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Chapter Five - It's harder than I imagined

Ailenna

If I won one euro every time my name was said in the Castle today, I would be the richest woman on Earth.

Everyone talked about how the prince and I danced for more than three songs in a row, holding each other intimately - the rumor's description, not mine. Of course, he danced with my sister after that and they were both all smiles and laughs, but that wasn't as cool as our intimate atmosphere for the gossipers.

I, however, was uncomfortable. The intimacy with which the two spoke showed a relationship that, unlike mine with him, did not begin today. More than that, I was bothered by the jealousy that ate me alive when I saw them dancing. I've never been jealous of anything or anyone. I condemned this feeling several times.

And here I am. Jealous of a man I don't know and who doesn't belong to me.

What I don't understand is why his touch felt so familiar. That voice, in my ear, sounded like home. He's the man who, for the first time, made my skin crawl. As if my body tells me something that I don't know yet. As if, perhaps, the two of us belonged in an unspoken way.

  • Lenna, you're late - Mom says, from the door - Let's go!

I look into her eyes and let my despair speak for me.

  • Mommy - I call her, with a trembling voice - Will you sit here with me?

Niella, incredible mother that she is, doesn't question me or fight about the schedule. She just comes and sits with me, looking at me worriedly. I know my face reflects what I'm feeling.

  • What happened, emerald?

  • I'm... Scared - whispering, confessing the worst - I thought I was ready for this, but I'm not.

  • Did Nikcolai hurt you?

  • No, I would never... - I sigh, releasing the truth - Mom, I thought he would be like everyone else. I would look at him and we would talk, exchange some ideas and have a dance. Then I would go back to bed the same way I left.

  • He messed with something in your head, didn't he?

  • He did - I look into her eyes - It was as if I already knew him... But without actually knowing him. I feel jealous of him with Mari. I... got involved.

Mom comes even closer and kisses my forehead. I close my eyes, taking in her love and affection. When she brings her face closer to mine and I say what, deep down, I already knew, I know that my fate is sealed.

  • You and Nikco have a unique connection. Special. One that people can die without feeling. It scares you and it should scare him too - she sighs and becomes even more serious before continuing - And, Lenna, regardless of any marriage, you should explore this connection. Because denying it is denying a chance of happiness.

I nod, but I don't dare speak. Because if I talk, I'll cry. I take a deep breath and look at the ceiling for a few seconds, composing myself. Mom is right - and I've never been one to shy away from challenges. With my feelings under control, I get out of bed and extend my hand to Mom, who doesn't hesitate to take it.

And then we went down together to the royal buffet.

**

I knew my dress would cause a buzz. The model was from the south of the country, somewhat traditional for summer parties there. It was a way of showing that I was proud of my origins, my mother's origins. While northern women wore their lace, we southerners wore our own fabrics.

The dress was off-the-shoulder with a small sleeve. From the breasts to the waist it was made of Pure Luavynia - a fabric that came from the Luavyn plant, a plant that received the same name in our country because it bears many fruits throughout the year. The myth said that it was the first tree to grow on the island. This fabric was thicker and a little stretchy, which gave it texture while still clinging to the body perfectly. I didn't particularly worry about it falling down or showing my breasts because the fit was snug.

The skirt was made of another fabric, a variation of the Luavynia fabric, much thinner and more delicate, which was treated for months to reach that point. It was a flowing, slightly transparent fabric, ideal for daytime parties. The dress was shorter in the front, at knee length, and longer in the back, reaching the ankle. The print was of white and red flowers with green branches, which covered both fabrics, they were well spaced, leaving much of the light brown background visible.

The dress was perfect. Point.

I invested in heels because, despite the name, the actual picnic was not held on grass. The entire environment was created so that each woman could parade in high heels. I placed two emerald bracelets on my left arm, each one a finger wide. They were unique pieces, with the smooth stone surrounding my skin as if it had grown there.

My hair is in a neat braid and my makeup is neutral, with a slightly reddish lipstick. Once again, mom abused the simplicity of my appearance, in a style that very much defined who I really was.

I was beautiful and happy with my appearance. And that would attract looks.

In fact, that's what happened. The King praised my outfit, the Queen just smile and look way. The woman has obvious concern for my sister - and I don't take it personally. She doesn't have to like me, as long as she don't disrespect me, which she has never done. However, the only look that was worth it was his.

Nikcolai was talking to my father, Mari and her mother, Roseanne. Mari was glued to his arm and my father was smiling at them both. My mother took us there directly. I know mom and dad fought because yesterday he didn't dance with me at the ball, even though he danced twice with Mari. I told her I don't care, but looking at the scene now, I realize that yes, I do.

Had my father chosen a side after all?

I didn't have much time to think about it, because Nikco looked at me. And as soon as his eyes find me, they glowed brightly. My body came to life and I couldn't help but smile. A smile he returned. We held our gazes until I was close enough for him to take my hand and place a kiss there.

  • Lenna - he whispers, talking as if we both existed there.

  • Nikco - I say, taking a small measurement - How are you?

He pauses, then smiles.

  • I believe I can breathe again. And you?

  • I feel the same - I confess, still with my hand in his.

Of course, Roseanne ruined the moment.

  • Sorah Ailenna, what a lack of decorum! Greet your father, me and your sister.

I take a deep breath and start to remove my hand from Nikco's to greet my family. Nikco squeezes my hand in his, stopping me from moving away.

  • As your Prince, I order you not to let go of my hand, Lenna - Nico says, in a loud voice, making Roseanne silent - She can greet you later.

  • It's okay, I'm not going to run away - I assure you, not letting his hand go.

  • That's good - he smiles - Because today we will have southern cake. Your favorite.

I smile back, genuinely happy that he remembered. Happy to realize that the connection I felt the day before touching him still exists today. It wasn't somethig that I created in my head. Of course, I didn't have time to delight in this moment too much.

  • My prince - my mother bows, finally greeting everyone - Hello, Mari. Roseanne. Husband.

  • Sorah Niella - the prince greets - It's always a pleasure to see you.

  • The pleasure is mine, Your Highness - mom smiles - You look beautiful with your long hair. It makes you look older, more serious.

  • Well, I'm a man walking towards the throne - Nico replies and shrugs.

  • Anything suits Nikcolas - Roseanne says and I stop myself from vomiting just hearing her voice - Our prince is a handsome young man.

  • Don't praise him so much, mom - Mari says, laughing and hugging Nicko's other arm - He told me that praise makes him uncomfortable.

  • A very sensible prince - praises Dad, smiling at Mari.

I look at my father, but he doesn't return my gaze. My eyes burn with sudden tears and I find myself having to blink them away. Damn it. I don't make a good job pretending, because Nikco notices, and his next words present the escape I need.

  • Lenna, will you accompany me to my father? There's something we both want to discuss with you.

  • Of course - I force a smile and ignore Mom's worried look.

We go arm in arm away from my distraught family. I need to talk to Mari as soon as possible - we're not best friends, but since we were little we vowed to maintain a friendship beyond competition. This went against what her mother wanted and what everyone expected of us, but we knew better than to hate each other. And Mari would know why Dad is treating me this way.

Nikco takes the long way to the King. I squeeze his arm in thanks.

  • You seem to know me more than you think - I murmur - How did you know I needed to leave?

  • Your eyes - he looks at me - You always made it clear what you felt in your eyes, Lenna. And for five seconds, back there, I saw the same little girl I saw growing up trying to impress her father.

  • I gave up trying to impress him a long time ago - I say, avoiding his gaze.

  • But you still suffer from not having him by your side.

  • I do - I shrug - it's uncontrollable. I wanted him to look me in the eye and tell me what was wrong.

  • Maybe it's time for you to force him to talk.

  • Maybe you are right.

My voice was so weak that I couldn't believe what I said. And I'm sure Nikco didn't believe me either.

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