Chapter 1- The unknown inside me

Ludwika picks up the news and flips through the newspaper. The front pages report the fierce fighting between Asia and Eastern Europe, and the art section in the culture section comes like a fresh breeze to caress the lenses through which war is viewed, flashing peace in every blink between the pages of art, tourism and the science and robotics section. Ludwika turns her gaze to the war section just before entering the culture, art and dance section and then she can see a frost, like a light shine between the letters that title “Ljubljana is filled with art with the Sánchez Rugeles Ballet” that is how it looks, she thinks, art like a light layer of makeup and shine, an irresistible seduction that hides the pain of the past and the collateral damage left by war and politics. She likes to think of herself as a dancer who heals hearts and moves people with her art, but more than a healer, being a dancer in a continent at war, dance makes her a kind of professional makeup artist in a society that turns its gaze or closes the page in the World and Politics section, and there she is, on the front page. Or so she imagines herself in the future, being on the front page as the face and image of the Dragon Ballet, Odette or any great ballet choreographed by an incredible choreographer and cast.

She sighs deeply and traces the edge of her lips with the tip of her tongue, then leaves the newspaper on the edge of her seat and stretches her feet in the air, while her calves remain stretched towards the ceiling and she lies face up, on her back. She feels her shoulder blades caressing the yoga mat. An immense desire to read a book by William Faulkner takes over her, but she also feels like masturbating and making love to her boyfriend and dancer, Everth.

Everth walks through the door of her house. She jumps and sits up, picking up her feet. She looks at Everth through her bright hazel eyes, her long, silky blonde hair falling over the edge of her face, highlighting her chin and full lips as she looks enigmatically at Everth.

He looks at her with a wild glint in his eyes as if he could guess the sexual ritual Ludwika was about to undertake.

- I forgot that you have keys now – she says in a small voice

- Honey, we've been living together for several months now.

- I know, but I've spent my whole life living alone, I can't get used to the idea that someone can suddenly come in and surprise me – she explains, brushing her hair behind her shoulders.

- Excuse me, did I interrupt you?

- No, in fact I think your presence at this moment will be of great help. Everth approaches me and sweetly kisses my neck, he sits in front of the Yoga Mat and begins to envelop me with his caresses until I give in to his lips, he is wearing a shirt of the Leones del Caracas, a baseball team that he likes a lot, I take off his shirt while his hands go up my back. With Everth each intimate encounter is like building a dance piece, as we are both dancers the rhythms of the body and flexibility are part of our encounters and postures. The answering machine rings in the middle of the second orgasm.

It's Jorge, he is announcing that there is a meeting after the Yoga and Fitness class, apparently the Dance Company has an important meeting.

“I feel so beautiful when I dance, so free and bright, like a bird that soars through any cloud and as it passes through it my body is transfigured into the essence of the clouds, I mold my soul to whatever appearance the clouds take, a blue heart, beating on the sky blue carpet, a bird with its wings spread out with its beak facing south and its eyes fixed on its destiny, an elephant with its trunk full of fluffy white flowers that move with the wind. When I dance I leave my human form in the muscles and bones that direct my dance and my soul is led through the most subtle paths, full of beauty to eternity.

When I dance.”

I finished writing in my diary and a burning sensation ran through my lips, outlining a smile, while my chest filled with absolute warmth.

That night I decided to go out for a drink, as I write this I am in a state of ecstasy so similar to the fullness I feel after a long day of rehearsal working on a ballet recital.

I was dressed in my pastel pink suede boots, a black dress, elegant and chic that made the muscles of my legs stand out, covered by my pastel pink pantyhose.

In the bar a tango song was playing, and for my enjoyment, a couple of dancers were performing the most exquisite and elegant pieces. The dancer was tall and her dark face had a special beauty, her face had little makeup and her eyes were small and dull but looked with seductive intensity, her dance partner had a long beard and his steps were light and sure. I ask the bartender to serve me a vodka on the rocks with lemon, and I sketch a smile.

- I like tango, it reminds me of the time in my life when I lived in Argentina- says the voice of a man who sits next to me, in front of the bar.

- Yes, tango is delicious and when you dance it you lighten all your worries- he affirmed, more to myself, comparing dancing tango with ballet or Contemporary Dance.

- Do I know you from somewhere?- the man asks me, then I turn to examine him closely and to my surprise it is not a man. It is a woman, with Asian features, she has little bust and a defined and muscular back and breasts, her shoulders are square and her jaw and forehead give her an androgynous and manly appearance, her complexion is perfect and her lips are pink and thin.

- I don't think so, I am a creature of the Opera, perhaps you have seen me dance the ballet of Odette or The Nutcracker if you enjoy going to the theater- I tell her staring at her. At that moment the bartender offers me my drink, a vodka on the rocks.

- Ballet- she tells me – Yes, that must be it, I have always thought that all ballet dancers have a similar beauty.

- Oh, I see… thanks – I murmur and to my surprise I feel my cheeks flushed.

- And how has your day been? Are you working on any projects at the moment?

- Yes, I am a prima ballerina of my company, it has been an intense day, with a lot of studying and rehearsals. We had a meeting with a new teacher, a very important rehearsal, but it was cancelled. So I decided to come and have a drink.

- A prima ballerina? – She says and raises an eyebrow. Then I watch as she finishes her shot of whiskey, while my vodka on the rocks.

- I'm going up to my hotel room, it's been a long day and tomorrow I start a new job here in New York.

- But I could have company tonight if you want, we can talk, philosophize or if you want you can teach me your dance moves - She told me with a wild gleam in her eyes, each word was said in a calm and seductive tone of voice, I felt a strong desire to follow her to the room and get to know her more, but Everth's face came to my mind like a blinding light and filled me with guilt.

- Thank you very much, tomorrow I work early at my Company - I excused myself with a slight blush on my cheeks.

- I thought so - She answered, she left a 20 euro bill on the table and took her black Louis Vuitton bag, I watched her leave, she was elegant and tall.

I finished my Vodka on the rocks in silence and returned home, that night Everth was sleeping and I fell asleep as soon as I lay down in bed, thinking about that stranger at the bar.