Fighting Desire

R.H.M.

Before I could ask her what she meant, she began to pull her clothes off. She did it so fast that I didn’t have a chance to ask her if this was what she really wanted to do. When she straightened back up with her long skirt clutched in her hands along with the rest of her clothing, she held them against her stomach, effectively shielding both her breasts and vagina. My eyes traveled slowly down her body, growing more furious with each inch of healing, bruised skin that I saw. On the way back up, I noted the overly thin appearance of her body. Whoever had beat her—my bet was on William—had been extremely careful not to bruise any of the skin that could be exposed by her clothes.

“R.H.M., you’re staring,” she whispered, and my eyes flew to hers.

“I’m sorry, Princess.”

And I was, but more than she knew. No man should ever put their hands on a woman, especially one that appeared to be as fragile as Leah was. I wanted to hunt the bastard down. I wanted to hurt him like he had hurt her, and it shocked me. I was not usually the violent type, but for this woman, I had a feeling I would be. I had been intrigued by her from the moment I tapped on her window.

She seemed so different from all of the other women who had come through this community. I had spent the last three days watching her sleep. We only allowed one new member in at a time, so I could keep a close eye on them. Before her, the last new member was admitted a month beforehand and was already on her last level. She would be departing very soon.

“You’re doing it again,” she informed me timidly.

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts, but it was hard. Not only was I furious about how thin and frail she looked, but I was also struck by her ravishing beauty. Her light brown eyes looked almost like honey in the sunlight, and her similarly colored hair looked soft, making me want to bury my fingers in it. No other female has had that effect on me in years. Not since… I shook my head again as I turned away. I wasn’t going down that road. It ended poorly for me. Every. Single. Fucking. Time.

“Come on,” I snapped as I hurried towards the Adams’s house. I needed to get over this pull that I felt toward her. In my peripheral vision, I could see her walking shyly by my side with her head down. I sighed before turning toward her.

“May I ask you something?”

“Sure,” she responded with her eyes still on the ground.

“Why don’t you like your body? You are beautiful.”

Her face turned red. “My father always told me that a woman’s body was not supposed to be enjoyed. It was only created to serve a purpose. I was only good enough to serve my husband. Only good enough to bear his children. It didn’t matter if I enjoyed it or not. He told me that, in fact, I was not supposed to enjoy it. If I did enjoy it, then it meant that I was a harlot and that I would then burn in Hell. My mother would weigh me weekly and make me stand naked in front of the mirror in my room. She would circle all the imperfections on my body and tell me that no man would ever want a wife like me. She would say that I had to fix myself, and the things that I couldn’t fix, I had to distract from with my ‘skills.’”

I ran my eyes down her body again, looking for any of the said imperfections that could have possibly been pointed out to her.

“I have no clue what she could have said were imperfections, Princess. All I see is a gorgeous woman standing in front of me exactly as God intended her to be.”

She lowered her clothes to reveal her breasts. “My right nipple is bigger and off-centered from my left,” she told me softly, and I could hear her embarrassment in her trembling voice.

I studied her nipples for a moment, trying desperately to keep my thoughts from going to wanting to feel them in both my hands and my mouth.

“Your breasts look perfectly fine to me.”

“I have a birthmark on my vagina,” she blurted.

My eyes snapped back to hers. That was the last thing I needed to know right at that moment. I was already wanting to lay her out in front of me and spend hours learning and teaching her about her body. I wanted to show her just how much she could enjoy being touched, but I knew she wasn’t ready. It also wasn’t something that I was allowed to do, and right at that moment, I hated that fact the most.

“I wouldn’t worry too much about that, Princess. If you have somebody between your legs, they aren’t going to stop because you have a birthmark there,” I said.

She shook her head. “You only say that because you haven’t seen it…”

I almost groaned with the desire to ask her to show me. I wanted to see every part of her, especially the parts that she hated, so I could make her love those parts instead. I jammed my hands in my pockets to keep from touching her. At first, I thought her shyness and innocence were just acts, but I quickly discovered that they weren’t. I wasn’t a creeper or someone to push a woman into doing something that she didn’t want to do, but I was seriously considering groveling on my knees in front of her for just an hour of her time. I wanted to make her feel about me what I felt for her and watch it grow. I started walking towards her house again, leaving her to scramble after me in an attempt to keep up with me.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Princess.” I told her.

“But I upset you.” She countered.

I walked up onto the porch to hold the door open for her. When she hesitantly walked through it, I followed her, glancing down the back of her body. I shut the door behind us before spinning her around, sending the clothes flying out of her arms. I put her against the wall behind her with my hands splayed out on the wall beside her head as I leaned my face down to hers.

“Trust me, Leah, the only thing that I’m upset about is that you were abused. I want to hunt that bastard down and beat him to within an inch of his life. I’m upset that, through all of what you have had to endure, you still have enough of your spirit to want to get away. I’m upset that your husband has no fucking clue what he is in the process of losing.” I gripped her chin in my hand, forcing it up so I could look into her eyes. “I’m upset that you have no idea how perfect you truly are, and I’m even more upset that I want to be the one to show you that you are.”

“R.H.M….” She murmured shyly as she placed her hand on my chest, leaning towards me a little. “I’m so sad that I’m leaving. I would have loved to get to know you more.”

I didn’t move as her lips melded to mine in a tentative kiss. I knew I should have pulled away, but I couldn’t. It was the first and only improper touch I would allow myself to share with her. When her mouth opened on a gasp, I pulled away to cup her face while I rested my forehead against hers.

“R.H.M., please hand Leah the box. I have decided to let her stay.” Mister’s robotic voice came through the walkie-talkie on my belt.

Her eyes widened before she pecked my lips again. “I get to stay?”

I closed my eyes as emotions overwhelmed me. “Yes.”

I wasn’t sure why I was so emotional over the message. I knew it was coming. Every candidate was told they weren’t accepted. It was a test to see if they were truly ready to be here. Some failed, and those were really sent home after a good night’s rest, while the rest went through the program only to be sent out into the world to lead happy lives. I hated lying to her, but I needed to see her true colors. I needed her to show me that my infatuation was misplaced on her, but all this time had done was show me that she could be the one that I had been searching for. And looking down into her eyes now, I knew that I was going to explore my feelings with her and pray that this wasn’t a mistake. Not again. Not like… I took a deep breath before pulling away from her.

“This is your vitals monitor,” I told her as I pulled the device out of the box I pocketed at my office. “You must keep this on at all times.”

“Even in the shower?”

“Even in the shower. It’s waterproof.”

I took a step back, and she reached out to put her fingers lightly on my forearm.

“Tell Mister, I said thank you.” She wrapped her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly. “And thank you as well, R.H.M..”

I hugged her back, unable to say what I really wanted to say. If I told her she wouldn’t be thanking me if she knew just how deep my impure thoughts about her went, she would be terrified. I pulled back from her, nodded at her, and walked out of the house. I had to put space between us. I was losing my control being around her, and that was the last thing that I needed to happen. I wanted her. I was going to lose her. I glanced back at the house. At the end of her journey, I would tell her when she was capable of making that kind of decision. I just prayed that it would be me and not one of the other men or women here. I couldn’t go through that. Not again. Last time, it almost broke me. This time, with her, I had a feeling that it would completely destroy me. And that is something I would never be ready for.