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Seven

CHAPTER 7

J O E L

At the picture of Katie on the beach with an ice-cream cone in hand, her mouth and eyes wide in exaggeration, I chuckled. My thumb hovered over the like button, but I stopped myself just in time and checked the

post’s date.

Ten months ago.

“Yikes.” Relaxing into my couch, I rubbed my face. I needed to be more careful.

If only Katie knew how often I looked at photos of her, how thoroughly I had stalked her online, how often she was my primary thought.

My assertion that we couldn’t date wouldn’t hold up against all of that information. But that was because Katie didn’t know the full truth.

Every time I got close to a woman, the whole relationship ended in a ball of fire. I was someone who needed time to myself, someone who didn’t reveal a lot. I was a quiet guy, and I liked to keep my business exactly that: my business.

Women didn’t get that. They always pushed for more, and it inevitably felt like they were trying to peel me apart and dissect me, like we were in some sort of biology class.

My phone buzzed, and I picked it up. It was a text from my brother.

“You have time to talk?”

My insides twisted. I thought about it for a minute, then texted him back. “I’m busy right now. Is it important?”

The dots bounced as he texted back. “Just wanted to see how you’re doing.” “I’m good,” I wrote back. “Hope you are.”

I waited to see if he would text back, but there was no response. I breathed a sigh of relief, felt guilty about it, and then told myself my feelings were justified.

Daniel and I were very different people. He had always been the more emotional of us, while I was the stoic one. There was a high chance that if we were to get on the phone, he would want to talk about our dad.

For me, all of that was in the past. We’d buried our father three months earlier. With him went our childhood and all the bull we’d had to endure.

This year was about starting over. About finally being free from all the nonsense.

“Guess I should find something to do,” I muttered to myself.

At least that way I wouldn’t feel too bad about claiming to be busy.

I scrolled through some events online, stopping at a post for a salsa class at a rec center. The event was happening in an hour, and it was only a few blocks from Katie’s daycare.

Because I’d looked her daycare up. Of course I had. I was that out of my mind, apparently.

But it was just a crush. I’d had them plenty of times before, and it wasn’t like I was flirting with danger here. Katie and I were having a good time, and if my feelings became too much to handle, I would simply stop seeing her.

Closing out the post, I called her cell. It was almost six in the evening, which meant that her daycare would be closing soon.

“Hi,” she answered.

The sound of her voice made me warm all over.

“I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time,” I said.

“Oh, no. I’m just cleaning up some vomit. Super glamorous work.” I winced. “You don’t have a janitor for that?”

“We do, but he’s already left for the day. I don’t mind it.”

Of course she didn’t. I was starting to suspect that Katie Rogan was actually a saint.

“I know this is last minute…” I sat forward, suddenly and surprisingly nervous. “But there is a salsa class tonight right next to Lily Pad, and I’m wondering if you would like to go.”

“You’re not tired of me?” I chuckled. “Never.”

Although… I did wonder if perhaps I was pushing the envelope here. We had just spent last night together, and I hadn’t planned on calling her so soon after the game.

But I wanted to see her. An empty evening stretched out ahead of me and, honestly, I couldn’t imagine wanting to spend it with anyone else.

“In that case,” Katie said. “I would love to go.”

“Great. I can pick you up at work. How’s an hour from now?”

“I’ll be ready by then. I don’t really have the right clothes with me, though…”

“It’s a class at a recreation center. I don’t think the expectations are high.” “Well, good, because I have two left feet.”

“And I have two right feet,” I said, “so together we’re perfect.”

We ended the phone call on a laugh, and I went about hopping in the shower and getting dressed. One hour later, I pulled up to Lily Pad on the dot.

The place was adorable, even while sitting in the middle of the block on a busy street. A colorful mural adorned the side of the building, and I could just

make out the play area in the back, past a fence.

Katie must have seen me through a window, because she scurried out the front door and waved. I waved back, unable to stop staring.

She looked so adorable in her sneakers and blue summer dress. Just when I didn’t think she could get any cuter, she always went and did exactly that.

“Hi.” She climbed into the passenger’s seat.

“Hi.” An animalistic desire to grab her and pull her to my lips overtook me, but I held back.

I wasn’t an animal. I was more than my desires. I had the ability to clearly think through my options and their repercussions.

Which is why I kept both hands firmly planted on the wheel. “Have you ever danced salsa before?” She buckled up.

“No, but I’ve always wanted to.” “Me, too.”

“Even with two left feet?”

She shrugged. “Hey, I can’t let that stop me from living my life.”

We arrived at the recreation center and checked in. I had expected for the class to mostly be full of retirees looking to get away from their houses for an evening, but to my surprise people of every age filled the room.

We’d arrived a couple minutes after the start of class, and the teacher was already going through the basic steps.

“Come on.” Katie grabbed my hand, and for a moment the whole world disappeared. All I could comprehend was her smooth touch.

When I came to, we were standing in the middle of the room. The teacher showed us where to place our hands, how to move our feet.

“You said you had two left feet,” I chided.

Katie bit into her smile. “Are you complimenting me?”

“I’m pointing something out. You seem to know what you’re doing.”

“I’m going with the flow. That’s all.” She kept right on dancing, her dress swirling about her legs.

As the steps became more advanced, I focused more on dancing and less on the conversation. Every few minutes or so, though, I would become distracted by Katie once more.

Her touch. Her smell. Her laugh. There wasn’t one part of her that didn’t make me feel lighter.

By the time we took a break, we were both sweating and in good spirits.

“It’s hot in here.” Katie walked closer to an AC vent. Like a devoted puppy, I followed her.

“You’ve really never done this before?” I asked.

“We’re just getting started, Joel. The dances will get a lot harder.”

The news must have made me look panicked, because she placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

“Relax,” she said. “You’re doing great.”

I was too distracted by her touch to answer. Maybe I had made the wrong decision about us. What was tonight, if not a date?

I wanted—needed—so badly to kiss her. It seemed inconceivable that one simple action could cause things to go wrong.

Relationships had never worked out for me in the past, but perhaps this time could be different. Because Katie was different. She was a breath of fresh air, an angel walking among humans. It was difficult to imagine that anything having to do with her could be wrong.

“Whew-ee!” An older woman approached, fanning her neck. “This is a workout.”

“I know, right?” Katie said.

The woman shook her head. “Oh, you’re young. But for me, I’m about to keel over every other song.”

“I’m sure you’re doing great. Your cheeks are all pink. You look like you’re having fun.”

The woman touched her face. “I must look a mess.”

“Nope,” Katie said. “You look like someone who’s enjoying life.”

The woman smiled in pleasure, and my chest swelled with… joy? Satisfaction?

No. With pride.

Katie had a way with people, and I loved seeing her in action.

“Anyway,” the woman said. “No one is looking at me. They’re all watching you two, the handsomest couple out there.”

The woman looked between the two of us, probably sure that the comment had won us over. I stared back at her, my chest constricting. The walls of the rec center had started to blur, and I suddenly felt lightheaded.

There was a loud clapping. “All right, everyone!” the teacher called. “Come back to the floor! We will now learn the Cubanito!”

Katie took a few steps toward the floor, but when she sensed I wasn’t following she turned around. “Everything okay?”

I still felt lightheaded.

The woman’s assumption that Katie and I were a couple had made me feel like I couldn’t breathe. And yet, hadn’t I just been considering the possibility of dating Katie?

I’d been put in my place by a stranger who hadn’t even meant to help. Of course Katie and I couldn’t be together.

I couldn’t be with anyone. That just wasn’t me.

“Joel?” Katie stepped closer, her brow furrowed in concern.

It took nearly all of my strength to simply smile. “I’m fine. Except…” I looked at my wristwatch. “It’s getting pretty late. I have a staff meeting in the morning.”

“Oh. Okay.” She looked disappointed, but she quickly plastered on a happy face. “Well, we can go.”

“That’s for the best.” I turned from her and walked out of the room, perhaps too quickly.

In the parking lot, Katie stepped in front of me. “Is something else going on?”

For the briefest moment, I considered telling her the truth. That the woman’s comment had been reality smacking me in the face.

But then I realized that Katie already knew the truth. I had told her on our second day together that I wasn’t into relationships. What would be the point of reiterating?

“I’m fine,” I said.

Her eyes narrowed, and she studied my face. She didn’t believe me.

Which made me really, really annoyed. How much longer did we have to go through this for?

“I’m fine,” I said once more. “Let’s get you back to your car.”

I didn’t want for her response. I strode to my car and opened the passenger- side door for her. She got in with her shoulders slumped, not making eye contact with me.

Seeing that made me feel sick to my stomach. I had never wanted to hurt her. I only wanted to enjoy her company while living the life I was meant to.

But maybe even that was asking for too much.

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