Shattered

Zephyrine's pov.

I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. Mom-dead? No, that wasn't possible. I wasn't going to believe one word of it. "No, no, no," I whispered, shaking like a leaf.

“I’m so sorry, Zephyrine," she said in a small voice, "Astrid passed away early this morning."

A wave of hysteria washed over me, and I started to bawl my eyes out. I couldn't breathe or think. All I could feel was this overwhelming pain, anguish that threatened to consume me.

Elara immediately wrapped her arms around me, holding me tightly as I sobbed uncontrollably. "Shh, Zephyrine, it's okay," she whispered, trying to comfort me. "I'm here for you."

But I was beyond consolation. I pulled away from Elara, my eyes wild with my grief. "I want to see her," I said, my hoarse voice breaking with crying. "I want to see my mom."

Elara's face was soft but resolute. "I'm so sorry, Zephyrine. That's just not possible. Astrid was buried this morning."

I felt like I'd been slapped. "What? Why?" I shouted, my voice rising.

Elara took a deep breath. "Astrid asked if, when she died, she would be buried right away. She didn't want you to see her like that."

I shouted and screamed. It was painful, it was a sorrow; my sobs could not stop as Elara tried holding me closer.

"Zephirene, be strong, your mom will-"

But I would not want to be strong, too consumed by the pain and torment. I leaned back, pulling myself out of her arms, having never sobbed this hard ever before. My eyes just poured water, and every fiber within me ached for Mum.

"What was wrong? What happened?

Elara's face was serious. "Astrid had a bad sickness, Zephyrine. She'd been fighting it for months."

I felt like I'd been punched in the gut again. Months? My mom had been sick for months, and I had no idea. I thought back to all the times I'd seen her, all the times we'd talked. She'd never said anything, never even given a hint that anything was wrong.

A wave of regret rolled over me, mingling with the pain and the grief. Why didn't I know? Why hadn't I suspected that something was wrong? Why haven't I spent more time with her?

I looked at Elara, and my eyes asked for answers. She merely shook her head, her expression sympathetic.

I fell onto the floor, wailing, screaming.

Why does something bad always happen to me? First it was my mate, Cormac, now my mother. What was wrong with me? Why did that have to be my portion in life?

I wrapped my arms around myself, rocking back and forth in my sobs. I really could not imagine living without Mom. I couldn't face a world alone.

"Why, why, why?" I wailed, my voice hoarse from crying. "Why did this have to happen to me?"

"I'm sorry dear." Elara mumbled as she wiped my never-ending tears.

Hours later, I finally cried myself out. Elara got me to my feet, and I leaned on her supportively as she took me in the silence away from most of the pack's grounds to where I knew all too well we were going-my heart fell, where my mother was buried.

It got closer and closer, until I had found a well of new tears to gather in my eyes. Elara stood a few feet away , giving space for me and my mother.

"I'll give you some time alone," she said softly, pity dripping in her voice. "Take all the time you need, Zephyrine."

I nodded, my throat too tight with emotion even to speak. I sucked in a deep breath then, attempting to pull myself together, but it did little good.

I flung myself onto my knees beside the grave, my hands digging into the dirt as if somehow, some way, I could reach through to my mother beneath the earth. In a moment, I was sobbing again, great racking sobs shaking all of me.

"Mama, why did you have to leave me?" I wailed, my voice cracking. "Why did you have to go? I need you, Mama. I need you so badly."

"You left…I was vindicated, mum. You didn't wait to see me come out of the dungeon. Why did you suffer in silence, why didn't you say something? Why did you leave me?" I wailed as my voice rose, choking with emotion.

It's as if I felt I was reliving the moments spent with Mother all this time. I recall her whenever she smiled at me, the way she would tell me everything was alright when I was in my growing-up years, scolding, or hugging, whatever I did wrong, even when I fell. Her undying love and support for me, she never left me alone, even when the whole group rejected me.

"I remember, Mom, how you used to sing to me," I whispered hoarsely. "You had the most beautiful voice. It always made me feel safe and loved."

I wept as though I had lost myself in my grief, drowned in a sea of pain and sorrow. Yet, I couldn't stay quiet. I couldn't cease crying, couldn't let go of the bereaved mother.

"Why does this have to happen to me?" I cried out, my hands balled into a fist. "Why did I have to lose you and Cormac? What did I do to deserve this?"

The only answer was the silence of the forest, the sound of my own tears falling upon the grave. I sat back on my heels, eyes fixed on the grave, whispering one word: "Mom."

As the sun began to set, casting the golden glow over the grave, I finally started to tire once again. My sobs gradually slowed; my tears dried upon my cheeks. I sat in silence with the quiet forest and overwhelming grief that filled my heart.

"Am I really cursed?" I mumbled before another wave of grief came in with a blood-curdling scream.