CHAPTER 7

Jordan's POV

I stand in the hallway frozen in place, my mind in shambles. The soft murmur of Kaelen’s voice as he says something to Elise echoes in my ears, followed by Elise's giggle. I don’t hear the words, but I don’t need to. The shock of what I just learned is enough to send my world spinning out of control.

Kaelen is engaged to Elise.

The words crash against my mind like water waves slamming against rocks. I feel dizzy, my breath catching in my throat as my chest tightens painfully. I want to scream, to shout, to demand some kind of explanation but I can’t. I can’t do anything because the one person who could offer an explanation is the same person who just shattered every illusion I had.

I never saw this coming. Sure, I knew Kaelen wasn't someone to trust. His aloofness and cold demeanor towards me should have been reason enough to avoid getting entangled with him at all costs, but I let our moment just a few minutes ago blind-side me. I foolishly convinced myself that it might be real. That kiss— that stupid and reckless kiss that I had let myself believe meant something more than it did.

I hate myself for letting it happen, for allowing my feelings to get tangled up in his mess. For thinking that maybe, just maybe, there was something more to him than the prickly, self-absorbed character he parades around. I had wanted so badly to believe he could be a good person underneath all the hostility, but now I see how wrong I was.

I should have known. I shouldn't have ignored the signs. There is no way someone like him changes all of a sudden. But no. I let myself believe the lie. I allowed myself to hope for something that was never there.

The memory of his threat just before he walked inside after Elise makes my stomach twist violently. I can still hear his voice in my head, cold and menacing, and it sends a shiver down my spine. He had no care about threatening me, no hesitation about throwing me aside as if I were nothing more than a fleeting mistake in his life.

My eyes sting as tears spring up threatening to fall. I take a shaky breath and push myself to get past the feeling. A bitter taste of humiliation rises in my throat. I can’t face him. Not while I feel like everything inside me is crushing down on me, suffocating me, and the thought of being around them makes me weak. I can't be here.

I turn and head out without thinking. I’m not sure where I’m going, but I end up in the cafeteria, the one place that feels like a refuge. It is deserted since it is way past business hours. Thankfully, I have a key. Before getting a spot in the dorms, I sometimes spent the night here when I was too tired to cycle home. For now, it will be my safe haven.

By the time I manage to get inside, my chest is heavy with undescribable pain, my face a drenched mess of tears. I can’t control it. The tears just come, and I let them fall freely. I wipe them away, but they just keep coming. I sink into one of the chairs in the back as a sob tears through me.

I don't get it. How can something hurt so much when it is almost nonexistent. I'm not sure if it's more about Kaelen's reaction or if it is my self- loathing. I just want to forget about it but the more I try, the more it sticks in my head.

I'm not sure how long I remain in that state or how I fall asleep. Karl finds me in the same position as he opens for the day the following morning.

"Jordan!" he exclaims in surprise. "Did you spend the night here?"

I sit up quickly and rub my eyes open. My face feels dry and a dull ache in my eyes is a reminder of the horrible state I was in yesterday.

"It was raining... I fell asleep," I lie but his face is proof enough that he doesn't believe me.

"Are you okay kid?" he asks softly, standing in front of me with a frown.

His fatherly concern strikes an emotion inside me but I remind myself that he is my boss. I can’t answer him, not without breaking down so, I nod firmly, biting back the sob that threaten to overwhelm me.

"Yeah, just a little tired."

Thankfully, he doesn’t press me. He simply sighs and pats me on the shoulder.

"Go get ready for work. The morning crowd is almost here."

"Yes boss!"

I pull myself together as best as I can, but every step I take toward the dorm room feels like a betrayal to myself. What am I even walking back to? The sight of Kaelen and Elise together, their laughter echoing in my mind, is enough to make me feel sick but I know can’t avoid them forever.

I open the door and pause as my eyes land on them. They are still asleep, tangled in the same sheets. It’s not the physical closeness between them that stabs at me though. It is the way their bodies fit together so naturally, so effortlessly, like they belong to each other in a way that I could never even come close to.

My heart aches. Part of me wants to slam the door and interrupt their perfect little world but I think against it. I'm jealous but I shouldn't let it consume me.

I shouldn’t be feeling this way either. I should force myself not to care. Kaelen has already made it clear that he is not interested in me. That kiss didn’t mean a damn thing to him. Why am I letting it haunt me so much?

I curse under my breath and swear to myself to get out of my head. After few minutes of getting ready, I head to work promising myself that I'm not going to let them ruin my day.

Later in the day as I serve lunch, Kaelen and Elise show up. They sit at a table not too far away, laughing and talking, oblivious to how much their happiness is tearing me apart inside.

It’s not just the way they look at each other that hurts. It’s the way they are with each other. The way Elise smiles at Kaelen, as if he’s the center of her world. She touches him casually, brushing her hand against his arm, leaning in to whisper something in his ear.

I watch it all from behind the counter, serving food and pretending to be busy. I notice the way Kaelen pulls away from her touch. His discomfort is so obvious but he tries to hide it behind a forced smile. His gaze flicks to me once and for a moment, I swear there is something unspoken between us. A question, a confusion, maybe even some kind of longing. I look away quickly, my heart taking off.

No! I can't think like that. I'll only hurt myself more. The action however refuses to budge from my head.

I don’t understand why Kaelen is so determined to deny whatever it is he feels. It’s right there in the way his eyes linger on me, in the way he reacts to my presence but he hides it— buries it, like it’s some kind of shameful secret.

I want to shout at him and demand answers. I want to know why he can’t just admit the truth but I know better than to ask. Whatever this is—whatever I thought we could have is over. I’m not going to let myself fall into this trap again. Kaelen’s life is a mess and I shouldn't be trying to untangle it.

Yet, as I watch him struggle to hide his discomfort from Elise, I can’t help but wonder— what if? What if it meant something to him as well? What if he is just... afraid?

That look... that longing look in his eyes whenever our gazes meet... I'm not imagining it. He wants me as much as I want him.