A flash from the past

I opened my eyes to lips trailing over my neck and fingertips caressing just below my breasts.

“fuck” I muttered under my breath, trying as much as possible to suck in a bit of breath but it seemed impossible. I opened my eyes wider, looking at the person in front of me but it seemed impossible. My eyes were hazy, while my body leaned further into the touch of whoever it was then…

It vanished.

I felt the cold air hit my skin. “fuck” I muttered, sitting up from the bed, looking outside the window.

It was still dark. I thought with a sigh, looking at the window not really sure of what I was waiting for.

It had been two years and I could not get over the fact that the love of my life, or what I thought was the love of my life had chosen someone over me.

Not just anyone, but my sister. My sister who I thought I could give the whole world for.

I buried my head in my hands, fighting the flashbacks that fought to come to the surface.

I shook my head, as though that was going to do anything to help, but as usual, it did not.

And just like that I was back to two years ago. Back to that night where it all went down.

**flashback

I walked into the room, the smile that stretched my face dying immediately.

There he was, my boyfriend, the love of my life since high school, sucking the face of some crazy bitch. “Harry” I called, my voice shaking as I found it difficult to breathe. He froze before turning to me, revealing the face of the ‘dumb bitch’ he was sucking off.

My sister

“Advika…” he said, looking like a fish that had been brought out of the water. “shit” he mumbled under his breath, gathering the sheets closer to himself and that of my sister.

“it is not what it seems, he just…” my sister, Mika said “I had a bad rash and he wanted to help me scratch it” she said, to which he nodded to.

A dry laugh escaped my lips, looking at the two of them who thought I was a fool. “Is that what you take me for? Some stupid …” I took in a deep breath, trying to reign In the anger I felt.

“happy anniversary Harry, it would have been our six year anniversary today” I said in a broken voice  which I hated. I hated how I wore my emotions on my sleeve.  “I really wish you were never born” I said, looking straight at my sister as a tear dropped down my face.

“Advika..” she said, trying to get up, taking the sheets with her, leaving Harry bare for me to see how butt naked he was under there.

I nearly threw up. Running out of the room like the room was on fire. I did not want to be anywhere near them. I needed to be far away from them as possible.

“mum!!” I cried as I ran home, swinging the door open to see my parents about to have dinner. “mum” I called again, falling to my knees. It felt like I could not breathe.

I could barely get the words out “mi…ka” I managed through the sobs clutching my shirt as though it was going to let me breathe properly. “Harry and M…i..k..” the sobs became uncontrollable.

“oh honey” she said, gathering me into her arms.

“how can she do this to me, she knew I loved him and… he.. that bastard!!”

“honey, you can’t blame your sister for finding love, I agree its messed up right now, but when you get over this I am…” I zoned out.

Just like that, the tears stopped, the sobbed died out. I felt as though a bucket of water had been thrown at me.

She did not sound surprised when I mentioned Harry and Mika, I did not even mention what exactly had happened and yet she spoke as though she knew “you… you knew” I said, looking from her to my dad who continued eating like everything going on was none of his business.

“I don’t know what you are talking about” she said, trying to give me that innocent look

“don’t fucking act innocent, you knew they were dating behind my back all along!!!”

“don’t you swear at me!!” she started before she sighed, continuing in a low voice. “fine, but they were going to tell you, she told me that she liked him and she did not know how to tell you and I told her to ease you into it. I did not know it was going to take this long..”

Something about her last sentence made cold shivers run down my spine, and not in a good way.

“how long?” I said, looking at her with wide eyes. I needed to know.

“look it started in February but i swear they were going to tell you”

I took a step back. Eight fucking months, they were together for eight fucking months and no one thought it was right to tell me, to give me the heads up that I needed. “look, your sister.. she loved… loves him and it would have broken her if…”

“and what about me!!! Did you not stop to think that this would have affected me too?!!” I was screaming at the top of my lungs at this point but I did not care, I was tired of my parents always putting Mika’s feelings before mine. I had always tried to be understanding about it.

She was the younger one, she needed more attention or she is a special child she needs more attention but I was tired, sometimes, it felt as though I was sacrificing more than I was meant to.

She tried to take a step my way but I ran out, not wanting to hear whatever it was she had to say cause I knew it was going to end with her convincing me that my feelings were not valid because I was the older sister and meant to sacrifice for Mika.

I found myself out of the house, the cold air hitting my face as tears ran down my cheeks.

All of a sudden, I was thrown across the road, the air escaping my lungs as a pool of blood surrounded me.

The car did not stop, it zoomed of as fast as it could, leaving me to my fate in the lonely road.

‘this is it.’ I thought, praying to whatever god was out there to at least let my body be found.

I opened my mouth, gasping for air as my vision started to get blurry.

“I… help, please if anyone is out there” I said, but my voice came out barely above a whisper

“hello there love..” a man said, hovering over me, before my vision went out completely