensions of me, as if reconnected to the world, to survival mode. I writhe and feel the stiff tension of my muscles awakening from their dormant state, the memories of the day before falling on me like an idea and everything I could feel before I feel now. Disgust, shame, guilt, resignation and desire. I take a deep breath to get used to this new memory, this new face that will haunt me for the next few days. I can still smell his scent and the stiff hand between my thighs, and the prospect of never forgetting it bothers me. I sigh angrily and stand up, the sun's rays greeting me with their warmth. I see Jessie asleep in her bed across the room and smile as I watch her resting peacefully. Jessie would have class at 10 a.m., I would have my first day of work at 8. I turn off the alarm because I woke up early, do my hygiene, and get dressed in a social ensemble. I wore a black pencil skirt that came up to my knees, a white women's social shirt, low heels, and a black blazer. I am not late, so I prepare my breakfast in Jessie's simple kitchen, making an extra portion for her to eat when she wakes up. I leave a note of goodbye, fix my hair in a partially loose comb, and leave the apartment in an anxious mood, influenced not only by the dose of coffee I had drunk.

The city is euphoric and alive. People are hurrying to their destinations, some are running, others are walking, bumping their shoulders against my side. I try to pretend to be like them and imitate them. I cross a few blocks full of buildings and shops and reach my destination, at first, I am shocked by the height, but then I realize the investment in the architecture of this building. The mirrored glass reflects the blue sky of the day, as well as my desperate reflection of a lower-middle-class girl. I swallow dryly and feel my hands freeze; the name "Moser" in gold letters does not lessen the impression that this place is outside my reality. My interview had taken place a week ago via video conference, I had competed with hundreds of other people for this and two other assistant positions, at least I wouldn't be the only newcomer there.

I walk in and see luxury around every corner, but I try to hide my fascination.

"Good morning, Miss..."

"Dakota Schwartz." My eyes meet the face of a tall adult woman, her brunette hair pulled back in a high, tight bun, carrying a black purse and a tablet in her hand. She smiles.

"Dakota, I’m Emily Miller. I assume you are one of the three new assistants, right?" She examines the tablet in her hand, confirming to herself. I say yes anyway. We are going to the twentieth floor to consult with Mr. Moser..."

"Mr. Moser himself?" I ask in surprise, my voice higher than usual. The woman slowly blinks at me and straightens her posture with a receptive smile.

"Mr. Moser “CEO”, miss. We don't speak directly to Mr. Moser “Boss”." She takes a deep breath and thinks about something. "He rarely comes here, and when he does, no one sees him. Theatrical, don't you think? " I nod a little uncertainly. "Follow me."

I follow her, fear dominating my body every step of the way. I stop beside her as the wide elevator doors open with a muted clatter. There are three people inside, but the elevator is so spacious it could hold ten or more. I step inside, clutching my purse to my side, the only thing I can hold on to at the moment. It's not about self-doubt or my ability to do my job, It’s just…the feeling of loneliness in a place full of focused people and a hierarchy I have never had to deal with in my entire inexperienced professional life. Positioned next to the woman, I feel the hollow ground beneath my feet as I climb so many floors above, I feel like I'm floating, but it doesn't reassure me. People come and go on their respective floors until it's just her and me, starting on floor 16. In a quick turn, she turns to me and looks at me with her very open, light brown eyes.

"I'm from the analysis section, floor 12. You are from the assistance section on floor 15, you will not be alone there". She looks at me strangely, I have the impression that her expression does not match her words. "If you need me, you can check the list of analysts and look for my email. I don't usually help, Mr. Moser usually gives the instructions... but I don't think you're good at the social part, which is very important here." I nod and let a smile appear on my lips, holding myself back from hugging her.

"That's nice of you. I appreciate it." She shrugs.

"We're here, you're on your own from here. No mistake, the floor is reserved for the CEO's office. "The number 20 flashes on the elevator panel and I thank this unique woman again.

I take a few steps toward the floor, but suddenly I feel the woman's thin, cold fingers touch my arm.

"Miss Dakota...Mr. Moser is understandable if it makes you feel any better." She raises an eyebrow involuntarily. "But that should not be the concern at hand, the people here, even he... Well, focus on your function and there will be no interference.

She releases my arm and pushes a button on the panel that signals her destination. I leave the elevator but watch her in her professional posture until the door closes and I am alone.

For the moment, there is only me, a luxurious and spacious floor, and the analyst's confusing words, wandering through my mind without coming to any conclusion.

I stand motionless in front of the elevator with a lost look in my eyes, the small corridor is empty and the silence of this floor makes me anxious and intimidated. I am surrounded by the view of New York in its splendor from above, the city sings and the people, and the cars, seem small and insignificant. I feel like I am in a glass castle where I am in an inferior position to the others, that was my job, but the woman's words destroyed what little hope I had of finding at least a place for myself there.

The place was empty for a reason: the second most powerful person in the place occupied the entire floor alone, and the prospect of meeting him in person frightened me, especially since I had no idea what to expect from him. Taking a deep breath, I gathered my courage and followed the single corridor to find myself in a small but luxurious waiting room. It seemed harmonious, I imagined that at night the place would have a different atmosphere with all this external and internal lighting. There were sofas and armchairs, but I didn't sit down, I walked around the room until I saw the dark wooden door that must be Mr. Moser's office.

Suddenly I felt my cold and somewhat trembling hands touching the strap of my handbag, I looked at myself like an inexperienced girl and I hated being in that position. I inhale the air as if I lacked it and manage to relax my nerves and fear, with all the strength I can muster I knock on the door, neither too lightly nor too forcefully. I find myself waiting for the stranger, hoping that the happiness of having been given this opportunity will speak for me and hide my insecurities.

I had a feeling that this meeting would not be as easy as it could be. Nothing in my life has ever seemed so simple.