Chapter 7

POV Gravity

I usually blame fate for the crap that happens to me, but this time, I press my tongue against the roof of my mouth and stop myself from voicing any objections because every time I make it the biggest culprit for my misfortunes, things tend to get worse.

The moment Ashton walks past me, followed by his bodyguards, he acts as if I’m not in his way and as if I haven’t witnessed what happened outside.

The man in question, Sawyer, got here before me, but the news was all over the internet. What happened between Ayla and Ashton exploded like a bomb.

Over the past few years, I’ve come to understand what Ashton is, and even from a distance, I’ve observed how he lives his life—and it’s anything but dull. He thrives on chaos. He has a strong attraction to trouble. He’s impulsive, often violent, and when he’s angry, he’s blind to everything else. His personality sharpened after The Reckless became the center of media attention.

It was also in these past few years that I realized just how different Ashton and I are. These differences are what brought us to this point where we feel more anger toward each other than anything else.

We despise each other’s personalities. We don’t relate to one another in any way. We maintain our “collegial” relationship only because we can’t always avoid each other, but I try to keep my distance from him as much as I can.

The farther away I stay, the less likely I am to attract trouble.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Aidan furrows his brow as he asks.

"Guess who’s The Reckless’s possible stylist?" I reply bluntly, because, honestly, I know the suspense Magdalene created over time was just a way to impress her team. But when I found out I’d be working with the boys, there was no excitement—just a sense of disdain and an overwhelming urge to explain to her why this would never work.

"You’re joking?" His eyes widen, surprise flashing in the green irises locked on me. "Why didn’t you tell me?"

"I didn’t know. Magdalene kept it a secret. And I never even imagined it. When do renowned designers work as costume designers? It rarely happens. How much did they offer?"

"Honestly, I have no idea. Jared and Avalon handled all those details." His platinum eyebrows arch, and I swallow my breath when I see the elevator doors closing, with Ashton and the bodyguards going up first. "We barely see you, and you’ve been living here for a year! Where do you hide?"

I turn my attention back to him.

Bryan, Chase, and Finnick enter next, speaking quietly about the attack Ashton suffered earlier, and I momentarily lose track of my thoughts to answer Aidan’s question.

As soon as the three of them see me, their facial muscles relax, and I see smiles forming. Bryan rushes over to hug me, Chase greets me the same way, just as warmly, but Finnick settles for a half-smile and a nod.

"Did I hear that right? You’re going to work with us?" Bryan speculates, the same expression of surprise dominating his face.

"Magdalene told me this morning that we had a meeting with The Reckless."

"Shit, that’s amazing!" The vocalist cheers, flashing his perfectly aligned teeth as he smiles.

I don’t usually live my life based on what people think of me, but I’ve been working hard for a long time.

I dedicated myself to my studies like no one else, worked in all kinds of places to earn money and support myself in France and Italy—although Darnell helped me many times over the years, I don’t want to depend on my brother-in-law for everything—and at this point, I expected to actually be creating, at least gaining some space in Magdalene’s atelier. But all I’ve received since I started working in New York is a huge list of tasks unrelated to what I truly intend to do here.

Even though everything is on the verge of falling apart, I make an effort so no one notices. Effy is the only person who knows how hard things have been.

I don’t want to think that all my dedication over the years was for nothing, and like it or not, The Reckless is one of the biggest names in the music industry. Even though it’s not the field I want to work in, being involved in a project with them means visibility and, who knows, a chance to finally create something of my own.

"You’re going to work with your friends, but you don’t seem excited," Aidan narrows his eyes at me.

"How could I be? You’re all dramatic and way more work than an entire classroom of kids." I roll my eyes and step into the elevator that just arrived, followed by the others. "But don’t take it personally, I just didn’t come to New York to work as a costume designer. My goal is something else." I cross my arms, huddled in the corner.

"And what is your goal?" Chase asks innocently. "Because working with us is a good deal. We’re in almost every magazine, website, and TV channel."

"Is it just me, or have you all gotten cocky? Bragging about everything you’ve achieved," I observe, raising an eyebrow at them.

"Oh, come on! You know none of us would brag about that, we’re just stating the facts, and the facts are that we’re the most famous band right now," Bryan explains with a smug smile. "And we’re giving you permission to take advantage of it. Besides, we’ll get to spend more time together. We really needed someone familiar on this tour. Isn’t there an opening for an assistant costume designer? Maybe you could convince Mackenzie to come work with you!" he exclaims. The plan, although bad, carries a flicker of sincere hope in the blue tone of his eyes.

I end up laughing, and I’m not the only one—Chase and Aidan also burst into loud laughter.

"And Ashton won’t be a problem," Aidan continues Bryan’s monologue, pointing out the fact that Ashton and I can’t stand each other, "because he spends most of his time busy trying to be a big ‘hunk’"—he makes air quotes with his fingers for emphasis—"for the women he dates."

I don’t know when Ashton and I reached this abyss of anger and awkwardness. I defined my feelings and priorities the last time we were together, and I had yet another confirmation of what we were to each other that day in his cabin when I finally understood what had happened with Nicola. But I swore, for the sake of my relationship with our friends, that I would do everything in my power to keep our interactions friendly.

For a while, I managed.

It was so easy that it seemed like what had happened wouldn’t affect us anymore. At The Icarus’s grand opening, for example, it was almost as if we had gone back to a time when we couldn’t even imagine having any romantic involvement.

Until the infamous day Jared McAvoy appeared in their lives, and I found myself trapped in an inexplicable loop of resentment.

At first, I thought I was just angry. I know Ashton is worthless, and I discovered a harsh reality: I was so resentful of him that I wished he wouldn’t be happy, wouldn’t succeed, would live a miserable and lonely life. That’s how I discovered my hatred for him.

When I found myself rooting for his suffering.