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4. Steven - My life is a mess I

Rin finishes his food and washes the plate before pulling a piece of wood and a whittling knife out of his pocket. He’s been working on a carved bird for a few days. Watching him makes me forget about the night I lost Isak, my twin, and Gavin, my childhood friend.

Isak was more than my twin. He has always been my blood-brother, rock, best friend, and biggest supporter. He believed in me when I was too weak to do so. Isak and I entered this world together, but the Dukes took him and Gavin away from me.

I thought I could rely on Mads, my last blood-brother, but he blamed me for what happened on Jasper’s farm. Two months ago, during a heated argument, I snapped and asked Mads where he was when Senator Deymar was butchering Isak and Gavin. Mads didn’t take it too well, and he left in the middle of the night, and I haven’t seen him since then. I know I shouldn’t have said that since it’s not Mad’s fault, but I don’t know where to look for him to make things right. He changed his phone number and deactivated all his socials. Since there’s no link between our demons anymore, and we are no longer blood-brothers, he’s free to do as he wants, but I feel awful for how our friendship ended.

The first few weeks after Mads left were rough. I hated being alone in our apartment. I would have gone crazy without Rin, who understands my pain better than anyone else.

We were working on a plan to capture Senator Deymar and his son when we learned about his death. It had been all over the news, especially when another senator was involved in the death of Senator Deymar. In reality, Jasper and his blood-brothers were behind it.

I hate that I lost the opportunity to avenge the loss of my blood-brothers. At least Jason Deymar is still out there. He has his days numbered. I’m only waiting for Cirro to give me the information I asked for months ago to go after Jason and slowly kill him.

“Levi liked birds,” Rin randomly says.

He always brings up Levi, especially when he’s carving, while I prefer to keep quiet about Isak and Gavin.

“If you ask me, birds are the devil’s spawn who like to cover everything in shit,” I huff.

Rin narrows his eyes as he works on one of the wings. “Told you that if you angered a crow, she would make your life a living hell.”

How come I’m at fault that the damn bird couldn’t get out of my way while I was doing yard work, and I accidentally kicked it. The damn crow should not have collided with my boot in the first place.

“My life is already a living hell,” I mumble, “but the birds could at least leave my pickup truck alone. I hate having to wash it everyday.”

Without missing a heartbeat, Rin says, “Just don’t park it next to my car. I don’t want the birds to think we are friends and shit on my car as well.”

I look at Rin for a few seconds. “I thought we were friends.”

With Rin, I can never tell when he’s serious or not. His eyes are always empty; it’s like he lacks emotions. Even Reyes, who many think is a psychopath, feels something. But with Rin, it’s like…he’s dead inside. He’s been like this since Levi died. I understand Rin better than he thinks because I barely exist myself.

In a way, I’m just as emotionless as Rin. Losing Gavin and Isak was like being shot in the chest with a rifle, but instead of dying, I’ve been living with a gaping wound since then. The first weeks were pure agony, but I had to put my feelings aside so I could comfort my mom and Gavin’s family in these difficult times.

I don’t remember when the pain stopped. The wound is still there, and my chest is still bleeding, but at least it doesn’t feel like pure agony each time I take a breath.

“Just because I feed you and keep you around doesn’t mean I see you as a friend,” Rin retorts.

In normal circumstances, his words would have hurt my feelings, but right now, I don’t give a shit. Yet, I still ask, “If you don’t see me as a friend, then what am I to you?”

A grin appears on his face, making him resemble an evil clown. I hate clowns more than I hate birds, but at least clowns don’t shit on my car.

“A pet,” replies Rin.

I don’t bother to stop the snort of indignation from escaping me. “If I’m a pet, shouldn't you give me better food?”

Rin’s gaze turns dark. “Picky eaters don’t get to eat. They are sent to the root cellar.”

What root cellar? I don’t remember Rin having one.

This is the first time Rin has said such random bullshit, and I don’t know what to make of it, so I choose to ignore it.

Silence falls around the kitchen.

Rin focuses on his carving.

I wait for a minute or two while I toy with the food on my plate because today is one of those days when everything tastes like ashes. I talk again, this time about a topic that has intrigued me for some time.

“About Yan’s girlfriend—”

Rin interrupts me before I can finish. “She’s not his girlfriend.”

My brows draw together. “Then who is she?”

“Another mouth to feed,” Rin sneers.

Rin has always been strange when it comes to food.

“You don’t seem to like her very much,” I observe.

Rin finally looks at me. “She’s of no importance to me, but she’s the only thing keeping Yan together.”

And Yan is the only person preventing Rin from falling apart.

My blood-brothers and I moved to Veross City about a year and a half ago, but it didn’t take long to hear about what good friends Rin and Yan were apart from being second cousins. Yan was thought to be dead for many years, and when he came back in December, it came as a shock to many.

“And what does Cirro think of this woman?” I make a last effort to get Rin to open up, even a little bit.

Rin shrugs. “Cirro spends most of his time locked in his room with his cats.”

When I first met Cirro, he didn’t strike me as the type of person who likes to be around other people. On the rare occasions I see him, he always has his nose buried in his tablet, phone, or laptop. I never understood what’s so good about living your life online.

It’s more than clear that Rin won’t reveal anything about Yan’s mystery woman. I don’t know why I care since nothing matters anymore.

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