CHAPTER 4 Reason
Luna was even more confused but before she could say anything more, he spoke again.
"You don't want to? Did you already change your mind?" he asked, seemingly disappointed.
But the moment he began retracting his hand, Luna took the piece of paper he was holding out to her.
The man smiled in satisfaction before he moved away. Bye-bye, Miss yellow! See you!" he waved and then before she knew it, he disappeared from her sight, leaving her blinking in confusion and curiosity as she stared at the note in her hand.
As she left the city. Luna's mind began to wander.
But she was already twenty-two and still, she never had a boyfriend. She grew up with a peaceful, loving family and she had grown up into a good girl. Some even compared her to untainted snow, well-mannered and pure, but most mocked her, calling her Miss Goody two Shoes or Little Miss Priss.
As she was growing up, Luna had gotten used to other people mocking her but her grandparents always encouraged and advised her to not let the water around her enter her ship, otherwise, she would drown. She had been raised to keep a positive mindset and her side decided that there was no way she would let those kinds of people drown her.
She had a reason for why she had never had a boyfriend in her twenty-two years of existence. When she was seventeen, she realized that she had developed a trauma... she was afraid of having someone fall in love with her.
Luna has witnessed just how much her father suffered day by day, even years after her mothers died. It was unbearable for her to even watch him. Her father loved her mother so much that even after nearly two decades of her death, looking at his photo.
She had seen how painful it was to lose someone you love through her father... it was nothing but torture. She even once had her father saying that he didn't feel alive anymore since that day my mother died. She knew her father was only holding on because of her.
Years after her mother's death, Luna was diagnosed with the same illness that killed her mother. It appeared that she inherited the illness from her and since then, she'd been battling with it. She was only seventeen at that time and she knew that just like her mother, she only had 5 more years to live.
That was why she always rejected the boys who showed any interest in her. There were a few of them but her fear would always be triggered, especially when someone confessed to her. All she could say to them was 'sorry'.
Due to that, Luna avoided boys as much as she could. She even purposely dressed quite fashionably to become less attractive.
However, as years passed by, Luna started to question herself. 'Will I die just like that?
The desires that she had been suppressing all this time were getting out of control. She had been dreaming of wanting an experience of how it would feel like to love someone.
She wanted to know how it would feel to have butterflies in one's stomach, and how it would feel to kiss and embrace that person you loved with all your heart, romantically.
She had read many web novels and she couldn't help but wish she could at least experience this so-called love before she died. That was her only wish... to fall in love, to find someone she could fall in love with.
But she was torn. She was afraid and worried sick. She didn't want to leave someone behind to suffer when she was gone. She didn't want someone to experience the loss and pain her father was going through until now.
For years, she'd been thinking about it and she thought she had already accepted her fate but now that her due date was getting closer, the desires in her heart only kept on going stronger. So she decided to be brave and try her best to make her wishes come true in the little time she had left.
The only way she could think to fulfill her wishes was... to find a man whom she could fall in love with but would never fall in love with. She had heard and read stories about one-sided love. She heard that that kind of love was excruciatingly painful but…she still wanted it.
If this was the only way for her to experience falling in love, she would be willing to throw herself into it. Even if it meant being hurt. She thought that she could handle the pain of loving someone who didn't love her back more, than dying without knowing what love felt like at all.
Perhaps, she was thinking about the quote she once read when she was eighteen that said, it's better to have love and loss than never to have loved at all.
Luna once Anonymously shared her situation online and asked about what to do. Her thread garnered lots of attention and different contradiction reactions occurred.
"Since you don't want someone to fall In love with you, then why don't you go and pick a random bad guy? I mean, there are a lot of jerks and heartless people out there who only know how to break hearts.
Luna was confused about what to do but she stood by her decision because she had strong feelings about it. And she does want to live in a world without achieving her goals.