Chapter 2: Something new
Alice was passed out on the couch, her cheek squished against a pillow, a thin line of drool glistening under the dim light. Her snores, soft but persistent, filled the room like a strange lullaby. I sat on the floor with my legs crossed, staring at the scattered tarot cards and the empty wine bottles we hadn’t bothered to clear away. My head buzzed—not from the wine, but from the storm of thoughts that refused to quiet down.
The heartbreak was still there, raw and stinging, like a fresh bruise I couldn’t stop poking. I tried not to think about it, but my mind kept circling back to that moment with Diana.
Diana.
The queen of my personal hell. For three years, she had ruled the school’s social hierarchy, her posse of mean girls flanking her like knights of cruelty. She was always watching, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. It wasn’t enough for her to humiliate me at every turn; she had to make sure I felt small, like I didn’t belong. And now she’d delivered the final blow.
It had happened in the hallway, just a few weeks ago. I’d been walking to class, headphones on, trying to block out the world. But Diana had stopped me, her fake-sweet smile making my stomach churn.
“You know, Emma,” she’d said, her voice dripping with mock sympathy, “you should really keep a closer eye on your boyfriend. Josh? He’s been practically begging me to sleep with him. Says you’re a little… lacking.”
The words had hit like a slap. I’d managed to keep my face neutral, even though my insides felt like they’d been ripped apart. Diana had laughed, flipping her perfect blonde hair over her shoulder as her sidekicks giggled behind her. I hadn’t said a word. I’d just walked away, my chest burning with humiliation and rage.
Now, sitting in Alice’s living room, I clenched my fists at the memory. I felt bitter, sure—but more than that, I felt angry. Angry at Josh for being the pathetic, untrustworthy jerk he was. Angry at Diana for using my pain as another weapon in her arsenal. And angry at myself, for letting them make me feel this way.
But no more.
I wasn’t going to let Josh’s betrayal define me. I wasn’t going to let Diana’s words hang over my head like a storm cloud. I would be strong. I would rebuild myself, piece by piece, and I’d show that two-faced son of a biscuit exactly who he’d lost.
Determination flickered in my chest as I grabbed my phone and opened Amazon. If I was going to reinvent myself, I needed to look the part. Scrolling through endless pages of clothes and accessories, I started curating a new version of me. Edgy boots, leather jackets, statement earrings, and bold makeup palettes—I wanted to be someone who turned heads when she walked into a room. Someone confident. Someone untouchable.
Was it brave or just a moment of defiance? I wasn’t sure. Deep down, I knew that Diana and her pack of hyenas would probably find a way to tear me down, no matter what I did. That was their nature—predators looking for the easiest target. And I’d been their favorite for years.
Was it because I wasn’t from one of those wealthy families with private drivers and designer bags? Half the school wasn’t, but I was the one they picked. Was it because I wasn’t top of the class? Plenty of people were worse students than me. There wasn’t a clear answer, just the suffocating reality that Diana had decided I was her punching bag, and that was that.
I sighed and leaned back against the couch, letting the phone slip from my hands. The room was quiet, save for Alice’s snores. Outside, the summer night stretched endlessly, the world asleep while I sat with my tangled thoughts.
“Be strong,” I whispered to myself. “You’ll get through this.”
The morning sunlight poured through the curtains, painting Alice’s living room in soft golden hues. The faint aroma of coffee wafted in from the kitchen, and I followed the scent to find her busy at the counter.
Alice had her hair tied up in a messy bun, her oversized hoodie slipping off one shoulder. She hummed to herself as she placed two steaming mugs of coffee and a plate of jelly toasts on the small table. “Breakfast is served,” she announced with a grin.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, sinking into the chair and wrapping my hands around the warm mug. The coffee was strong and comforting, exactly what I needed after the emotional rollercoaster of the past few days.
“So,” Alice began, taking a bite of toast, “what’s on the agenda for today?”
I shrugged. “Parents are cool with me staying here another day, so… girls-only party?”
She nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! Let’s do a Twilight marathon. It’s been ages.”
I snorted. “It’s been like two months.”
“Exactly,” she said, grabbing the remote. “And I have an idea. Let’s make it fun—drink or dare.”
“Oh no,” I groaned, but her mischievous smile was already making me laugh.
Two hours into the marathon, we were sprawled out on the couch, laughing at Edward’s dramatic brooding and Bella’s perpetual awkwardness. Alice pointed at the screen. “Drink every time she makes that dumb, confused face.”
“I’ll be out cold in ten minutes,” I said, downing another sip of coffee instead of wine.
“Fine, fine. Then how about this?” she said, sitting up straighter. “Dare: You check out Tinder and message someone you like.”
I froze mid-sip, staring at her. “What? No.”
“Yes,” she said firmly, grabbing my phone from the coffee table. “It’s perfect. You’ve been all doom and gloom 'cause of the breakup. Time to have some fun.”
“I don’t think swiping on strangers qualifies as fun.”
“Trust me,” she said, handing me the phone with a dramatic flourish. “Best dare ever.”
Reluctantly, I unlocked my phone and opened the app. My thumb hovered over the screen, hesitating. “I don’t know about this.”
Alice rolled her eyes. “It’s just swiping. You’re not signing a contract.”
With a sigh, I started scrolling through profiles. But no matter how many I swiped through, nothing clicked. No one caught my attention. Too ugly. Too desperate. Too young. And the men? Ugh. The thought of Josh and his smug, possessive face made me wince. No. No men. Never again. They only brought misery. The memories of Josh’s tantrums, his relentless accusations, and his betrayal resurfaced like an unwelcome tide. I could still hear his voice in my head, demanding to know where I was, who I was with, and why I wasn’t replying fast enough. Even now, it left a bitter taste in my mouth.
I dropped the phone onto my lap with a groan. “I’m not into any of these guys.”
Alice tilted her head, watching me curiously. “Okay… so maybe guys aren’t your thing.”
I blinked at her. “What do you mean?”
She shrugged. “I mean, if they’re not doing it for you, why not try something different? Girls, maybe?”
The thought wasn’t entirely new—more like an idea I’d occasionally brushed against and quickly dismissed. But now, sitting here with Alice’s half-joking encouragement and my heart bruised from a relationship that left me questioning everything, it felt different. Girls were pretty, weren’t they? They were soft, kind in a way that didn’t feel patronizing. Familiar, in all the ways men weren’t. But what did that mean? Did it mean anything? Was this just me reacting to Josh and his endless cycle of manipulation? Or was it something I’d always been too afraid to confront?
My heart skipped a beat. “I—I don’t know…”
“Come on, Emma. What’s the harm in looking?” she said with a small smile. “Who knows? You might surprise yourself.”
I hesitated, my mind racing. The thought wasn’t entirely new, but it had always been easier to push aside. Now, with Alice’s encouragement and the lingering bitterness of Josh’s betrayal, it didn’t seem so far-fetched. Was this… okay? It didn’t feel wrong. It just felt… different. Different in a way that made my pulse quicken and my stomach flip—not from fear, but from curiosity. Like stepping into uncharted territory that somehow still felt like home.
I chewed my lip, glancing at the filter on the app. My fingers hesitated as doubt crept back in. Was I ready for this? Did I even know what I was doing?
Swallowing my nerves, I adjusted the app’s filter. “You’re looking for: Women.” The words stared back at me, bold and unyielding. My thumb hovered over the save button, doubt creeping in.
Alice nudged me gently. “You’ve got this.”
With a deep breath, I pressed save.
The first profiles popped up, and I began scrolling cautiously. Some were glamorous, with perfectly styled hair and dramatic makeup. Others were laid-back, their captions filled with jokes or quirky one-liners. And then there were the butch ones, their confidence practically radiating from their photos.
But none of them felt right.
Alice wandered back into the room with a fresh mug of coffee. “Still nothing?”
I shook my head, feeling a little deflated. “I don’t know what I’m looking for.”
She smirked. “Don’t think about it too much. Just go with your gut.”
With her words in mind, I kept scrolling. It felt endless, like I was sifting through a sea of possibilities without knowing what I wanted to find. Just as I was about to give up, one profile stopped me in my tracks.
The name was simple: “I.”
Her photo wasn’t overly polished or posed. She was sporty-looking, her hair cropped into a neat pixie cut, wearing a casual sweatshirt that somehow looked effortlessly cool. But it wasn’t her clothes or her style that caught my attention—it was her face. Sharp cheekbones, soft doe eyes, and an air of quiet confidence. She looked like an elf out of a fantasy novel.
My heart thudded in my chest. There was something about her that made me pause. Something magnetic. Something… different.
Alice peered over my shoulder. “Ooh, she’s cute. Swipe right.”
I hesitated, my nerves taking over. “What if she doesn’t match? Or worse, what if she does?”
Alice laughed. “That’s the whole point, isn’t it? Take a chance.”
I took a deep breath, my thumb hovering over the screen. “Okay,” I whispered to myself. “Here goes nothing.”
I swiped right.
I set my phone down on the nightstand, staring in front of me. The nerves were still there, but underneath them was something else. Something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
Hope.
A weird sound yanked me out of my freeze. My eyes fluttered open, and for a moment, I just stared in front of me, disoriented.
There it was again—that sound. A notification? My phone.
“That’s Tinder! What’s there? Tell me!” Alice exclaimed, clapping her hands.
I reached over, grabbing it from the table. I blinked at the screen, the brightness stinging my eyes. And then, I saw it.
The phone slipped from my hand and hit the table as I bolted upright, my heart pounding so hard it might as well have been auditioning for a drumline.
“No way,” I muttered, rubbing my eyes like that would somehow make the words on the screen change.
But no. It was still there.
“Match! ‘I’ liked you back.”
And right below that, another notification.
New message: ‘I’
I stared at the screen, my brain short-circuiting. This couldn’t be real. Could it? My fingers hovered over the message, my breath caught in my throat. Finally, I tapped it.
“Hi :)”