Chapter 38
Chapter 38 (Eleanor’s POV)
I didn’t mean to fall asleep.
I meant to stay awake, staring at the ceiling, planning my next move, thinking about everything that could go wrong.
But exhaustion caught me off guard.
And this time, sleep wasn’t gentle.
It pulled me under like a riptide, deep and hard.
Dragging me somewhere I wasn’t ready for.
Somewhere too real.
---
At first, everything was dark.
Just the sound of my own breathing.
The rush of blood in my ears.
The soft beat of a heart — not mine — somewhere close.
I turned toward the sound.
And there he was.
---
Alex.
---
Not standing far away this time.
Not just smiling from a distance.
He was close.
So close I could feel the warmth radiating off his skin.
His eyes locked onto mine, intense, almost wild, full of something raw and desperate.
Before I could speak, before I could even think, he closed the space between us.
---
His hands cupped my face.
His touch was rough, urgent, almost shaking.
Like he was afraid I’d disappear if he didn’t hold on tight enough.
His forehead pressed against mine.
His breath was ragged.
"Nell," he whispered, voice breaking.
I opened my mouth to answer, but no sound came out.
Only a sob.
A sob I hadn’t realized I was holding in.
---
He kissed me.
Hard.
Hungry.
Like he needed me to survive.
Like he had been starving without me.
His lips moved against mine with a fierceness that made my knees buckle.
I clutched at his shirt, pulling him closer, feeling the muscles tense under my fingers.
I needed him too.
God, I needed him.
---
The kiss deepened, darkened.
It wasn’t slow and sweet like before.
It was frantic.
Messy.
Desperate.
Like trying to fill the empty spaces time had carved into both of us.
---
His hands moved down, gripping my hips, pulling me flush against him.
I gasped into his mouth at the feeling of him, solid and real, every line of his body fitting against mine like we were made for this.
For each other.
His fingers dug into my skin like he was afraid I would vanish again.
---
We stumbled backward.
My back hit the wall of some invisible room.
I didn’t care where we were.
I only cared about him.
About this.
About the way his mouth moved down my neck, biting, soothing, worshipping.
Every touch lit a fire under my skin.
Every kiss branded me deeper into his memory.
Or maybe I was branding him into mine.
---
"Nell," he gasped against my throat.
"I can’t lose you again."
"You won't," I whispered, threading my fingers through his hair.
"I’m here. I’m real."
But even as I said it, fear twisted inside me.
Because dreams lied.
Dreams broke promises they couldn’t keep.
---
His hands slid under my shirt, finding bare skin.
I shivered at the contact, pressing closer, wanting more, needing more.
He lifted the fabric, his hands rough but trembling slightly, as if even now he wasn’t sure I would let him have me.
I did.
God, I did.
---
He kissed his way down my body, worshipping every inch, as if trying to memorize me before the dream ended.
His touch wasn’t gentle.
It was desperate.
Possessive.
Painful in the way only love can be painful.
Because it meant everything.
Because it could break you.
---
I tangled my hands in his hair, pulling him back up to me.
Our eyes met, and for a moment, everything stilled.
The world outside didn’t exist.
The lies, the danger, the fear — none of it mattered.
Only him.
Only us.
Only now.
---
He kissed me again, slower this time, but no less intense.
As if trying to pour everything he couldn’t say into my mouth.
Love.
Hurt.
Longing.
Hope.
---
Clothes disappeared like mist.
I didn’t know how.
Didn’t care.
All I cared about was the feeling of his skin against mine.
The heat.
The connection.
The rightness of it.
---
When he pushed into me, it wasn’t smooth or graceful.
It was messy and raw and real.
I cried out, not in pain, but in the overwhelming, soul-breaking feeling of finally being whole again.
He pressed his forehead against mine, his breathing harsh.
"I love you," he said, voice breaking.
"I love you, Nell. Always."
Tears streamed down my face.
"I love you too," I whispered.
---
We moved together, clinging to each other like lifelines.
Every thrust, every kiss, every desperate touch screamed what words couldn’t.
Don’t leave me.
Don’t forget me.
Hold on.
---
It wasn’t about pleasure.
It wasn’t about need.
It was about survival.
About stitching the broken pieces of ourselves together with nothing but love and desperation.
---
His hands roamed everywhere, as if trying to memorize every curve, every scar, every breath.
I raked my nails down his back, anchoring him to me.
Reminding him — reminding myself — that we were real.
Even if only for a little while.
---
When release finally came, it wasn’t just physical.
It was emotional.
Spiritual.
A breaking apart and coming together all at once.
I sobbed against his chest as he held me tightly, whispering my name over and over again like a prayer.
He kissed my hair, my forehead, my lips.
"I’ll find you," he promised, voice shaking.
"I swear it, Nell. I’ll find you."
---
The world around us began to crack.
The colors bleeding away.
The warmth slipping from my grasp.
I clawed at him, trying to hold on.
"Don’t go," I cried.
"Please, Alex, don’t go!"
He held me tighter.
"I’m trying, Nell," he gasped.
"I’m trying."
---
But it was no use.
The dream was ending.
He was slipping away.
---
I woke up with a choked sob.
---
Tears streamed down my face.
My body ached, empty and cold without him.
The room was dark and silent.
Only my own broken breathing filled the air.
---
I curled into a ball under the covers, shaking.
My skin still tingled from his touch.
My lips still burned from his kiss.
My heart still ached from the way he had loved me — so desperately, so completely.
---
It wasn’t just a dream.
I knew it in my bones.
It was more.
It was a memory.
A connection.
A promise.
---
I clutched the blanket tighter, staring into the darkness.
I didn’t know how much longer I could last without him.
Didn’t know how much longer I could keep fighting alone.
---
But I would.
Because somewhere out there, Alex was fighting too.
Reaching for me across the distance.
Across the lies.
Across the impossible.
---
And I would find him.
Or die trying.
Because love like ours doesn’t end.
It endures.
It survives.
It waits.
---
And no matter how broken I felt now...
I knew, deep in my soul...
We would find each other again.