A Queen Among Snakes: Chapter Seven - Mei

After Amelia’s announcement we join training but as time goes on the excitement I had, started to wear off and panic began to take over. I’m not good with meeting new people, now I’m going to meet a new person who is much stronger than I am. What if I say or do something wrong? She’s going to teach me more about my species, but what if it’s bad news? What if she tells me I don’t belong in a pack and I need to leave?

A million thoughts are running through my head each making me more panicked than the one before. A headache is forming, a new layer of heat is spreading through me bringing a coat of sweat making my skin feel clammy and it has nothing to do with training. My heart is hammering, and the speed is making my chest ache. My ears are burning, and I feel as though my insides are about to explode while simultaneously feeling like I’m being crushed by an invisible weight. My body shakes with adrenaline and a feel the sting of tears in my eyes.

I’m trying to calm down but all I can hear is the Albus Mons’ Luna’s voice in my head telling me how useless I am and how everything is my fault as she beats me into submission. I can’t hear what’s happening around me, but I can faintly see the person I’m sparring with, but the panic consuming me keeps me frozen in place and I don’t even realise my opponent has punched me in the face until I feel electricity running up and down my arms and over my face as Chris’ concerned voice screams my name.

I focus my eyes in front of me and see his hazel-green eyes staring back at me with so much tenderness and worry. I feel his worry through our bond as it compounds on my own.

“Mei. Mei, look at me, my love. Remember what Eric taught you. Start naming pack members, you can do it,” his sweet voice rings in my head giving me a moment of clarity.

“We’re right here for you, just keep breathing,” adds Axel’s concerned yet soothing voice.

Normally for a mutolupus, the human side can’t hear the wolf side until the wolves have mated, but I guess since I’m not a mutolupus, marking and mating with me was enough. Instantly I could hear Axel the same as I can hear Chris. I was so happy I cried. I feared I’d never hear Axel’s voice in my mind, and I know Axel was overjoyed he’d be able to speak to me.

I look in Chris’ eyes as I try to find my voice and try to control my breathing like Axel said. Speaking feels exhausting, but I know I have to try.

“A-A-Alpha Am-elia Dolivo… L-Luna Marcus H-Hayda,” I whisper, each word feeling as though it’s zapping my energy.

“That’s it, you’re doing amazing, keep going,” he encourages, his hands still gently cupping my face; his thumbs softly brushing against my cheeks; the tingles soothing me a little more at a time.

“Beta… Vitali Hughes,” I take in a large lungful of air and let it out with a shudder that I feel in my stomach. “Beta Eric Hughes… um…” What’s the next name? It’s right there, what is it? I shake my head trying to focus on the list in my head. “Gamma Tyson Grey, Gamma Evalyn Grey, Delta Chris Melgren,” saying his name helps me remember he’s right here, right in front of me. It’s his hands holding me, it’s his voice guiding me and then I realise the panic had stopped. My mind has cleared up. I reach out and hold a hand to his cheek, his beard scratching my palm.

He turns his head kissing my palm softly, making my hand tingle. “That a girl. Do you need to keep going?” He gently asks.

I shake my head. His physical contact and the exercise Eric taught me did the trick and I can feel myself calming down. The adrenaline that pumped through me, triggering my fight or flight has now left me feeling fatigued.

When Eric realised I suffer from panic attacks he gave me a mental exercise to do when I feel them coming on. He had me name everything in the room that was yellow. I didn’t understand why, but then he pointed out that while I was busy focusing on the task, my panic had slowed down. My brain was forced to focus on something in the here and now and it allowed whatever brought on the panic to slip away.

At the time I was trying to learn everyone’s names and titles so I decided when I would have an attack I’d try to recall that list, and the shocking thing was, it worked. The more severe attacks aren’t stopped, but smaller ones I can stop through this exercise.

“Take her inside, Chris. Go help her recuperate,” says Marcus.

It’s only now I realise there’s a crowd around me and I instantly feel uncomfortable. Everyone is looking at me with concern, but none more concerned than, Chris, my gentle giant. My sparring partner looks pale for some reason.

“I can keep going, I’m fine,” I say in a meek voice as I get up on shaky legs with Chris supporting me. I don’t even recall falling down.

“He’s right, Mei. Let’s just go take it easy,” Chris says gently while placing a tender kiss on my temple.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb the session,” I say shamefully. I’ve never had an attack during training before.

“Everyone back to sparring!” Tyson orders everyone with his Gamma Spirit. Everyone quickly obeys as he moves closer to me. “You have done nothing wrong; you hear me? But you need to give yourself the time to calm yourself fully. Your attack came on so fast you just let Petra sucker punch you. You didn’t even seem to notice it,” he says with concern.

I vaguely remember a fist coming my way. I reach up touching my face, but I don’t feel any pain. If she hit me hard enough to hurt me then it already healed while I was busy panicking, so it doesn’t even matter.

I look around at all their concerned, compassionate faces. Never pity or looking down on me but looking at me like a family member they can’t stand to see in pain. I let out a sigh and realise I should take their advice. I’m no good training like this, and I do feel worn out from that attack, so it’s for the best.

“I’ll go inside. I apologise again for the disturbance,” I say glumly as I lower my head. No matter how strong I think I’m getting, I realise I’m still weak in so many other ways and I hate it.

“You have nothing to apologise for, sweet girl. Hell, most of them probably thought this would mean they had an excuse to get out of training,” Marcus jokes. I give him a half-hearted smile.

“Let me know if there’s anything I can do,” I hear Eric say. I hadn’t noticed him come over either.

“ We will, thank you, but I think she just needs to be alone right now,” Chris tells them.