One

The shrill of my alarm clock wakes me from unfitful sleep and I am immediately consumed by a horrendous headache. I have absolutely no desire to get out of bed this morning, but I have no choice. I would give anything to just bury myself under the covers and stay here. Forever.

These are the thoughts I wrestle with every morning. Nobody would miss me. No one cares. Why bother going through the motions of pretending? Why be fake with my feelings when in all actuality, no one gives a shit about me?

I am living a lie.

I don't consider this to be self loathing. It is fact. My family has made it abundantly clear that I am not wanted. Disapproval of my mere existance stems from a deep hatred of me not being the golden child son that they so desperately wanted. My sister and I have a non existant relationship. My mother was too self absorbed with keeping up the apperance of the happy housewife. She spent her days being in my Father's shadow. Mrs. Perfection. Planning charity events, being the fake happy philantropist wife of a ruthless self made billionaire, perfectly dressed with the most perfect manners... these were all of the things she did daily to project our family as one of kindness, wealth, and well, perfection.

My father doesn't hold any titles for best dad ever. If my pathetic assed life was a movie, then he would definitely win an oscar for worst villian.There are no redeeming qualities. Sure, on the surface, especially to outsiders, he appears to be a caring man who is capable of love. He seems genuine. He donates to numerous charities and pretends to give a shit about those who are less fortunate. It is all a very well planned stunt to make himself appear human.

Then there's me... I'm a hot mess. A hot lonely mess. A mess that can't get her shit together.

I roll over and stare at the ceiling. No sense in putting it off any longer.... I need to get out of bed and get started with my day.

My shower is quick, as I am in a hurry. I have no time for breakfast, let alone coffee. I running late for the office and I have several meetings scheduled today. I quickly blow dry my hair and get dressed. I dig through my closet and choose a simple dark gray dress with a pair of black boots. I decide to use very little make up today. I just don't feel like making the effort and it's not as if anyone would notice anyways.

My cell phone buzzes with a text message alert from my assistant Gretchen informing me that the investors have started to arrive a bit early and that the conference room was all set up with fresh fruit, donuts, and coffee. I grab my keys and my purse, and i set forth to start another day.

The pounding in my head doesn't want to subside and the streets are full of tourists. I should have taken a cab to the office, but stupid me thought that walking the 8 blocks in the chilly air would help ease my anxiety. I am not looking forward to this meeting. At all. I thought of several scenarios in my head where I pretend that I am sick. Just to put things off for another day. When I moved to the city, I came here with the intention of stepping into the role of temoprary chief executive officer for my father's advertising agency while he recovered from a stroke that had left him pretty much incapacitated. I didn't want anything to do with any of this, but my family guilt tripped me into taking the position. With my background in marketing and advertising, I was best suited for the role. And of course... it would just make the family look bad and cause embarrasment if I didn't take the reigns. But fuck what I want... the story of my life... always having to give up my dreams to appease my powerful family.

I enter the lobby of our building and head straight to the bank of elevators.

"Good Morning, Ms. Johnson. Seems like it's gonna be a very busy day for you". I give the elevator man a weak smile as I step inside and hit the button for the 17th floor.

"I've lost count of the number of people who have headed up to your office" he laughs.

"Yeah... we have some investors here from out of town today" I sigh. "We are looking to possibly expanding to open a second location".

"Well that's wonderful! I'm sure you're very pleased".

"Absolutely"! I say with weak enthusiasm.

The elevator stops and I wish him a great day, and quickly head for the office.

As soon as I open the door there is chaos. Phones won't stop ringing. My staff is running around like crazy. There is a flurry of activity and lots of anxiety in the air.

Gretchen runs up to me and starts giving me a run down of the days events. I have three meetings today, the first being with the investors, followed by a 12:15 with just my staff, and then a 2:00pm with a Mr. Hutchinson to go over a magazine layout that I put together myself for his law firm.

"Are you ready to meet with the investors"? I know we have another half hour before we are due to start, but everyone is already here. I figured it will give you some time to recharge before your next meeting if we finish early".

"I'm as ready as I will ever be", Gretchen.

"You seem sad. Are you okay"?

"I'm good. Just didn't sleep well is all".

"Well there's coffee in the conference room".

"Great. Black coffee sounds Heavenly. Let's do this"!