Chapter 5 Broken Family
"When you inherit a broken Family, you can't throw it Away and get a new one What you can do is
Find People and situations That provide for you
What your family cannot" Iyanla Vanzant
The separation of my parents changed our lives in a 90 degree angle where we had to live with criticism, sympathy and pity for us in people's eye. My dad literally became the mother and father for both of us.. he started taking care of us and our needs.
He became the mother who would bathe us, cook for us, be there when we fall and hurt ourselves, and he became our anchor in life. Though he was hurt and broken from inside after what happened between my mum and dad he actually never showed it to us and became strong for us.
I had always heard a story of my parents' great love and how they fought against the family to be with each other and when my grandparents did not agree for their marriage they eloped and got married and how my uncle and aunt's sheltered them.
It was only after a while my parents got accepted from both sides after lots of convincing from my relatives. I also heard that my father got slapped for eloping with my mother. My father loved my mum a lot. He had fulfilled every wish and demand of my mother.
After spending some days with my mom at our maternal grandparents house we came back home to our father where we learned and overheard that it was my mother who asked for a divorce from my father. We were shocked to hear this new information and we also heard them saying how can my mother be so cruel for leaving her children and not agreeing to take
us with her. They were also saying that freedom was more important for her than her children.
Did she even loved us and my dad?
Every information, every news brought tears to our eyes and shattered our little hearts. So many questions started emerging in our mind like was it our fault that she wanted to divorce our father because as far as I remember I never saw my parents fighting.
I only saw how they loved each other and how my father cared and fulfilled her every wish. So what was the reason for the divorce that was a big question! Later that night my dad asked us if my mother said anything to us about her absence and why she is not here with us and we told our dad what conversation we had with our mom.
He questioned us if we knew what divorce was and we answered by nodding and saying two people living separately after marriage. You see me and my brother were really smart plus we used to watch lots of movies. That's how we came to know about the word divorce and the meaning of it but we never knew what we watched in movies we would be experiencing the same as well.
The same night another bomb was dropped that my mother gave full custody of us to my father that she was not willing to take us her with her when we heard this we did not know how to react cause each and every time of that day. We kept hearing new things, thus we understood what my cousin's were saying about " my mother being cruel and not agreeing to take us with her" statement.
We were so crushed, exhausted and tired by crying but still we wept from broken hearts, we wept for our mother, we wept for our broken family. We never understood why my mom decided to leave us cause my father never mistreated her...he was always sweet and loving towards her. My dad loved her so much that he forgave every mistake she made; he accepted her with her flaws and fulfilled her every wish and demand.
I remember my father telling us that when she asked for permission to work he let her work even when she did not need to. He gave her freedom to pursue and fulfill her dreams and be independent. He never stopped or restricted my mother from doing anything. He always dotted her, supported her and became her backbone.
He made her dream true of studying in the USA by agreeing to send her there and pursue her further studies for a year or two. He was always there for her no matter what happened! As far as we know my father was a good man... a loving husband and a loving father so what was the reason for the divorce the same question kept looming in our mind.
It was a big question for us!
We were too small for finding our answer or for anyone to give us a reason. Everybody gave their own theory and lied about the divorce upon asking nobody to tell us the exact reason. I guess at that time being a child somehow had some disadvantages for us.
My father said that my relatives did warn him about giving my mother too much freedom but he never listened to them. Even my dad's friend warned him but he did not care. Oh! I remember there were several occasions of her leaving us alone with our dad... like the time when she left us to go to the USA for further studies.
I cried and begged her not to go and take me with her or the time she left us for 2-3 days to spend time with her friends Or when she decided to send us to boarding school even when my father was against it. I guess she was cruel and stone hearted like my relatives said cause we used to beg her not to leave us alone but she never cared I guess.
When we were together I also remember her being a loving and caring mother who fulfilled our every demand... cooked for us, bathed us, worried for us when we got sick, and dotted us with so much love. That we never thought that one day our mother never wanted us and left us alone to grow with pity, criticism and sympathy.
Was her love for us only a pretense?
I doubt it if she truly loved us she would not leave us Right!
Broken Bond
?Aiyla PoV?
"Once the bond is broken it can't mend like before"....
Neha Maurya
Like the Quotes says " Once the bond is broken it can't be mend like before" It was for me.
The bond that was broken with my family was hard to mend no matter how much you tried, I knew my family was never going to be the same. My parents divorce was a harsh reality that left a deep impact in our life. Our life was never going to be the same again with a broken heart. We knew somehow we had to live a life without our mother.
Though it was so hard to believe and accept the reality at first we were in denial and we kept on trying to bring our mother back but it was useless it was like mum did not want to be with us and we saw that she was happy with her life she was happy by being free and why
wouldn't she be right! There was no responsibility, she was free from family bonds and she was living the life like she wanted to.
I was just six yrs old when my parents got divorced at the tender age of six I had to live a life without my mother. I used to cry for her while sleeping, I used to miss her touch of love and care, I used to miss her so much that my heart used to hurt. I did not know how to live without my mom by my side.
But I was lucky that I had my father and brother who loved me alot they became my anchor, they were there for me when I got sick or hurt and held me whenever I cried. They became my life but still somewhere there was this hollow-ness inside me I felt empty and lonely.
After my mother left us people and my friends in school viewing me in different aspects, my friends used to bully me while other people used to treat me with sympathy, pity and talked behind my back how she left us without even considering our life and future or some people would criticize. I became the girl whose mother did not want her children with her in people's eye.
In the blink of an eye our life changed. We felt like we became an orphan though we used to visit our mother from time to time but it was not the same. Everything had changed without knowing something had already died inside me and that hollow-ness and sadness only grew with time.
What I don't understand is why do people fall in love, fight for eachother get married and have kids when they don't even want to stay committed for the rest of their lives.
If they know that they can't stay in a commitment then they should never have brought children into this world only to make them go through difficulty or make them suffer. They should think about the consequences and impact of their decision or how their wrong decision can destroy their children's lives. It's so easy for parents to get a divorce without even thinking about the outcome.
Might have my dad thought about the outcome but I doubt my mom did..she did not even think about what might happen if she left us. It was so easy for her to break the bond. How can one person be so selfish? Didn't her heart got hurt while leaving us with our father..was her freedom so important than us..how can she be called a mother if she did not even think about us and our future.
Mothers are supposed to be the backbone and anchor for their children and not the person to break them. She was supposed to be the person to keep our bond strong, healthy and happy but instead she became the person who broke our family.
Everyday my heart used to get hurt by seeing my cousin's with their family or by seeing my friends having a loving family who would do anything for them and here I was a child whose mother abandoned her hurting and crying everyday. Each and everyday I died a little more.
So many questions were unanswered...
so many questions came to my mind everyday and night.
Why had she had to abandon us?
I know I will never get the answer even when I grow up.
Even though we talked in the phone everyday and visit her every weekend and stayed with her once in a while but the truth was our bond had already been broken to the extent that I started resenting her cause she was never there for me when I needed her, when I cried if got hurt by someone she was never there for me after the separation.
The only thing she did was showered us with materialistic things or would take us to lunch or dinner once in a while or call us for lunch at her place but what she did not understand is that we did not want materialistic things..
for lunch or dinner, what we needed was our mother to be with us.
What we needed was her unconditional love and support to be a family. She was so lost in her own happy world that she did not even bother to see how her children were suffering inside.
How can life be so unfair!
Is it fair for children to bear pain and suffer because of their parents' mistakes but somewhere I was also glad that I had my grand dad, dad, my brother's love and support. My father especially became the biggest support of my life.
Somehow life has to go on right!
You can't always be unhappy but it was also true no matter who loved me either be it my grand dad or aunt's, uncles, cousin's my brother or father their love and support cannot be compared to a mother's love.
Though I was never alone at home always surrounded by my loved ones but still I was lonely and no one would or can fill that loneliness.
But this was also the only beginning of my suffering and my cursed fate!
Life Goes On��.