Past and Present

Nat

My grandmother was a comfort woman in Japan. She was kidnapped from her home country, Taiwan, and used to provide relief to Japanese soldiers during World War II. My mother was sold by her at the age of 15 to pay for her heroin doses and ended up living in a brothel in the Yoshiwara district. I don't know who my father was, he could have been one of her clients, a soldier in the Japanese or American army, or even one of her drunken boyfriends, but all I know is that I was born in Japan, although I don't have any oriental features, my hair is brown and I have round green eyes. That's why my name is Natsuke, which means moon, but my friends call me Nat.

I work in a dance hall in Tokyo, I don't feel better than them. My mother made me work when I was 16, lying that I was 18. She was jealous of me and her boyfriend and it was the way she found to keep him away from me, since he paid the bills. Result: he comes every day and is the first to see me dance. Luckily, I am on a small stage closed with glass and he cannot touch me. I am disgusted by it and terrified of running into him at home. I learned to look without seeing, that is, the person may think I am there, looking at them, but in fact I am not seeing anything. I am disconnected from my mind, hidden in my own private world.

I work after studying 8 hours a day, from 7 pm to 10 pm. At school only my best friend knows what I do. Her name is Yuki which means snow. The Club in The place I work is near a forest, 100 km from the city. On Sundays I like to go there with Yuki. Her older brother is called Haruto, he is the one who drives us around. He is like his name, a bright sun. They both have very fair skin and straight black hair. Yuki decided to bleach her hair this year and get a blue streak. She only studies and Haruto didn't want to go to college but works in a big restaurant as a sushi chef and likes what he does. He speaks perfect English and taught us, because he said that we receive a lot of American, English and Canadian tourists and we should be prepared for the best opportunities.

Yuki and I are saving money for college. It's my big chance to change my life. We are in our last year of high school and we are going to live far away, in Kyoto, and attend university there. We wanted to study classical literature. We loved everything from Shakespeare to Jane Austen.

That night, I had received a special request from my boss. We were going to have a group of boys from a Canadian hockey team and since they were going to be in a large group of 12 boys, they asked me and two other girls to do a special performance for them in the theater. However, the theater didn't have any windows. I was terrified, but it was better than starting another day with Daiki.

I was going to wear a gold sequined dress that was long, but had a cutout at the waist that showed part of my waist and belly button on one side and made my breasts stand out. The heels were gold and I forgot to put on my contacts in a rush. They didn't want us wearing wigs. We were made up and styled by a professional and I even got a special treatment on my hair to define my curls. I was pretty, I wasn't happy, but I knew how to fake a smile.

We each had a different spot on the stage, I preferred to stay on the right side and let the other two fight over who would be in the center of the stage. Sakura was Japanese and had long, straight black hair, gorgeous, she was all in white. Star was blonde with blue eyes and must have been American, her skin color was silver. They were 20 years old. I was still 17.

I didn't have any friends at the club. I tried at all costs not to mix my work with my personal life. If someone from school or the neighborhood saw me dancing there, my life would be ruined. So I wore wigs, contact lenses, etc. so that no one would recognize me. When I went out, I always kept my hair tied up, wore sunglasses and even a hood. All so as not to attract attention.

I want to start a new life one day. I want to change the destiny of the women in my family. I deserved a chance, right?

There was little time left. With the money I have saved and passing high school, I'm going to move to another city. Start college and leave the past behind. That's my only wish. I need to focus on that.

That's it girl, don't panic, we're finishing this phase. You are strong! you can do it. Your mother doesn't need you anymore, she has her boyfriend.

If you stay, you will both sink and you will never be able to get out of this life. Not to mention that now she's jealous of you, so do as she asks and get out.

think that your new family is now Yuki. The two of you will study literature together in Kyoto and you will become future writers, or teachers or anything else that has nothing promiscuous about it because you are bigger than all that. Have faith, be calm and persevere. Believe in your dream.