Chapter 2
Her voice got softer as she spoke the last parts but I heard them as loud as day.
They rang in my head over and over again unable to stop repeating itself.
She is useless.
Stupid
She isn’t worthy of love.
Bastard child.
I wish I had the option of aborting such a mistake....
The thing was, I could feel the hurt with each word she spoke. I knew she meant every single thing.
I walked away from the door. And ran up to my room. There was no need to take much from here. It’s not like I had many things to pack in the first place. With tears flowing down my eyes, I walked back down and proceeded to leave quietly. Or at least that was what I planned would have happened.
My mum came out of her room and came face to face with me. She looked calm, more composed. You wouldn’t have known that there had been a screaming contest few moments ago.
“You’re still here, you should go if you want to get a decent job on time” she said with a cracked voice.
I looked at her and all the questions I’ve always wanted to ask stood at the tip of my lips.
“why” I asked looking at her. I wanted to hate her for the way she treated me. I wanted to shout. I wanted to feel disgust for the way she treated me through the years but instead, all I wanted was for her to love me, treat me as one of her own and care about me even though it was a little.
“Why what? You are old enough to live on your own” she scoffed like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Why do you hate me so much. I thought that was just how you were. You never smiled. You never laughed. Then Grace came along. Do you know how it felt? Do you know it made me feel begging you for attention just for you to give it to her so effortlessly?” my voice broke a little but I was trying my possible best to keep the tears in. There was no way I was going to give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry. She had seen that too many times.
“what was so special about her. What was so different that made her love her more”
“she is my daughter” was all she said looking a little shaken. Dad had not come out yet, so my bet was he had already left the house. We were alone.
“so am I!!!” I screamed, unable to keep it in anymore. “you had me first. You should have loved me first. You never even looked my way twice any time I scrapped my knee! You never sang me good night songs!! You beat me every chance you got and yet you never raised your voice at her!!!” the tears were flowing freely at this point and I was trying to not be a sobbing mess.
“So what was so special!” I moved towards her and she flinched.
It stung. Seeing your mother treat you like that was, for lack of better words humbling.
“don’t come any closer to me” she said entering panic mode.
“Why?” I tried to move closer to her but her attack got worse. “It’s no use, you’ll never care.” I said looking at her and walking out of the house.
**
I walked around the city looking for any job i could do. For some reason, they looked at me as not fit for the job by 4:00pm, I was tired and just ready to lay down in the gutters.
That was my level of frustration at this point.
I walked into a cafe, given that it was mid-day, it was shop was not that busy.
“Hey, how can I help you” the woman over the counter said with a work smile.
“hi, I’m looking for a job. And I don’t-“
“We’re closed” someone snapped. I looked around to see who it was. It was a guy scowling.
He looked nice, brown hair and brown with almost black eyes. He looked nice and had a deep voice. If not for the scowling and the long day I had, I would have drooled at how handsome he looked.
“What! Never seen a person in a wheel chair before?” he looked even more irritated now.
“I’m sorry I just...” I kept quiet because I was prone to saying stupid stuff when I was put on the spot.
“We are not hiring. If you aren’t buying anything them get out” he said and wheeled into the office.
I tried to keep my tiredness and annoyance to myself as I walked out the café.
“Hey!” the woman from earlier called, causing me to stop and look in her direction
“I am so sorry about earlier. We actually looking to hire. Please come tomorrow as early as 6:00am if you wouldn’t mind and don’t be late!”
I smiled. The relief felt immaculate! I finally got a job. I wiped the tears that rolled down my eyes. Things were looking up. ...
**
As early as 5 the next day, I was already in, ready to work. I had my bath in a gym shower down the street and i had slept at a shed close by.
I stood outside, waiting for the kind lady of yesterday to open the door or something since the door was locked.
“Are you waiting for someone?” it was the guy from yesterday, he looked like he just had his bath from the wet look he had.
“oh, no. I was just waiting for someone.” I said feeling stupid since I did not bother to check if the door was still open.
He went inside and I followed closely behind him. I was hit with the scent of the pastries. My stomach rumbled, I prayed that he did not hear that.
Here is your apron and hair net. You get three snacks from there for your lunch break. What’s your name” he looked like he could be unbothered with what my name was.
“Allison” he nodded, wheeling himself away
“Your ID would be ready by the afternoon. You should drop your bag there” he pointed to a locker, “it’ll be safe there.”
After receiving all the necessary instructions I went about my work. It wasn’t something I hadn’t done before.
The morning rush was over and I got to rest.
I sat in the corner till a couple came in and too their seat.
“Good morning, what can I get you?” i said using the best smile. They placed their orders or at least the man did while the woman gave me dirty looks throughout.
I got their orders as soon as I could and rushed out.
I wasn’t looking where I was going. One moment I was carrying a cup of hot tea and biscuits and the next moment I was on the floor, the cup broken and some of the tea pouring on the dress on the woman who had ordered something.
“eeekkkkk” she screamed looking at me with a murderous look.
“I am so sorry ma’am. It was an accident, here, let me...” i took the napkin and tried to dab her clothes to clean up the already drenched dress.
“Are you out of your mind!” She said shoving me back with such a force that I landed on the broken pieces.
“What’s going on?” the guy on the wheel chair said coming out of his office. It seemed as though he was the manager of the place.
“this stupid girl.... My dress!” she looked like she was ready to rip me open. “do you know how much this cost!” her voice went higher with each word.
“Not as much” he said in a bored tone. He looked annoyed.
It was good to see that he was not like this to only me.
“excuse me?” she looked shocked, like she expected him to take her side.
“It was an accident, clearly. She didn’t mean to hurt you and given how you are only bothered by the dress, there wasn’t any serious damage done. We’ll pay for the damages done to the dress.”
“that’s all? What about-“
“Be grateful I am not pressing charges for bodily harm” he said in a voice that said that it was final. She would be wise not to argue any further.
“come with me” he said looking at me and going back into his office.
“sit” he said once I entered into the office.
“I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to, I just tripped.” I was scared. I couldn’t loose this job. I needed the Money.
“be more careful next time. You could have gotten more injured than you are now.” It sounded like he cared.
I felt something warm in my chest, but I chose to ignore it.
“Thank you.” He tool my hands and raised my sleeves up. He froze for a minute then proceeded like he had not seen the most awful scars.
He picked the broken scars as carefully as he could.
The last time I had someone be this gentle with me was in the E.R and that was because it was part of their work to be Gentle.
He had no reason to be, he had no reason to help me. I felt that warm feeling in my chest again, coupled with an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach.
“I never got your name” I said trying to fill up the awkward silence that filled up the room
“I never told you” just like that I didn’t want to talk anymore.
“You should take the day off. You can barely do much. As it is.”
I nodded. I didn’t know where I was going to go. The shed only opened from 6pm. I had hours to go.
“ thank you, but I think I can manage” don’t be stubborn. He said rolling his eyes as he took a book and read.